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Awards Edition Plus got its start as a regular Wednesday post in Cheers and Jeers, and then got a life of its own last Winter as a regular Wednesday diary. Like a basic cable series, it ran a number of weeks but has been on hiatus. When I write for Cheers and Jeers to sub for Bill in Portland Maine, it is often trotted out, and when I write for Top Comments it sometimes gets trotted out. With the writing talent of Kossack weatherdude and the cartoon savvy of AEP writer ericlewis0 and the graphic design savvy of Kossack vacationland, we try our best to offend everyone equally. I hope you enjoy it.
The best part, though, is that this is Top Comments which means we get the best of both worlds: the class of TC, and the sophomoric, extended adolescence world of AEP. It's Mad Magazine meets The New Yorker!
Follow me over the squiggly doo-dad for some fun and some Top Comments...
Special Interview: Sirius the Cat Interviews Rick Perry's Pootie:
By Awards Edition Plus Managing Editor Sirius the Cat
Tonight, we interview Skidmore, Rick Perry's face-cat. Here's what Skidmore reported to me after the earlier interview with Terry Gross of Fresh Air:
Q. So, Skidmore, how long have you been hanging out with Gov. Perry and functioning as his second face?
A: I've been with him since his days as a Democrat in the Legislature. We've had our ups and downs. Mostly downs. Lots 'n' lots of down.
Q. Does your hair stand on end when you watch innocent people get a needle in their arm in Huntsville? Which do you prefer, lethal injection or the electric chair?
A: Sometimes. Rick gets a certain joy out of it, which creeps me out. Regarding method of injection...I prefer the former, Rick prefers the latter so he can smell his success.
Q. What do you think his chances are of landing in the White House?
A: Zilch. He's in the business of running for President. We enjoy the money too much to have to lose it for 4 or 8 years.
Q. With all the money the Governor is spending living away from the Governor's mansion, are the litter boxes better in your current digs, or were they better at the Mansion?
A: What's a litter box? There are toilets designed for cats? Why was I not informed of this?
Q. Which do you like better when you go to Church with the governor, the music or the sermons?
A: I like the pews. They're scratchy.
Q. Here's a question we all want to know the answer to. I know, it's usually "boxers or briefs?" but what we want to know is "viagara or Enzyte?"
A: We get our sundials the natural way: lusting after our neighbor's husb...I mean wife.
SIRIUS: Thank you, Skidmore.
SKIDMORE: You're welcome, Sirius, any time.
News of Dubious Veracity Department
From the Fort Worth Startlegram:
Fort Worth, TX. Man Arrested Begging For Water:
Sergiu Wodanescu, a Romanian immigrant, was arrested outside Bass Hall this morning for sitting on the sidewalk with a sign that read "I will work for Water". Tarrant County Sheriffs Deputy Ima Cumminmgs told the Startlegram "We cannot have vagrants like Mr. Wodanescu blocking the egress of the black bolo-tie crowd when the Ballet is just starting its season. I don't care how hot it is, water is for cattle, not illegal immigrants from some Communist country..."
From the Boston Herald-American:
Scott Brown Caught in Laundry Scandal: Skid Marks!
A Laundry in Boston's Roxbury neighborhood reported today that after several bleachings, was unable to get the stains out of Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown's tighty-whities. Mrs. Weathermeyer, the owner of the laundry told the Herald-American: "Every time he has to vote, he shits his pants. Teddy never did. Plus, at least Teddy knew how to shake after he peed." It brings a new meaning to "Brown".
A special contribution from Awards Edition Plus Contributing Editor Weatherdude:
I am the very model of a modern major-terrorist,
I am the very embodiment of a bronzéd man puritanist,
I am the king of Congress and I quote my own ineptitude,
From abort-a-thons to Waterloos, including that ol' dog-on-dude,
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters economical,
I understand evasions, both the simple and by imbeciles,
About lying ear-to-ear I'm teeming with a lot o' booze,
With many cheerful facts about the despair of all the richer dudes.
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus,
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous,
In short, in matters vegetable, animal and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern major-terrorist.
I know our mythic history, all our battles and our base of law,
I answer the hard questions, I've a pretty taste for pairs of docs,
I quote of Ethiopians and crimes of the Barbarians,
In comics I can really sound and say something ridiculous,
I can tell undoubtedly that gummint will destroy the count-r-y
I know the croaking chorus from the radio will agree with me!
Awards Edition Plus Cartoon Department
by AEP Cartoon Editor Ericlewis0
The Golden Douchenozzle Award™
The Nominees:
Paul LePage, Gov. of Maine He's hiding, he's hiding. He should be: he can run from the ALEC agenda, but he can't hide. What he can do, though, is appoint corrupt cronies to office, which he does with abandon. We might not be Wisconsin yet here in Maine, but we are getting very, very, close. And we have no recall provisions. One term, one word: 61 percent did NOT vote for him.
John Boehner I hate to nominate him, because he is--commonmass holds his breath--has actually been more of a voice of reason than not. Ick. Now I have to go take a shower. However, stick a fork in him, he's as done as a Thanksgiving turkey left in the oven too long. Nothing like a party leader who can't keep a hold of their party.
Eric Cantor Need I say more?
Grover Norquist is now the Kaiser of the United States. As
Kaiser Wilhelm once said to Teddy Roosevelt: "When we shake hands, we shake the world". Apparently, they make a frappe out of everything, the GOP and Wall Street and Norquist. The Kaiser would be proud.
The Liberal Media who insists on "balance". I'd like to see Mara Liasson of NPR on the balance beam--she'd fall. To the Right.
Congressional Democrats with the exception of my rep, Chellie Pingree. She voted against the piece of crap bill. She also took my phone call the other day. In person. Only in Maine and Montana...
Now, without further ado, Top Comments!!!!
From Dragon 1516:
Meteor Blades asked a question in his diary Fox News gets upset over President Obama's Ramadan message, fails to mention President Bush's and I really laughed at this response from Bindle.
From sberel:
In This is my Time's offering about knowing your enemies, sebastianguy99 urges us to go local.
A Lizard offers this thread:
from Brit's FOTHOM XV: 9/11 Victims: Murdoch in NY Schools! Davies on US Hacking UPDATEDx2 comes this nugget from G2Geek.
Kossack Mayim hits us up with several:
From kos' No one wants to go to Rick Perry's Christianist party comes this great explanation of the GOP presidential nominees by HeyMikey. Love the excellent sports analogy ;-).
Another one from the same diary, by beltane.
plf15 does a bit of statistical analysis here, in Senator Kirsten Gillibrand's Let's Send 5 Democratic Women To The Wisconsin State Senate.
Hedwig offers this:
Occasionally we even talk politics in J Town. Our founder, JanF, made
a wonderful comment about progressivism and the President.
brillig our fearless hand-holder contributes:
In Meteor Blades' More Americans using food stamps than ever before: 45.8 million, TooFolkGR shares an anecdote that NIMBY arrogant folks need to hear.
Rserven has this to share:
In my diary, jessical had this Top Comment worthy comment
Thank you to all who contributed. I hope I did OK, this is my first time formatting the comments by myself.
As for the GDN award, who wins?