So, uhm. Yeah.
I've been wanting to write this diary for quite sometime now. At first, I wasn't sure if I should at all, but that inner voice that said "WRITE! WRITE! TELL! TELL!" basically became stronger and stronger until I couldn't ignore the motherfucking idea any longer. I figure the words will flow as they're supposed to.
A few of you may have noticed that I have been going through some ... changes recently. Not, like, ya know, I'm gonna morph into a wildebeest or a duck or some alien thing or Jacob or Edward anytime soon, but good changes. Positive ones. Turning my life around and other hippie crap.
Right. Like that.
And given my propensity for saying really idiotic shit in the past on Dkos, that's about all I feel comfortable sharing right now. See, I had orange feet that one time and, while that still cracks me right the fuck up, I don't think it's anything I want to duplicate in the future.
Growth, right?! SCORE!
I'm not really here a lot anymore. I don't spend a lot of time on Daily Kos for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that I simply don't have the time or energy to devote to politics presently. I have two jobs, I have other commitments, and I finally decided that I wanted to stop living online and actually show up in the real world.
Quite honestly, I didn't do much of that showing up in the real world thing for so fucking long that I literally forgot. how. Imagine that! So the past 6 months have been a real eye-opener for me - relearning crap I thought I'd mastered when I was, like, 4. It's a lot more humbling and embarrassing when you're 42, believe you me. The only way to do it is to crush your ego so completely and thoroughly that it becomes sticky goo, like abused gum on the bottom of your shoe.
I don't know who I really am right now. It kind of sucks, having to go back to the beginning and start again; I feel like a goddamned baby more than half the time. But I do know that I'm not prone to rants anymore. I also know that I don't react the same way to shit that used to burn my butt something fierce. And, most importantly, I'm just not the raging bitch you all used to know and love/hate.
Because I'm just not all that angry anymore. Seriously. Truly.
...
It's OK. I'll wait a minute or two for the laughter to die down.
/taps feet. Stares. Whistles.
You ready now? Cool.
Of course, this does not mean that I'm not intristically the same person, because I am. And if you think I owe you some sort of apology or whatever, now that I've "seen the light", you might be waiting a super long time. Like forever.
Then again, you might not.
The big point that I'm driving at here is that I'm becoming a Kindler and Gentler Shiz. A New and Improved™ Shiz. A Better Shiz. A Shiz who maybe won't be as funny, but who also won't be so cutthroat. A Shiz who maybe might be able to see things she couldn't see before. A Shiz who may not even take herself so seriously all the effing time.
I've been making these gargantuan gratitude lists lately. Long ass motherfuckers that I could publish in book form, baby! My hands sometimes hurt at night from writing these Magnum Opuses. (Opus'? Opui?!) So as a thank you to this wonderful community, even though I've pissed so many of you off in the past that you may not read it, I'd like to make a Daily Kos Gratitude List.
DAILY KOS GRATITUDE LIST!
December 21, 2011
by Shiz
1. Hatemail-a-palooza. Socialist fuckstick! Mousetits! Fluffy! The Lord Rebuke You! I was born and raised!
2. Anything Dallasdoc writes. Ever. I mean it.
3. We have some scary ass excellent writers here. Some of the best on the intertoobs, for sure. I can name at least 25 50 Kossacks who I think should be paid and get major bucks.
4. Scott Wooledge just got promoted to the FrontPage! Yay!
5. Speaking of the FrontPage, some of said FPers are amazingly eloquent and awesome. Kaili Joy, Joan, MB, Hunter, Laurence, Mark ... here's looking at you, kids!
6. I weep with joy at how we handle trolls 'round here. I mean, c'mon! Recipes? How delicious is that?!
7. The plethora of in-depth analysis found here makes my brain hurt. Jesus Christ, people, do you have to be so goddamned smart all the time? ;P
8. The sense of community, even through all the vicious pie fights, is really something. It kinda freaks me out sometimes, but in a good way. The caring is absolutely genuine.
9. DK4. I effing love that squiggle! I do! I swear to God and everything. Remember how we were all scared that the damn thing would break and we'd never get to use Dkos again? Heh.
10. The true friends I've made here. Some of the best people in existence, man.
11. Activism and awareness spurned by diaries.
12. The fucking honey badger! I heard about that badass here. :)
13. MinistryOfTruth.
14. Occupy Wall Street.
15. I don't have to dumb myself down to be understood here. I can actually be the proud nerd that I am. Geeks unite!
16. Nobody judges me when I say that Republicans suck shit.
17. Music and fun diaries, that have nothing to do with the price of eggs.
18. Getting a tip or a rec by someone I seriously admire. That's the shiznit, right there.
19. It's open 24/7!
20. Some excellent person gave me a lifetime subscription! YOU ROCK!
Thanks for being YOU, Daily Kos! Warts and all, I'll love you forever and a day. Thanks for being such an outstanding community, and thanks for all you've taught me!
MMWAH!