Although I've never read the book, the title of Thomas Wolfe's most famous novel rings true, for me personally. I suspect that it rings true for many others just like me. I must admit...I tried. And while it didn't work out for me, I would like to think that Wolfe's novel isn't the last word on the subject. But I also suspect that it probably is. I was born in a small town. That soil nourished me. It made me who I am to this day. I left that small town milieu as a child of 6, and grew up in California. In places that were distinctly NOT small towns.
I graduated from High School in 1974. Went to the University of California at Berkeley. Berkeley was actually my third choice, if you can believe that. I wanted to study agriculture. UC Davis was my first choice, and Irvine was my second. The Davis campus was the premier UC campus for agriculture, but it was small. Irvine was brand new when I graduated High School, and was also a small campus. Their slots filled up quickly. When I got my acceptance letter in the mail, it informed me that I had been redirected to Berkeley. Imagine that...getting into Berkeley as your 3rd choice.
After 5 quarters, I decided to transfer to The Ohio State University...as it was a bona fide "cow college", and I was born in Ohio. I had hopes of not only moving back there, but of becoming a farmer there. It never happened.
That was only the first time I tried to go home again. About 21 years later, I tried again. That attempt was a bust as well.
So...is it true? That you can't go home again? Have you tried it? What have your experiences been? I know that it's a strong attraction for some, just as for many others they seek an escape from "home" and get the hell out of Dodge, and never look back.
This diary is not for them. They never had warm or positive memories to associate with their place of birth and formative years. For those people, who never found the experience to be a positive one, and got the hell out never to look back...more power to you. Mazel Tov.
But for those who left not because they hated it, but because other opportunities beckoned, or your parents moved, or whatever...you just drifted away. Have you ever attempted to move back? And if so, what did you find?
One thing I found was that the town was poorer than I remembered it being. There was always some poverty, to be sure...my home town in Southeastern Ohio is located in the greater Appalachian Region. Mostly rural, but hilly, so the land isn't like Iowa...flat and fertile. There was some strip mining in the area, as coal seams are common in this part of the country. By the time I was High School age, the farmers in the area were already on a trajectory of decline, though I didn't really know it. There were lots of orchards in the county, and every fall Jackson hosted an annual "Apple Festival." In my Junior year of High School, I worked in the orchards picking peaches and apples. It was actually not bad work...we had fun.
Today, Jackson still has its Apple Festival each September, but the apples are mostly brought in from other states. The local orchards have long ago fallen by the wayside...to either housing development, or to a generation who looked at their parents who owned those orchards and said to them..."Ain't no way in hell I'm gonna grow apples for a living. Fuck that!!" (It's so much more lucrative to load up the car, drive down to Broward County, Florida, buy a bunch of oxycontin and drive back to Ohio where you can sell it at an ungodly profit. But that's another rant for another day)
One of my best friends from college, also from Jackson, went back home after graduating. He studied law, and went back home to his small town, hung up his shingle, and has made quite a nice life for himself. Course, his Dad had some money to start with, so that helped. But he could have made a different choice. He told me years ago..."It's better to be a Big Fish in a small pond than a small fish in a big pond." And he's done quite well for himself. The old joke is that a town that small can't support a single lawyer...but two lawyers can get along quite nicely.
I moved back in 2001, thinking I'd give it a try. But there was just nothing there. No jobs...and even my family, whom I have so many fond memories of that are tied to this place, have either moved away or grown older or passed away. The friends I used to cruise around town with back in the old days? Mostly gone as well. The friends I still have there are good people, but they are middle aged now just like me...they are consumed with life and family, and even in a small town I found that when they get home from work they mostly wanted to just cocoon in their place.
In short...the place had no juice. No life. As comfortable and as recognizable as it was...it had changed at the same time. And I? I had lived in California for many years, either in LA or the Bay Area...and I had grown accustomed to the things that one takes for granted living in a metropolitan area. I enjoy cooking, for example. The first time I embarked upon cooking a nice dinner there, I discovered that I was going to need some fresh herbs. The town only has 2 grocery stores, one being WalMart. Neither store had any fresh herbs...I had to drive 24 miles to Chillicothe just to buy some goddamned fresh basil.
There were a number of moments like that...shit you needed, and just figured you could run uptown to pick up...but it wasn't to be found.
That, coupled with the fact that many of the people that my fondest memories were part and parcel of had left, and the place just had a more down on its heels feel to it than I ever remembered...did it for me. I would have been willing to drive 30 miles for a job, had there been any good prospects...but my home had changed...and not for the better.
I left again.
How about you? I'd love to hear some stories from people who have gone home again, and made a positive experience of it. But I'd also be interested to read of any experiences, no matter how they turned out, from those who beat a path back to a place they call home, but found it has changed.