Hi my name is Jeff, and I am a service connected disable Veteran, medically retired from the US Army, I once read somewhere that life should not be measured in the number of breathes your take, but in the moments that take your breath away. In keeping with that train of thought, I say WAR SHOULD NOT BE MEASURED IN THE BILLIONS SPENT, OR THE BOMBS DROPPED, BUT IN THE NUMBER OF LIVES DESTROYED!
After several years of physical therapy I have learned to write again, I can hold a pencil, though I have no feeling in my hand and arms. Though I have no feeling in my feet and legs I can still walk, but often trip going up stairs. But my story is not about the physical impairment and physical pain I must now endure due to my military service, this story seems over done to me, and is a SMALL number of people in the military. The story I want to tell is a different story, one with a lot more stigma, and one that seems to me is INVISIBLE in the mainstream media! The psychological and social impacts that one has to deal with after leaving the “military family”.
I want to share the untold story of the Mental Illness that military service can cause, about not being able to sleep due to the nightmares, about the flashbacks, the panic attacks, the seizures, and the always being afraid and uncomfortable around groups of people, never knowing who the suicide bomber is! I want to have the reader join me on a Psycho-Social Recovery Program, learning new skills to cope with the nightmares and flashbacks. Learning how to cope with the looks due to my physical imperfections.
I want the reader to have a front seat to the real cost of War, which is in the human psyche! How can one ever feel comfortable dancing in a Disco after one has watched 32 of ones friends be blown out of existence by a suicide bomber? How do you un-see a pair of shoes sitting on the floor were a friend once stood, empty and smoking! How do you learn to stop checking your entire underside of the car for bombs before you get in? How do you learn to feel safe and comfortable in a car that you have not checked thoroughly?
The true battlefield in War, if you ask me is in the MIND! I don’t even know if it is possible to heal these scars, but I am hopeful. And so today, while my physical rehabilitation is complete, my mental war and recovery has just begun.
Today I started the San Francisco VAMC’s PRRC Program, which works for Psycho-Social Recovery. I truly believe that recovery is possible, that I can once again have a life that I can value and desire and one that will reflect my unique talents, strengths, and values. I also truly believe that I will someday be able to get a good nights sleep without my psyche victimizing me even more.
The PRRC promises that they will help me regain some of the things I have lost, like relationships, reconnect with the community, helping and supporting me going back to school or doing volunteer work. And for the first time in a long time I am HOPEFUL that one day I will feel like I matter again, and can make a contribution to society!
HIGH LEVEL INITIAL RECOVERY GOALS:
Repair/Re-introduce myself to old Friends/Relationships, Reconnect with the Community, Finding Volunteer Opportunities, Socializing. These are sort of the "big Picture" of what I would like to initially work on/regain.
I am hoping that this opportunity will help build a foundation for recovering a meaningful and full life that I can enjoy!
http://www.sanfrancisco.va.gov/...
WORDS OF THE DAY
Anxious, Determined, Hopeful, Disbelieving
MILITARY IS NOTHING BUT A SOCIAL WELFARE PROGRAM.
Today on the bus, a young man gave up his seat to me, as I was having a hard time balancing in the bus with a bag. On standing he asked “What happened to you?” I just replied, Military Service Connected injures.” He replied matter of factly, “My father says the military is noting but a social welfare program”, to which I replied, “This probably would not have happened to me if I were here standing in line to get a General Assistance check, instead of around the world fighting for principles and beliefs that don’t even exist here!”
I plan on using this Blog to also expose and share the ignorance that I am forced to face everyday!
The true cost of war is to be measured in the suffering of the people that participate in it, and are not lucky enough to die, for their suffering is over!
6:57 PM PT: Just got off the phone wit my Recovery Advocate who was explaining to me that on January 1 all the classes would be changing, they seem to operate on a Quarter basis at the PRRC. So I guess I will have 2 weeks to "try things out" before I decide on the classes that I will be taking this "quarter". Sad thing is that there were some on the class roster that I was looking forward to participating in! Hope the classes for next quarter are as compelling!
Thu Dec 15, 2011 at 9:51 AM PT: WOW What a wonderful welcome. I can not believe that IWould be included in the commuity spotlight, what and honor and responsibility, and all I have to offer is me, and my story as it unfolds. In a funny sort of way, I feel like I have come home, and am among frie d, THANK YOU ALL for the warm welcome!