From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Stand back!
You're just in time for the firing of the starter pistol to kick off the big event:
[ka-THWOOOOOOOMP!!!]
Did I say pistol? I meant vintage W.W. II bazooka. Sorry 'bout your pumpkin patch, ma'am.
Anyway. The Netroots Nation Fall Online Auction is now open for your viewing and bidding pleasure. There's something for everyone. Like, fer instance...
>> Clinton Inaguration Day postal covers
>> A copy of The Green Collar Economy autographed by Van Jones, and My Story autographed by Geraldine Ferraro
>> Chocolate, including rare custom-made M&Ms with C&J sayings and the ducky logo
>> Set of 3 Rail Posters from Artist Mitch Markovitz.
>> St. Louis Gooey Butter Bars!
>> Vintage and contemporary jewelry
>> A piece of labor history: Wisconsin Uprising buttons
>> Netroots Nation '12 (in Providence, RI next June) exclusives, including backstage passes, lunch with Howard Dean, and a WaterFire gondola ride!
>> A dog lover's basket
>> Cool stuff for around the home
>> Yes, even a customized pootie painting!
And more, more, more. Honestly, this is the best collection yet. Proceeds go to fund both the annual Netroots Nation convention and its regional events.
Items will be added throughout the auction, so check back often. And if you have an item or two to donate, the process is simple---just click here to get started
Bid early, bid often, bid with vigah! And good luck!
Meanwhile Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Note: For the record, I'm neutral towards the ongoing Daily Kos boycott. But I just want you to know that, should the conflict cross into the Unorganized Territory of C&J, we're prepared to defend ourselves to the last, um…quack.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til fall: 10
Days `til the West Virginia Roadkill Cook-off and Autumn Harvest Festival in Marlinton: 11
Percent increase in domestic violence when the local NFL team unexpectedly loses a game: 10%
When it loses to a traditional rival: 20%
(Source: Harper's Index)
Full weight of the NASA satellite that might, but probably won't, hit you when it falls to earth late this month or early next month: 6 tons
Actual weight of the metal that will survive re-entry and maybe, but probably not, hit you when it falls to earth: 1,200 lbs
(Source: NASA)
Number of balloons used at the "world's largest water-balloon fight" at the University of Kentucky August 26th: 175,141
(Source: Rachel Maddow)
New England Patriots 38 Miami Dolphins 24
Number of passing yards thrown by Tom Brady: 517 (a team record)
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
For the past year, Palin fans have become an online fixture with more venom and insanity than the most rabid Ron Paul fan. They have not evangelized on behalf of Sarah Palin trying to lead people to Sarah Palin, they have freaked a lot of us out.
---Erick Erickson at RedState
All together now: 1…2…3… You bought her, you own her.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Chiweenie centenarian
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CHEERS to showing us the money. President Obama said last week during his Big Jobs Speech (which really is big---yay!) that his bill would be paid for. Yesterday he showed us how: by using a velvet juicer to squeeze a teeeeeeny tiny bit of the money that corporations and the rich have sucked out of the middle class over the last 30 years. It's intelligent, it's simple, it's elegant, it's doable, it's virtually painless, it's a plan that can be executed quickly and make a real difference in the unemployment rate…and you're probably expecting me to now say, "and It's dead on arrival." Eh…not yet. Judging by his new display of mojo, I'm thinking maybe Obama found an old bottle of Hopeychangeitol in his medicine cabinet. The kick of caffeine…the brain boost of gingko...the Zen of valium. And when used as directed, side effects may include an election that lets you last more than four years. Bottom line, as always: ask your votiers if Jobs Jobs Jobs is right for you.
JEERS to the essence of the teabagger. At last night's disgusting Republican presidential primary debate in Tampa, the new Commandment, based on the rabble's whoop-and-holler scale, rang loud and clear: "Thou Shalt Let Thy Neighbor Drop Dead." Also:
- Perry: Social Security is still a Ponzi scheme, but we'll fix it up so that's it's a riskier and less sustainable Ponzi scheme.
- Romney: Hey, Perry, I'm open to the veep slot, y'know. Have your people call my people.
- Santorum: Latinos…Illegal immigrants…what's the dif'?
- Cain: Mention this debate and get two medium pizzas for just 9.99!
- Bachmann: I will work tirelessly. And rudderlessly!
- Huntsman: Governor Perry, I never knew Kurt Cobain. Kurt Cobain was not a friend of mine. And you, sir, I'm pretty sure aren't Kurt Cobain. But I'm going to mention Kurt Cobain because I think it might make me seem hip. Also you're guilty of treason. But I'm open to the veep slot. Have your people call my people.
- Gingrich & Paul "Hey, wanna get a beer since we have no chance of winning a single delegate?" "Sure. But first I need to pick up some chickens. My doctor's been pestering me about paying my bill."
The next debate will be hosted by Fox News September 22 in the great state of denial.
P.S. Let it be known that any pretense the tea party had of being some kind of inclusive party full of Republicans, independents and "moderate Democrats" is now officially horseshit---the damned event last night was called, officially, "The CNN/Tea Party Republican Debate." Now perhaps they can tell us why they were so embarrassed to embrace who they really are for so long. My guess: the hats.
CHEERS to super storage. Hug your hard drive today---it's the 55th birthday of the IBM RAMAC (Random Access Method of Accounting and Control) 305. To show how far we've come since 1956, you can watch the original promotional film for it…on your gol'durn phone! From an MSNBC article no longer active (thank you, C&J archives):
The total amount of information stored on its 50 spinning iron-oxide-coated disks--each of them a pizza-size 24 inches--was 5 megabytes. That's not quite enough to hold two MP3 copies of Elvis Presley's "Hound Dog."
"It was about the size of two large refrigerators, about as tall as a person stands, and though it used vacuum tubes, it was always running," recalls Jim Porter, who worked at Crown Zellerbach in San Francisco in the mid-'50s and would proudly take people to the basement to see what he claims was the very first unit delivered by IBM. "It really turned the tide [in the Information Age]," he says. [...] Without astronomically capacious random-access hard disks, you couldn't imagine the likes of Google, eBay or Amazon.
Let's all say Happy 55th birthday to the hard-workin' hard drive: "01001000 01100001 01110000 01110000 01111001 00100000 01000010 01101001 01110010 01110100 01101000 01100100 01100001 01111001" And a 00010001 to grow an inch.
JEERS to Hanes hack jobs. What a waste of perfectly good headgear. The Feds working on the Christmas Day bomber case have hired an expert witness to take a pair of tidy whities and recreate the infamous underwear boom-boom:
Justice Department prosecutors filed a motion on Friday that said an explosives expert "will explain to the jury the components of the defendant's bomb, why the bomb did not fully function as intended, and how the bomb would have exploded if it had fully functioned properly."
Just a guess: suddenly and violently? Meanwhile, another potential underwear-related disaster may be unfolding today as Republican Bob Turner and bumbling Democrat Inspector Jacques Clouseau square off over Anthony Weiner's seat in New York's 9th District. Both have promised to keep their concession and victory speeches, um, brief.
JEERS to Hell on earth. The U.S. just experienced its warmest summer in 75 years, and the longer Rick Perry prayed for an end to the blistering, the longer it lasted. But that's nothing compared to what happened on September 13, 1922, when the highest recorded temperature on earth reached 136 degrees Fahrenheit in Al Azizia, Libya. That's, of course, if you don’t count the flaming asshole who ran that place for forty years.
CHEERS to getting 'em hooked up young. Ah, to be a kid again. At Auburn's Washburn Elementary School here in our fair state of Maine, kindergarten students are, for the first time, each getting a shiny new iPad to start off the school year. So far the response has been mixed. The kids say they make great milk-and-cookie trays, but lousy frisbees.
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Five years ago in C&J: September 13, 2006
CHEERS to gettin' high. After days of delays (read: last-minute potty breaks), the space shuttle Atlantis blasted off Saturday to the triumphant words from Mission Control: "We have lift-off of the Shuttle Atlantis, now on its way to accomplish a very important mission to...to...um---(Hey Wally! What's the mission this time? Whaddya mean 'Oops??!!')---to go to Mars or something, I dunno." Point is...proud day.
CH...CH...EERS? to nailbiters. Glitches with---surprise!!---Diebold electronic voting machines have delayed the vote-tallying in Maryland's 4th district. But with seventy-five percent of the vote in, Donna Edwards (Yay) has passed Al Wynn (Boo)---she's leading by just over 200 votes. I know it's early, but...anyone care for a drink while we're waiting? [9/13/11 Update: She narrowly lost that race, but won in 2008 and again in 2010. So a drink would be lovely with two-term---and counting---Congresswoman Edwards.]
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the last Texas governor who had more than two brain cells to rub together. Why does it always seems like the heroes among us die more often than the weaseljerks? Former Texas governor Ann Richards---whose reelection campaign was thwarted by Karl Rove's smear tactics ("I'm not saying she's a lesbian, but…..")---died on September 13, 2006 at age 73. She mulled her epitaph back in '95:
"I did not want my tombstone to read, 'She kept a really clean house.' I think I'd like them to remember me by saying, 'She opened government to everyone,'"
She got her wish.
Molly Ivins and Richards became close friends, and you can read Molly's tribute here. A snip:
She was so generous with her responses to other people. If you told Ann Richards something really funny, she wouldn't just smile or laugh, she would stop and break up completely. She taught us all so much---she was a great campfire cook. Her wit was a constant delight. One night on the river on a canoe trip, while we all listened to the next rapid, which sounded like certain death, Ann drawled, "It sounds like every whore in El Paso just flushed her john." […]
One of the most moving memories I have of Ann is her sitting in a circle with a group of prisoners. Ann and [Bob] Bullock had started a rehab program in prisons, the single most effective thing that can be done to cut recidivism (George W. Bush later destroyed the program). The governor of Texas looked at the cons and said, "My name is Ann, and I am an alcoholic." She devoted untold hours to helping other alcoholics, and anyone who ever heard her speak at an AA convention knows how close laughter and tears can be. […]
Ann got handed a stinking mess: Damn near every state function was under court order. The prisons were so crowded, dangerous convicts were being let loose. She had a long, grinding four years and wound up fixing all of it. She always said you could get a lot done in politics if you didn't need to take credit.
We hope she's haulin' ass on the open road in the hereafter. But, damn, we need more Ann Richardses down here on the third muckball from the sun. Lots more.
Enjoy your Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Who has time for homework when there's a new Cheers and Jeers out? She'll love this tee that's just as cute and sassy as Bill in Portland Maine is."
---JC Penney
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