I read DocStory Ticking-Time-Bombs and know I'm one of those on the edge. Will I continue to suffer, will I get better, will I die an early death? Life is an unfolding journey to where and for what?
I cried many tears tonight, especially after I heard they had executed Troy Davis. The U.S. as a "Christian nation" is not Christ-like at all. Many h8ters resemble the Romans, or ancient tribal cults that sacrificed the Lamb. I'm disgusted that our countrymen murder our citizens so freely and without remorse. Another murder does not reverse the first murder. Troy Davis is just one example of how justice is not for all in the U.S. Police abuse and intimidation of witnesses is not rare, and without unquestionable evidence. the poor, and especially people of color are targets more often than mid-to-upper-class whites.
The other thing that upset me tonight is a call from a friend in SW Michigan. Him and his wife are homeless. Well, actually they are living in a 20' boat in his sisters back yard. These are the people that took me in 2 years ago when I was in Michigan. At the time they lived on Lake Michigan on a beautiful property, but I knew they were in trouble. More below the sqiggle.
Margie used to work at the Whirlpool Administration Center and made good money in a management position. About 4-5 years ago she was laid off. About that time she started having major problems with diabetes. She was in the hospital with brain swelling at one point. When I stayed with them in 2009, I tried to help them file for disability, since Margie seemed to be 'out of it' most of the time. Her blood sugar was off the charts. Her husband is ADHD, but does what he can to get by. Anyway, they lost their million dollar property on Lake Michigan due to foreclosure by BOA on a $140,000 loan. Now they are homeless. Her husband told me how a local church had purchased Margie's diabetes meds for her for this month. He sounded upbeat and told me, "we're doing great". I knew he was lying, but wasn't sure what to say. No words can make it better for them.
I'm upset, depressed, and anxious. I have a tightness in my chest and have been rocking back and forth with a knot in my gut. Took a Soma hours ago and a Valium about 1 am. Neither have been much help. I have a SSDI hearing on Monday. A judge now has my future in his hands too. Will I get another chance at life, or will the judge give me more poverty, suffering, and death. I'm a ticking time bomb. I need help to finish my life in a useful, productive manner, with dignity. There are so many of us ticking time bombs in the U.S. today. Many of us lived and worked through good times and bad. We've been the guinea pigs of power brokers who have run our corporations for a half a century plus. We try their drugs, eat their processed, hormone, and antibiotics laden food, and now gmo food. We drove up productivity to this counties highest levels. The foods, pace and pressures of our society have now worn us down. Motivation is lacking when you don't feel well, you hurt, or you can't concentrate. Chronic pain continues to be a big problem for many disabled. I can't even get a pain medication from my doctor anymore; they no longer prescribe narcotics. You have to see a pain specialist. Just what I need...another doctor bill from someone who wants to give me steroid injections, no thanks. I had a prescription for 30 Hydrocodone a month for years, but now that's forbidden. I only took them when I really needed them. Somedays I didn't take any, but on a bad day I'd only take 3-4. I didn't abuse them, only used them to relieve my suffering. Doctors have documented that I have herniated discs, arthritis, degenerative disc disease, and fibromyalgia. The little people have to suffer. They government's war on drugs is idiotic...it only drives the illegal trade in drugs more and punishes those that are suffering. You can buy the narcotics on the street for $3-4 per pill, but not from your doctor for an affordable price, so I suffer because I'm poor and in pain. I grieve not only for myself, but for the millions in this country who are in the same predicament. I grieve for those unjustly imprisoned and murdered, and for all the lives lost due to greed, war, and the lust for power. I only want a civilized society where we care about each other and we help those in need. There are many physically and mentally ill who are disabled in this country today. If many of us would have got the health care we needed in years past, maybe we wouldn't be disabled. Maybe I wouldn't have needed a pacemaker at age 45, maybe I'd be in much better condition today if health care was available for all in need. Maybe I wouldn't be so depressed, in pain, and still having an anxiety attack at 5:30 am if we lived in a utopian world where we cared for our fellow man. I'm a dreamer from the 60's and 70's, not big dreams, just joyful and loving dreams for a better world, a kinder world.