How come we live in a world where lemonade is made from artificial flavors & furniture polish is made from real lemons?
I am so out of it when it comes to pop culture. Is Justin Bieber still playing Hannah Montana?
Another night at a bar. Another bar that doesn't have monkey waiters. Greatest country in the world my ass.
The great thing about being on a juice fast is you spend the whole day cleaning the juicer and don't have time to think about being hungry.
If someone's "an expert at predicting the unpredictable", how do we know they're right?
Don't you hate when you open your 3-way popcorn tin and some of the caramel popcorn gets in the cheese popcorn and everyone must die?
Whenever a joke doesn't get a laugh, I just remind myself that Van Gogh died unknown and unappreciated. Then I cut off my ear.