They're back after a 2-week vacation, and Stephen Colbert began last night's show with a quick and funny takedown of Michele Bachmann's comments on the earthquake and Hurricane Irene.
9/4/2011:
BOB SCHIEFFER: Do you believe that God does use the weather to send people messages here on Earth?
MICHELE BACHMANN: Obviously, I was speaking metaphorically. That was clear to the audience, it was clear to me.
OK? Metaphor. In this metaphor, God represents the American people, politicians represent themselves, and the hurricane represents the earthquake. OK? Metaphor. And Bachmann herself is a simile. Because she is like or as someone who makes sense.
Video and transcript below the fold.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have been on break for two weeks, and while I was gone, the East coast was struck by an earthquake and a hurricane. One more natural disaster, and we get a free Blizzard. Well folks, in light of these events, I am forced to issue a rare public apology to the gays.
Now if you're watching and you're gay, wake up your partner. I want Rafael to hear this too. You see, I wasn't stateside when this went down. I was in New Zealand. It is the only place to get Maori warrior fur-covered crotch flaps at a reasonable price. My old ones were all worn out.
Now I know from my TV preacher friends that God sends hurricanes and earthquakes to punish gayness, so when I heard that He had hit the Mid-Atlantic states with a hurricane and and earthquake, I naturally thought, "How gay did the gays gay it this time?"
I mean, is Washington, D.C., now AC/DC? Did Lincoln give Jefferson a reach-around? Did Lady Liberty join a softball league?
Well, it turns out it wasn't caused by the gays, and I sincerely apologize for the insensitive things I just said about them. Michele Bachmann explained the real reason.
MICHELE BACHMANN (8/28/2011): Now I don't know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We've got an earthquake, we've had a hurricane. He said, "Are you going to start listening to me here?" Listen to the American people!
Yes! Hurricanes have that hole in the middle because they're God's megaphone that He uses so politicians can hear the American people over His earlier earthquake, which I believe is God's sub-woofer.
But of course, of course, the blame-scream-screedia... (audience applause) thank you, trademark... on their Sunday gotcha shows have to question everything.
9/4/2011:
BOB SCHIEFFER: Do you believe that God does use the weather to send people messages here on Earth?
MICHELE BACHMANN: Obviously, I was speaking metaphorically. That was clear to the audience, it was clear to me.
OK? Metaphor. In this metaphor, God represents the American people, politicians represent themselves, and the hurricane represents the earthquake. OK? Metaphor. And Bachmann herself is a simile. Because she is like or as someone who makes sense.
Stephen then launched into a Wørd segment on how a new study shows that if you know the ending to a story before reading it, you're more likely to actually enjoy it.
His guest was recent GOP presidential dropout
Tim Pawlenty.
Meanwhile, Jon covered "
Speechgate" with
John Oliver as how the media manufactured conflict over a silly
scheduling snafu.
He then looked at the
rhetoric coming from Teamsters President James Hoffa, though he didn't talk about how Fox News
edited the footage. Some of you may be pissed at this segment as one of "false equivalency".
Then Jon's guest was former Louisiana Governor
Buddy Roemer (D, then R).