From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
A Message of Hope for Jon Huntsman
[Inspiring Music up and under]
Albert Einstein: Being different can be scary. It can bring on feelings of shame and hopelessness.
Marie Curie: You may feel like your chemistry is all messed up inside!
Al Gore: Coming out can be difficult and frightening. People you thought were your supporters may suddenly turn against you.
James Watson: And your mind may feel all twisted...
Francis Crick: ...like a double helix!
Galileo Galilei: You may be banished. Ostracized. Treated like an outcast and forced to retract your words by signing pledges!
Sir Isaac Newton: You may feel like an external force is being applied to your life's state of uniform motion.
Jonas Salk: But coming out as a Republican presidential candidate who supports science is a brave and noble act. And we all want you to know:
Stephen Hawking: IT…GETS…BETTER.
Charles Darwin: It gets better!
Louis Pasteur: It gets better, mon ami!
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Indubitably!
Carl Sagan: Billions and billions of times better.
Niels Bohr: As a moderate Republican who believes in the concept of testing theories and hypotheses using rigorous standards and methodologies…
Copernicus: …and reporting the conclusions clearly, concisely and accurately for the benefit of humankind's progress and preservation…
Entire staff of the Hadron Collider standing on its roof: …discarding those conclusions that don’t support the theory or hypothesis, and pushing forward to get closer to the truth based on those that do…
Evelyn Fox Keller: …you have so much to offer your party's base, Jon!
Richard Dawkins Like, um…
Albert Einstein: Um…
Marie Curie: Ummmmmm…
Galileo Galilei: Wow---I'm drawin' a blank.
Al Gore: Okay, okay, your party's base thinks you're a total elitist sellout. But the point is…
Thomas Dolby: You're blinding me with science!
Vandana Shiva: And it gets better.
Fang Lizhi: You believe in science? Like climate change and evolution and green energy science and all the rest? And you're open about it and even celebrate it? That doesn't make you weird or strange or sinful to normal people...
Albert Einstein: It makes you a genius. Like me! Heh heh.
100 Middle School Science Teachers Standing in Schoolyard: Science rocks, baby!!!
[They simultaneously drop Menthos into 100 two-liter bottles of Diet Coke in front of them, sending geysers of foam skyward]
Yeahhhh!!!!! Whooooo!!!!
Louis Pasteur: Of course, you've just fllushed your presidential campaign down the drain. That's gotta suck.
Energy Secretary Steven Chu: But it's a sacrifice worth making on behalf of your integrity, intelligence and self-respect. And now that you've effectively stood up to the bullies in the tea party...
Bill Nye the Science Guy: It gets better.
Beaker: Meep Meep Meepmeep!
Ronald Reagan: Hell, even I know that!
[With apologies to Dan Savage.]
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Note: A reminder that the Netroots Nation fall auction is coming up in September. To donate, follow these easy steps: 1) Find something cool to donate 2) Write up a brief description of your item(s), with photos if possible 3) click here to upload your info. The auction super committee---comprised of six Democrats and six…more Democrats!---will contact you by email after they review it. Proceeds go toward helping offset the costs of the 2012 Netroots Nation convention in Providence next June 7-10. C&J is whipping up a couple goodie packages that will amaze and delight you, your friends, and the vuvuzela-snouted arthropods in a distant galaxy and won’t that make for some wild dinner conversation! Anyway. You've been reminded.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Daylight Saving Time ends: 75
Days `til the 64th annual Hard Crab Derby in Crisfield, Maryland: 9
Number of people the Obama administration deported last year, a new record high: 393,000
Number of them who were caught during traffic stops: 40,000
(Source: AP via The Week)
Number of drugs in short supply at hospitals around the country: 180
Percent of hospitals who say the shortage has delayed care for patients: 82%
(Source: American Hospital Association)
Number of U.S. Vice Presidents who later joined the confederacy: 1 (John Breckenridge, Buchanan's veep)
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
Texas, we have a problem. Your GOP governor is running for president against Barack Obama. … Trusting Rick Perry’s tea party credentials is a perilous shot in the dark.
---Michelle Malkin (Yes, that Michelle Malkin!)
All together now: 1…2…3… Whoa!
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Oh…bad monkey!
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CHEERS to throwing the bums out. Libya is still not stable, but everyone pretty much agrees that the fat Gaddafi has sung. Meanwhile, as fussy, fey Republicans complain that our president didn’t boot the Libyan leader fast enough (seriously), the Obama administration says there will be no American boots on the ground in that country. Which I guess answers the question: how come our troops have all of a sudden started wearing Keds?
P.S. Remember when everybody used to refer to Ol' Saggy Jowls as "Libyan Strongman Muammar Gadaffi?" Ah, the good old days, when he could bench-press a torture rack.
JEERS to lies and lying liars. Well, color me surprised (in this case, inky black and smelly)! The ExxonMobil spill cleanup in the Yellowstone River is going---say it with me---slower than predicted. Behold the miracle of modern-day crisis management, Big Oil-style:
On Thursday, crews could be seen methodically picking their way through hundreds of acres of dense underbrush---lopping off oil-stained plants and tree branches with hand clippers and then hauling the material away in plastic bags. Nearby, a small excavator was pulling apart a tangle of logs and branches---one of many debris piles that company representatives said would have to be sorted by hand to remove anything stained with oil.
And paper towels! Don’t forget they're also mopping up the shoreline with paper towels! (I wonder if they prefer the extra-thickness of Brawny or the super absorption speed of Bounty.) So: the spill won't be cleaned up by the September deadline. Instead, they pinky-swear it'll all be back to pristine condition by…oh, hell, who knows? They keep their goalposts on wheels so they can move 'em as needed. Meanwhile, on the other side of the country, the Tar Sands protests continue. Among those now risking arrest: Daryl Hannah. Police with special training in mermaid-control will be on hand with handcuffs and tartar sauce.
JEERS to the Eye of Sauron Irene. Well, East Coasters, C&J has gazed into its crystal ball and it looks like you've got a noisy, violent, inconsiderate, no-good windbag visitor planning to barge into your life and leave a big mess behind without so much as a please or a thank you. Plus there's also a hurricane headed your way. Good time to visit the in-laws in Topeka?
CHEERS to giving a whack to a hack. House Republicans are desperately trying to keep the unconstitutional Defense of Marriage Act intact, and they've hired crackerjack lawyer (the BEST IN THE BUSINESS!) Paul Clement to defend it. Keep in mind that the following represents the best that Clement will ever do in court:
Today, Boehner's lawyers got slammed in the case against DOMA brought by 81-year old Edie Windsor. Clement cited the research of Professor Lisa Diamond in one of his motions to end the case. He's been trying to sneak in testimony without going through the usual process. But, today, Diamond responded that Boehner's legal team has misconstrued and distorted her work. She stated, "They have completely misrepresented my research."
When DOMA wasn't being legally challenged---i.e. as the case was being built but hadn’t yet gone to court---it was easy to sweep arguments against it under the table and trot out all the stereotypes ("Gays are pedophiles who want to indoctrinate your children and blah blah blah sin against nature and blah blah blah it's a choice and, again I say, blah blah…"). But, as we saw in California's Prop. 8 case, and as we're seeing here, once those stereotypes run smack-dab into the buzzsaw of proof, or lack thereof, they evaporate faster than a Sarah Palin bus caravan two seconds after she's gotten enough photo-ops for a new "Remember me?" video. DOMA has nowhere to go legally except the dustbin of history. If ya gotta watch a slo-mo train wreck, this is the way to do it. (My lawn chair has a cup holder!)
CHEERS to pissing off the man in curlers. On this date in 1775, King George III got all pissy and accused the colonies of being in "an open and avowed rebellion." And we were all, like, "Huh? Are you referring to little old us? Why, we’re just grubby old farmers and fussy old shopkeepers---we wouldn’t hurt a fly!" Then we declared independence and kicked their ass. Psych!
JEERS to old-time blue-collar populism done badly! Mitt Romney is burnishing his man-of-the-common-folk credentials by issuing stern instructions to a La Jolla, California construction company:
"Mr. Foreman! Tear down this 12-million-dollar, three-thousand-square-foot beach house of mine…and, in its place, put up a new beach house that will be four times larger!"
Clearly a man whose rhetoric needs a little, um, fine tuning. Maybe you should start with, say, a wall first, sir. Yeah, try that. A wall.
CHEERS to good advice. Rick Perry to Americans: my book is full of shit, so don’t read it. Okay. if you insist.
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Five years ago in C&J: August 23, 2006
JEERS to outsourcing thuggery. Lovely bit of fun from the Bush administration and its lapdog congress. First they fired IRS tax lawyers whose job was to go after wealthy cheaters. Now they want the agency to sic private bill collectors on the little guy. Just one catch...the move will be 6,429 percent less efficient than hiring more IRS agents. Wait a minute...less efficient? Actually, I think I could live with that.
JEERS to the games nitwits play. Over at the Department of Homeland Security, they thought it would be kewl to play a cyber-simulation wargame. The "enemies" in the exercise included hippies, anti-war activists, vegans, nuns, Massachusetts Democrats, and labor unions...but not terrorist groups like al Qaeda. Ow---I just rolled my eyes so hard I got a glimpse of my brain. Funny, I don't recall getting a "Mother" tattoo there.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the birthday pootie. Hardly a day goes by when I'm not reminded of how quickus the tempus fugits. Two years ago, Michael and I surrounded ourselves with kitties at the local shelter, and picked the one that bit our ankles the least. We named her Fantom on account of she kinda has a mask like the Phantom of the Opera (but with an F to avoid any Andrew Lloyd Webber lawsuits). Fantom is a petite calico with unusually stubby legs---we call her the dachshund of cats. And she does, well, what cats do: eat, sleep, poop, drink out of the faucet, barf, have stare-downs with squirrels, catch bugs using her patented "clap your paws together like cymbals" maneuver, piss the dog off by sleeping on her bed, purr when skritched, don’t come when called, yowl for no earthly reason in the middle of the night… Oh, wait, sorry, that's me. Fantom does all that, too, but much cuter. So Happy Birthday, pootie. And thanks for keeping us for another year.
Have a holly jolly Tuesday. Click here and see something cool. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Cheers and Jeers isn’t perfect. Even in August, it can rain cats and dogs---which is why I’m still sitting in the lounge blogging over my coffee and herring.
---Paul Krugman
8/21/11
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