Last night, Jon Stewart looked at the 2012 race heating up in both parties, from Rick Perry stepping all over Michele Bachmann's Ames Straw Poll win, to Obama out touring several midwestern states in what the White House claims is not a campaign event.
Anyway, as the media said, Rick Perry has hit the ground running, and was firing all guns, or to put that slightly more factually, campaigning around Iowa in a bus.
RICK PERRY (8/13/2011): President Obama has been downgrading American jobs. He's been downgrading our standing in the world.
RICK PERRY (8/16/2011): He's gonna talk about jobs, but I think the only job he cares about's the one he's got.
RICK PERRY (8/15/2011): I think you want a President that is passionate about America, that's in love with America.
(in Rick Perry voice) "You want a President that's in love with America. You want a President who would, in a rainstorm, grab America's hand, and take shelter with America in a nearby barn, maybe help America out of its wet clothes. Maybe lay America down on some hay bales and then as America and Rick Perry become one, the sounds of their lovemaking emerging with the thunderstorm's cacophony, the barn shutters rattling, the livestock... the livestock, they wanna look away but they can't, their eyes are transfixed.... I AM RICK PERRY, AND UNLIKE BARACK OBAMA, I WILL FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF AMERICA! OH-MERICA! MMMM!!! OH LORD AMERICA!! OOOOOOO!!!!! America, you got a pretty mouth. I love your mouth, America."
(wild and uncomfortable audience applause)
That was awkward. Um, anyway, what were we talking about? Right, right. Governor, it's Day 2, and you're already cowboy boot-deep in hay, hitting on America. It's a long campaign, man. You're going to have to dial back the Texas a notch, you're already at Yosemite Sam levels.
You gotta dial it back to Walker, Texas Ranger, or Coach Taylor territory.
Video and transcript below the fold.
Now it's been a long summer, so tonight, a change of pace. We're going to cover... politics. In the wake of her Saturday all or not-at-all important less than 200-vote victory over Congressman Ron Paul in the Ames, Iowa, Straw Poll, Michele Bachmann's star shone brightly, on Sunday with appearances on the five Sunday talk shows: This Week, Face the Nation, Meet the Press, Fox News Sunday, State of the Union. She went on ESPN Sunday Night Baseball...
Real Housewives of New Jersey...
and ended the night by attempting to bust Phineas and Ferb.
Oh, there you are, Perry the Platypus!
She was everywhere! Clearly the media is smitten Bachmann fever. We can all settle in for a lengthy media overfeeding at the troth of Bachmann.
ALI VELSHI (8/16/2011): Texas Governor Rick Perry, off and running in the Republican presidential race.
GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS (8/16/2011): The Texas Governor comes out punching against the President.
DREW GRIFFIN (8/16/2011): Texas Governor Rick Perry has hit the ground running.
ANDREA MITCHELL (8/16/2011): Rick Perry coming out firing all guns.
When we come back, we'll find out what Minnesota Congresswomen Michele Bachmann thinks about Rick Perry.
He's new! We haven't seen him before. The media really is the dog in Up. Squirrel! Squirrel! Squirrel!
You know, it's been seven hours, I'm tired of Michele Bachmann. Squirrel!
Anyway, as the media said, Rick Perry has hit the ground running, and was firing all guns, or to put that slightly more factually, campaigning around Iowa in a bus.
RICK PERRY (8/13/2011): President Obama has been downgrading American jobs. He's been downgrading our standing in the world.
RICK PERRY (8/16/2011): He's gonna talk about jobs, but I think the only job he cares about's the one he's got.
RICK PERRY (8/15/2011): I think you want a President that is passionate about America, that's in love with America.
(in Rick Perry voice) "You want a President that's in love with America. You want a President who would, in a rainstorm, grab America's hand, and take shelter with America in a nearby barn, maybe help America out of its wet clothes. Maybe lay America down on some hay bales and then as America and Rick Perry become one, the sounds of their lovemaking emerging with the thunderstorm's cacophony, the barn shutters rattling, the livestock... the livestock, they wanna look away but they can't, their eyes are transfixed.... I AM RICK PERRY, AND UNLIKE BARACK OBAMA, I WILL FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF AMERICA! OH-MERICA! MMMM!!! OH LORD AMERICA!! OOOOOOO!!!!! America, you got a pretty mouth. I love your mouth, America."
(wild and uncomfortable audience applause)
That was awkward. Um, anyway, what were we talking about? Right, right. Governor, it's Day 2, and you're already cowboy boot-deep in hay, hitting on America. It's a long campaign, man. You're going to have to dial back the Texas a notch, you're already at Yosemite Sam levels.
You gotta dial it back to Walker, Texas Ranger, or Coach Taylor territory.
Now, of course, whilst Republicans joust for position, the President of the United States has the privilege and the benefit of being able to stay above the fray, months away from having to get his hands dirty with swing state bus travel.
EARLY SHOW (8/15/2011): President Obama goes to Minnesota today, starting a 3-day, 3-state bus tour.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Seriously? Obama's back in campaign mode already?
JAKE TAPPER (8/16/2011): White House officials insist this is an official event, not a campaign event.
WILLIE GEIST (8/16/2011): The Obama administration insists this is not a campaign trip.
Right. No, it's not a campaign trip. I'm sure the President just had some frequent Greyhound miles he had to burn by the end of August or he'd lose them. Plus, I hear the naturally occurring, swing state, red, white, and blue bunting fields are in full bloom.
Actually, the White House insists this trip has nothing to do with the election. It's a chance for Barack Obama to talk about jobs. It's not like he's going to be out there in Middle America pandering.
8/15/2011:
LITTLE KID: Why Cannon Falls?
BARACK OBAMA: Why Cannon Falls? ... Well, I had heard that Cannon Falls has some of the smartest, best looking kids around. And you have confirmed the rumor about the outstanding children of Cannon Falls!
(in Obama voice) "Not like nearby Harlan's Corners, I mean, I heard their kids are as ugly as a bag of walrus dicks, am I right? Walrus dicks? Anybody been to Harlan's Corners? I mean, seriously, I show you their kids and a bag of walrus dicks, you'd never be able to tell 'em apart. Where we heading next, Bob? Oh, Harlan's Corners? All right. That's not gonna be good."
All right, fine, it's a campaign trip. It may be a chance for Obama to work out some new material on the road.
BARACK OBAMA (8/15/2011): Part of the Affordable Care Act health care reform, also known as Obamacare... by the way, you know what, lemme tell ya. I have no problem with folks saying "Obama cares". I do care. If the other side wants to be the folks who don't care, that's fine with me.
Right, but that's not what they're saying, they're.... Ohhhh, a little switch-a-roo. Oh really, you say Obamacare has negative connotations, I find Obamacare quite complimentary. I'm glad you used that phrase. Oh, and thank you for using this poster at your rally.
I'm a big fan of Charlie Chaplin's.
I am rubber, you are glue.
Whatever you say, bounces of me, and sticks to you.
You know, Mr. President, the last time you ran with the audacity of hope, change we can believe in, I'm not sure that's going to fly this campaign. What's this campaign's Yes We Can?
BARACK OBAMA (8/15/2011): We have a political culture that doesn't seem willing to make the tough choices to move America forward. ... What's broken is our politics. ... Some in Congress would rather see their opponents lose than America win. ... Given the challenges we face, we don't have time to play games. ... I know you're frustrated, and I'm frustrated too.
Ah, so I guess this time around, the message is "I thought we could, but it turns out the other guys are assholes."
We'll be right back.
John Hodgman then came on to discuss the Borders going out of business and what it means for the future of bookstores in America.
Meanwhile, Stephen also noted how Obama turned "Obamacare" against his opponents, and noted it really means:
O BAM A CAR E!
He then made a
word cloud based on the 53,000 responses he got as to what his Super PAC should stand for. However, because according to
Citizens United, money = speech, he did a modified word cloud based on how much money each person contributed. So if you had the word "tax", and you gave a dollar, it counted like you said the word once. But if you gave $100, then it was as if the word tax was repeated 100 times. Given that framing, "marijuana" almost disappeared from the word cloud. Pfft... stingy stoners.
So given the new word cloud, Stephen then went to see
Frank Luntz to craft a commercial based on those words.
This could get very interesting. It looks like Stephen has actually HIRED Luntz to do this. And in some more art meets reality crossroads, Rick Perry has
hired away the treasurer of Stephen Colbert's Super PAC.
A new job opening has emerged at Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow, the SuperPAC run by fake news anchor Stephen Colbert. His treasurer, Salvatore Purpura, resigned on Thursday from his duties under Colbert to move on up to manning the same duties at a slightly bigger operation: the Rick Perry (that’s “Perry” with an “e”) campaign.
The news come by way of Politico, which noted that Purpura initially thought of doing both duties, but realized there was a conflict of interest and so resigned. Purpura has a history of working on other Republican campaigns, so it didn’t come exactly as a surprise, particularly since Colbert’s SuperPAC had already endorsed someone sort of like Rick Perry, “Rick Parry,” a fictional candidate Colbert’s statement on Purpura seemed to ignore was not the same person his former treasurer was now working for.