After a long struggle with illness, John Maynard Keynes died today, smothered with a pillow.
The details of the plan to smother Mr. Keynes had been the subject of month-long negotiation by his appointed guardians, the President and the Congress of the United States.
The final vote in favor of the smothering was held in the Senate, and then signed off by the President.
Mr. Keynes is reported to have had last words. "It is a complete mistake," he said from his deathbed, "to believe that there is a dilemma between schemes of budget balancing and that we must proceed cautiously with the former for fear of injuring the latter. Quite the contrary is true. There is no possibility of balancing the budget except by increasing the national income, which is the same thing as increasing employment."
Then the pillow was applied.
Mr. Keynes was preceded in death by many of his children, the Great Middle Class. He is survived by tens of millions of friends, the Unemployed. In his life, Mr. Keynes had amassed an enormous fortune. The fortune was amassed through a strategy of investment at times of economic trouble, and paying down debt when times were good.
Mr. Keynes' last will and testament had designated the fortune to his remaining children, and in trust to the benefit of his numerous friends. His estate executors claim that the will is invalid, and that Mr. Keynes died intestate. The executors have awarded the estate to an Austrian economist, Friedrich von Hayek.
The White House has released a statement on the death, and supporting the disposition of the estate. "Victory," it said.
Mr. Keynes' ashes have been scattered at Tilton, Sussex. Memorial services will not be held.