From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
8 Laps Around the Blog Track
December 10, 2003. A Wednesday. 7:33pm. Shrouded in the New England darkness, with only the constellation Orion to guide him, a newbie blogger, looking almost freakishly younger than his 39 years, clasps his mouse with trembling fingers and clicks the gray "Post" button. Suddenly the heavens above erupt in a frenzy of partly cloudy skies with a slight chance of flurries and a light N-NW breeze as the blog accepts his diary:
Cheers and Jeers: New series
This is followed by two comments: Nevsky42 at 7:38 and Bob Johnson at 7:50. These are then followed by the first woman Speaker of the House, the first black president, health insurance reform, the death of Osama bin Laden and an end to the Iraq War. And while the Pulitzer committee denies the newbie blogger his prize(s) due to---their words---"stalking," the newbie blogger does become Time magazine's Person of the Year.
And the site at which the first C&J was posted? It becomes the #1 political community blog in the tri-county area.
I've submitted all of the above to MIT as proof that the "bloggerfly effect" exists. It's a heavy burden, controlling the universe like this, but as I mark C&J's 8th anniversary, I promise to continue blogging only for the good, the pure and the true.
But enough about me. Let's talk about you. Here are ten things I bet you didn’t know about me: 1) When I was two the oven door slammed shut on my hand while my mom was broiling steaks 2) When I was six I got a chunk of roofing slate stuck through my thumbnail 3) When I was eight I fell off a bridge 4) When I was nine I accidentally dumped a gallon of gray paint on the carpet in my 4th-grade classroom 5) When I was 12 I flinched when my brother tried to tickle me and ended up with six stitches in my head 6) When I was 16 I broke my leg while riding my bike to school 7) When I was 22 I shook George Takei's hand and turned him gay 8) When I was 28 I suffered a breakdown and voted for Ross Perot 9) When I was 32 I suffered a relapse and did the same thing. 10) When I was writing this paragraph I tore a rotator cuff.
As you can see, I clearly need an army of chaperones to help me make it through this life and I can't think of a better bunch than you, the orange masses, to fulfill the awesome task. I am particularly grateful that in 2007 you chose to put me on your collective---and full-time---payroll. I try to keep my fundraising posts few and far between, so consider this the last one you'll see in a long time:
If you'd like to support C&J with a generous donation of $200, $500, $1,000 or $250,000 per month (or as a one-time donation if you're gonna be cheap about it), click here for the various donation options and also a snail mail address. Donate a cool million and we'll give you naming rights for our rubber ducky mascot who currently only responds to: "Look! Rubber ducky porn!"
Although it's been said many times, many ways: thank you again for reading and supporting my little pixelfied rag for eight years running. It's an odd little piece of shit, but it's our odd little piece of shit.
Come on down and I'll pull your finger for a change. Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, December 9, 2011
Note: The Super Committee composed of poor unemployed people has been disbanded on account of the Super Committee composed of rich employed people decided that too many Super Committees would just confuse the rest of the people. We regret the inconvenience and/or confusion.
Sincerely,
The Gang of 6, The Gang of 8, The Gang of 12 and the Gang of 14
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the last full lunar eclipse until 2014: <1 (starts at 4:45am PT)
Days `til the Phoenix Tequila Fest: 1
Percent of, respectively, Americans, Brits and French who believe their culture is superior to all others: 49%, 32%, 27%
(Source: Pew Research survey)
Percent of America's tart cherries grown in Michigan: 75%
Number of cherry pies that can be made from the cherries off of one tree: 28
(Source: Parade)
Number of presidents who never ran for president: 4 (Tyler, Fillmore, A. Johnson, Arthur)
Percent chance that Princess Leia was on a mercy mission: 0%
(Source: The Empire)
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Puppy Pic of the Day: My senior editor since the beginning: Molly, by golly!
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CHEERS to Billy the gap filler. Earlier this week President Obama gave a fightin' speech in Kansas that evoked the progressivism of Teddy Roosevelt. Of course the supporters of the 1% weren't impressed, including Investor's Business Daily, which chose to cherry-pick history:
Obama apparently slept through the 1980s, when Reagan's tax-cutting, free-market policies unleashed an economic powerhouse that drove two decades of growth, produced record low unemployment and improved prosperity for everyone.
Of course, they failed to complete their thought, so I'll do it for them: "Investor's Business Daily apparently slept through the 1990s, when Clinton's tax-raising free-market policies unleashed an even bigger economic powerhouse than Reagan's, and Investor's Business Daily definitely slept through the first decade of the 2000s, when Bush's tax-cutting, free-market policies---and warmongering---unleashed the most horrific economic collapse, deficits and unemployment since the Great Depression." I'm sure they'll be posting a correction sometime shortly after never.
CHEERS to almost hitting the trifecta. Headlines I saw yesterday: Sandusky jailed. Blagojevich jailed. And I also saw this: "Cheney to serve 7 years." Sadly, I quickly figured out it was a different Cheney. What tipped me off was there weren't any zeroes after the seven.
JEERS to things that go "Poof!" And now a special message from former MF Global CEO Jon Corzine:
"Hi there! How 'bout this weather? Crazy, huh! Say, if any of you see $1.2 billion lying around---like, say, on a park bench or the sidewalk or perhaps in your freezer---I'd really appreciate it if you'd give me a jingle at 1-800-WHOOPSIE. We'll come pick it up and give it a stern talking to for walking off like that. Thanks, folks, you're the best. Toodles!
I do hope this hasn’t inconvenienced him too much, what with the holidays coming and all.
P.S. And, folks, while you're lookin' around for the missing $1.2 billion: if you should happen to stumble on any stray moon rocks, please throw a few stamps on 'em and send 'em to NASA. They're missing 500 of 'em. (I swear tuh god this whole planet's losing its marbles…)
JEERS to hasty decisions made too hastily. Let's talk sexypoo. You think there's anger at Obama now over HHS's recent Plan B decision? We were also livid at Clinton on December 9, 1994, when Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders essentially got the boot for having the gall to suggest that teaching kids about masturbation might help prevent the spread of AIDS. "Education, education, education," she said. "The only way we are going to get around this disease is with education." Clinton should've let her stay. He might've learned that playing with yourself prevents something else: impeachment.
CHEERS to the owner of the world's deepest chin dimple. Hollywood legend Kirk Douglas celebrates his 95th birthday today, and he's still as with it as ever. For the record: I am Spartacus. What's that? You're Spartacus, too??? Wow---peas in a pod.
CHEERS to accepting the assignment. Responding to a reporter's question about how Republicans are accusing him of "appeasing" terrorists, President Obama responded: "Ask Osama bin Laden…whether I engage in appeasement." According to my Rosetta Stone English-to-Evil App, "Glug Glug Glug" is a definite "nuh-uh."
CHEERS to home vegetation. Here's the haps on the weekend teevee. Tomorrow at 9 ABC News hosts the 543rd Republican debate. (Drinking game: Take a swig every time a candidate ignores an attempt by Diane Sawyer or George Stephanopoulos to cut off their filibuster.) New DVD releases include Cowboys and Aliens, The Help, Mr. Popper's Penguins and The Hangover, Part II. Katy Perry hosts SNL. Here's your NFL schedule, but the BIG game this weekend is the 112th Army-Navy game on CBS. On 60 Minutes: President Obama. The season finale of Boardwalk Empire on HBO promises to be gangsterrific.
And here's your Sunday morning lineup. Just for the hell of it, let's test the liberal media by adding up the current or former elected Dem and Repub politicians who are appearing this weekend:
Up! With Chris Hayes: Tomorrow's edition (7-9 am) has NAACP head Ben Jealous, Halfway sane GOP presidential candidate Buddy Roemer, "Wake Up Call's" Esther Armah and Victoria Defrancesco of Latino Decisions. Check his site tomorrow for the Sunday lineup. Dem/Repub Count: 0/1
Meet the Press: Ron Paul; Sen Dick Durbin (D-IL) and Lindsay Graham (R-Fussbucket); roundtable with Chuck Todd, Ted Koppel, Lisa Meyers and Alex Castellanos. Dem/Repub Count: 1/2
This Week: Jon Huntsman; debate post-mortem; roundtable with George Will, Donna Brazile, GOP strategist Leslie Sanchez and Des Moines Register political columnist Kathie Obradovich from Iowa. Dem/Repub Count: 0/1
CNN's State of the Union: Rick Santorum; Former U.S. Rep Bob Walker (R-PA), former NH Gov. John Sununu (R); Postmaster general Patrick Donahoe; former Obama Communications Director Anita Dunn and former Rep. Tom Davis (R-VA) Dem/Repub Count: 0/4
Face the Nation: Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), Rep. Steve King (R-IA); Norah O'Donnell and John Dickerson. Dem/Repub Count: 0/2
Washington Week: Major Garrett of National Journal on the Gingrich surge; Charles Babington of the Associated Press on Romney & Perry's war on Newt; John Harwood of CNBC and Alexis Simendinger of RealClearPolitics on Obama's 2012 campaign strategy. (Spoiler Alert: "Win.") Dem/Repub Count: NA
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Rick Perry; Sen. Mitch McConnell; roundtable with Paul Gigot, Liz Cheney, Mara Liasson and Juan Williams. Dem/Repub Count: 0/2
Final Dem/Repub Count: 1/12. Damn you, lamestream media and your liberal bias! (But happy viewing, anyway…)
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Five years ago in C&J: December 9, 2006
JEERS to a harsh dose of reality. We're thrilled that Mary Cheney is pregnant and that she and Heather are going to be moms. Not so thrilled is the state of Virginia, where the baby will be raised. Says John at Americablog:
[Virginia's anti-gay] laws may vitiate any legal agreement between the two, period, about anything. The law ensures that Mary's partner has no legal rights whatsoever in their child, or in what happens to Mary (or vice versa), such as if one partner has to go the hospital, the other can't visit. The law may even nullify any wills that Mary and Heather write regarding each other, and it may make it impossible for gay people to go to court to resolve any difference about anything---the courts can't recognize gay unions, so they can't make any decisions that would imply recognition (custody, hospital visitation, wills, etc.) It's beyond ironic that Virginia's new law, one of the most hateful, bigoted laws on the books, is now targeting the vice president's own daughter and soon-to-be new grandchild.
See, it's easy to be gay in America. Just never break up, never buy anything together, never get sick, and never die. Paradise!
CHEERS to a night on the town. Two "ice groomer jockeys" in Boise, Idaho were fired after driving a couple Zambonis (top speed: 5mph) to Burger King in the middle of the night. It was reckless! It was foolish! It was dangerous! Let me try! Let me try!!
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And just one more…
CHEERS to joining the club in Cleveland. I must say, this whole Rock and Roll Hall of Fame fad seems to have a wee bit of staying power. The 25th annual inductees were announced this week, and the winning performers are:
Performer Category: Beastie Boys, Donovan, Guns N’ Roses, Laura Nyro, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and The Small Faces/The Faces
Early Influence: Freddie King
Ahmet Ertegun (nonperformer) Award: Don Kirshner
The Award for Musical Excellence: Cosimo Matassa, Tom Dowd, Glyn Johns
They'll make it official on March 14 during a big concert that'll be televised---from the waist up to protect our children from the evils of gyrating hips, from the neck down to protect our children from stray cuss words, and the chest area will be blurred to protect our children from nipple-revealing wardrobe malfunctions. It'll be a wonderful day of navel gazing.
Thanks again for reading and supporting C&J for the last eight years. Season 9 starts bright and early Monday. Have a great weekend! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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