I was reading an article recently about the GOP presidental candidates and thinking "what a sorry lot of scary people." Just imagining some of these folks sitting in the Oval Office and steering the country onto the shoals is enough to make you run screaming into the street.
That got me thinking about who would be the worst possible GOP president amongst the litter of hopefuls. Conversely, I started imaging who might be the "least worst" Republican commander in chief.
So I decided to put together a list ranking the candidates from "least worst" to "absolute worst" should they end up the next GOP candidate. I decided to exclude candidates who don't have any kind of chance, like Jonathon Sharkey and Jimmy McMillan, who have never won any prominent elective office. I did include, however, some obvious longshots, not because I think they could end up at the top of the ticket but because they might be picked as running mates. I suspect some of them are in the race now in the hope they will be selected as veep, unless they truly are delusional and think they could be elected.
Here now is my ranking of "least worst" to "absolute worst" and a little explanation as to why he or she appears in a particular slot on my list.
Jon Huntsman -- He's fiscally conservative but fairly moderate on some social issues. He's also known for his civility and reaching out to Democrats. He's also arguably the "least nutty" of the GOP field and doesn't believe compromise is a mortal sin. I don't think he has any chance as a presidential candidate, but he could be a veep pick for some candidates except Romney. The Tea Baggers hate him because he was an Obama appointee, and as the old adage goes, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So if the Tea Bags don't like him, he can't be that awful.
Mitt Romney -- I personally dislike him intensely because I think he represents the worst sort of weasily politician who is quick to compromise his principals if he thinks it will bring him votes. With that said, Romney sits toward the more moderate end of the continuum compared to other GOP candidates. He will move right in order to secure the nomination but then move to the center in an attempt to win. As president I think he would tack to the center, not to the right. The Tea Baggers don't like him, thereby suggesting he can't be that horrible. If he wins the nomination, the Baggers might run their own third-party candidate, which would weaken their votes, a very good thing.
George Pataki -- He hasn't formally announced but he has flirted with running. I don't think he has any chance as a presidential candidate but he could be a veep nod for a candidate like Perry. I don't like most of Pataki's politics but, again, he's less wild-eyed salivating crazy than many running in this field. He arguably would tack to the center, not to the right.
Buddy Roemer -- Yet another veep candidate running in the disguise of a presidential candidate. I don't think he has much chance at a VP nod, either, but could end up in a cabinet position. He's a former Democrat turned Republican who has tolerable positions on a few issues. Once in office he looks like the sort of candidate who would veer to the center, not the right. He might be picked to balance a Yankee, but that's still a long shot.
Gary Johnson -- He's sort of a more moderate version of Ron Paul who has no chance at the top of the ticket but could be bucking for veep. Given he was governor of a smaller state, I don't think he stands much of a chance, however. He tilts strongly libertarian, which in my book is a less bad choice than a candidate who steers to the far religious right.
Rudy Giuliani -- He is once again flirting with a run, which might mean he's stalking for a veep call. Giuliani carries a whole lot of negative baggage and has a knack for befriending some real sleezeballs like Bernard Kerik, but he's more moderate than some at the bottom of my list. He has some administrative skills so he wouldn't be truly, utterly horrible.
Ron Paul -- He probably means well but he's too out there to be trusted with any power. He's the sort who might do something wild just to see what would happen. He could be a real spoiler in this election if he ends up running as a third party candidate because he now has more heat than in 2008. The idea of Ron Paul in the Oval Office is scary, but not as scary as some of the others below.
Tim Pawlenty -- I'm way in the bottom of the barrel now, scraping at splinters and brine. Pawlenty has a lot to dislike about him, but the fact that he's pissed off Michele Bachmann suggests he can't be 100 percent bad.
Newt Gingrich -- He's pretty much kissed off his chances at the top of the ticket and his poorly run campaign demonstrates his woeful lack of administrative skills. He also has as much baggage as Giuliani so he needs an equably sizeable fleet of luggage carts. He could be tapped as veep, however. He's way down on the list not so much because of his reactionary stances but his real lack of administrative skills. A president must be a manager as much as a policy maker, and Gingrich has poor management skills.
Thaddeus McCotter -- He's arguably the least known of the candidates elected to an important office. He's served in Congress without distinguishing himself so he has no salability. The fact that he thinks he could be elected president suggests his picnic hamper is short a few sandwiches. He doesn't even stand a chance as a veep candidate. He would be bad simply because he would be in way over his head.
Sarah Palin -- We're now well into truly scary territory with headless zombie corpses and vampires lurking behind us. With that said, I don't think Sarah Palin is the worst of the worst. A recent article in The Atlantic magazine examined her brief period as governor where she was surprisingly moderate on certain issues. She actually pushed for tax increases. She's a petty and bitter narcissist, however, and her ambition and ego make her truly dangerous, as does her inability to grasp complex issues or even fairly simple ones. She likes to think of herself as a pitbull with lipstick, but I think of her more like Major T. J. "King" Kong in high heels.
Rick Santorum -- He was a senator in my home state; when running for reelection, he lost to a Democrat by the largest margin in Pennsylvania history. I think that shows his true lack of grasp on reality if he thinks he could be elected president. His position on social issues is reprehensible, and his fiscal stance isn't much better. He is truly scary and the only reason he's not at the very bottom of the list is because a few are even scarier. He's obviously running for veep and might be selected by Perry should the latter head the ticket.
Michele Bachmann -- You've heard of people saying they'd move to Sweden or Canada if so-and-so was elected. That's my reaction to her. She's truly, truly frightening and I cringe when I think what would happen to our great country if she sat in the Oval Office. The only thing that keeps her from the absolute bottom of the list is the fact she's more intelligent than some of the true nightmares running for office. Her intelligence hopefully, maybe, fingers-crossed, pray to your diety would prevent her from doing something truly dangerous.
Rick Perry -- He's Bush 3.0 and a combination of all the worst features of many other GOP candidates. He's arrogant, sanctimonious, prideful, narcissistic, and dumb as a stump. Few people outside of Texas realize how powerless the governor of that state is. A mayor of a city with a population of 100,000 will have a larger staff than the Lone Star governor. Perry is truly dangerous and, sad to say, has a fairly good chance if he entered the race. I'm scaring myself now just thinking about him in the oval office.
Herman Cain -- I've read some of his writings and seen some footage of him. This man is frighteningly dangerous. He's crazier than an owl trapped in a hot attic. He's a modern version of Father Coughlin. Okay I'll stop with the metaphorical waxing. Not only is he woefully unqualified to be president, his views and stances are way off the wall. Hello World War III. He doesn't stand a prayer of getting at the top of the ticket, but some of the nuttier headliners could pick him as veep. Let's hope he's just in the race to win a new talk show at Fox, where he can babble to the choir.
So there you have it. What do you think of my choices? Who would you rank on such a list and why?