If there is a poster-child[adult] for a modern American Right-Wingnut, [IMHO] Rex would definitely be one of their finalists. He is unapologetic in every way for being an admitted Tea-Party/Right-wing Republican in what he once described as being conservative, until I crushed his contorted infused definition of conservatism, a term he now doesn't use anymore. And there in-lies the secret of dealing with him. I hold him accountable, deconstructing his compartmentalization, and more importantly his conflations, false arguments, framing, strawman or circular arguments and especially his xenophobic expressions of outrageous hyperbole's. I do it unemotionally and with the idea of winning something from him. Not an emotional or ethical shameful expense, more often a bet for another box of wine or 12-pack of beer, (though now something other than alcohol related) but something that he holds of value from our college days that predated this strained relationship, or the threat of losing another bet. If he reneges, which has happened, I merely strategically bring up the debt whenever we are socially together and he slips up expressing some political idea or thought out of the social context in front of others. It is then I simply inquire if he was planning on paying up. That often invites why Rex owes me something again to our less than political minded friends who seem to get a chuckle out of it.
First, a little introduction or background. Rex was a college friend and once a roommate out of convenience or at least necessity when we both attended Indiana University. Besides both being half heartened fraternity brothers, where I joined because the frat house had an available room that was across the street from the university's golf course as I was living in a dorm lounge while competing to be a walk on. Rex joined the following semester the old fashioned way; he rushed being attracted by the available social distractions (keggers and fraternity sisters).
Our common thread was that we both originally hailed from the northern suburbs of Chicago, he from the uber affluent Wilmette IL, me from the industrial working class city of Waukegan IL, a novelty in the house as most came from Indianapolis suburbs or parts rural Indiana. Besides our mutual affection for the Cubs, Bears and IU basketball we had little else in common. When we actually lived together off campus he first demonstrated an obsessive-like, selfishness as in refusing to clean any of the common areas, including dishes where be maintained he only used plastic utensils and paper plates. Somehow he neglected the pots and pans, or counter tops and whatever. This was his early compartmentalization and double standards while also demonstrating more than the usual narcissistic personal lifestyle devoid of any responsibility than normal for 20 year olds on their own. This was especially true for companions female or males where he seemed to be always trying to take advantage of them.
By the Rex is not his actual name as I have changed his name to protect his personal identity, though he has at times not reciprocated. That all said I developed a relationship where I could scold him for social or personal transgressions and that he seemed to listen and even make an adjustments to his developing social pathology, at least that was my recollections. Fast forward to the early '90's. Rex was now back living in Denver having bounced around the country, Colorado, then California, Illinois, and Michigan, trying out various professions and also serial relationships with women. Back in CO he seemed to find a profession, mortgage lending.
Soon after the election of Bill Clinton (1992) when both of us started to come online to the Internet our conversations also became political, OR at least his. He made all sorts of personal accusations and characterizations which initially surprised me. He would then say this is all in jest or fun, but it was never fun for me. On one hand he could be quite friendly discussing our mutual interests like the then nationally ranked IU basketball team (hey we're back again!) but then it quickly and without warning broke into a vitriolic attack against anything liberal or a perceived enemy of the conservative revolution, especially Bill Clinton. Rex knew I was a liberal and educated in political science and economics's. He was strangely a public affairs major though I found out recently he never graduated, something he kept hidden. However back then be it email or on the phone the conversations reduced themselves to simply yelling and personal attacks.
My wife was confused as to why I maintained an angry relationship with an old abstract acquaintance that offered nothing to my business or family. I said it was hard to let someone go when you saved their life (literally). At IU he was one of those victims of Legionnaire Disease where I found him one day when we were still roommates in a cold shower, delirious and a body temperature exceeding 106 degrees. Later the doc's said if he was not brought to the hospital he would have been a statistic. Ironically he thanked me, but not his parents.
More below the squiggles.
First why? I confess that often I gave up and attempted to compartmentalize our relationship to merely a vestige of our collegiate past. But by 1998 when Clinton was being politically branded and scoured, [though the right-wing's overplay actually politically made Clinton stronger, an interesting political concept, the overplay, BLOWBACK or backfire which is something little understood, the dynamics of politics~the right-wing does not know or perceive of boundaries and therefore like the recent tax issue overplays]. I needed to understand where all this was coming from and since my friend was a available first person subject I stayed engaged. There were a few times that he would gleefully exclaim that we should be hosts of "talk radio program" which I replied how about a political science psychological personality study? His reply was that I was goofy, that all intellectual, scientific studies were goofy. But it was there that he revealed himself almost fifteen years ago---talk radio.
What I found was that Rex never actually expressed his own opinions or self-generated thoughts, he took all his cues from an authority---esp talk radio. So as he would send me emails I began to clinically record them on a spreadsheet, and then once a week or so listen to Rush Limbaugh on a business trip. Often I was aghast at the horrific and repeated attacks Rush expressed on the radio. But as I began to deconstruct the logic and falsehoods I could respond in kind to Rex's directed xenophobia. What it essentially did was blunt one subject where he immediately transferred to something else, he was never satisfied. Eventually it became obvious that I represented Rex's psychological enemy, if he could conquer me, his side would win---win what I was unsure.
Ironically, he always was a paper lion, never donating any money to any candidate, party or cause, nor volunteering for any said activism---except going to a few Tea Party rallies in 2010, that because another friend brought him. He was then one of the multitudes of shut-in, closeted Wing-Nuts you run into when canvassing. One illustrative anecdote how I deconstructed and then carved up his conflated logic was when he attempted to define "conservatism" as what actually defined "liberalism".
This interchange became a defining moment for me and took place in the summer of 2006 and it still exists today as example how he (and I believe many in the Right-winger's) have redefined their world into something that we describe as Orwellian. Rex one day attempted to define conservatism in a glorified manner while defining liberalism as totalitarian. I objected and had him agree to a singular authority that he would agree was indisputable. I went to my unabridged Merriam-Webster Dictionary (Tenth Edition, 1993). He tried to say his won Merriam-Webster paperback abridged version was sufficient but I got him to agree that only the unabridged edition would do.
Then I read the definitions over the phone, to which he immediately went into a tirade exclaiming to me that I was a liar and cheat, where he then hung up. I called back but only got VM. Looking back his cognitive dissonance was simply too great for him to engage at the moment. Where upon in the middle of the night my cell phone rang and on the voice mail was a drunken Rex continued bluster I was a liar and he read his own version from his paperback version, even going as far as changing and omitting some words. I kept the recording to show he had changed the words, but he waved that off as simply having fun---his usual, tired excuse. Upon returning to bed my wife inquired if there was something wrong, "No", I replied, "it was merely Rex, and then I laughed, "I finally got him....and now I am going draw and quarter him without mercy." This was probably three in the morning where my turned over and said "we were both certifiably insane." [probably]
Anyway I copied and then faxed my dictionary, included the cover page and copyright along with Library of Congress citing, just for spite. But also mailed off the copy via snail mail. I think it is important to illustrate precisely his conflation. Merriam-Webster:
liberalism 'li-b(Ə-)rƏ-,li-zƏm\ n (1819) 1 : the quality or state of being liberal 2 a often cap : a movement in modern Protestantism emphasizing intellectual and the spiritual and ethical context of Christianity b : a theory in economics emphasizing individual freedom from restraint and usu. based on free competition, the self regulating market and the gold standard c : a political system based on the belief in progress, the essential goodness in the human race, the autonomy of the individual and standing for the protection of political and civil liberties d : cap the principles and policies of the Liberal Party - liberalist \ -b(Ə-)rƏ-list\ n or adj - liberalistic ,li-b(Ə-)rƏ'listik<em> adj
Naturally what threw him for a cognitive loop was; a theory in economics emphasizing individual freedom from restraint and usu. based on free competition, the self regulating market and the gold standard followed by; a political system based on the belief in progress, the essential goodness in the human race, the autonomy of the individual and standing for the protection of political and civil liberties.
We didn't actually exchange emails or talk for for over a week, especially after I faxed and the corresponding definition of conservatism:
conservatism ,kän(t)-sƏr-'vƏ-ti-zƏm\ n(1835) 1 : cap a the principles and policies of a Conservative Party b : the Conservative Party 2 a deposition in politics to preserve what is established b : a political philosophy based on tradition and social stability , stressing established institutions, and preferring gradual development to abrupt change 3 a tendency to prefer an existing or traditional situation to change.
When Rex did email me all he did was go through past emails he kept and said I was a liar, never admitting that what was written in the dictionary was substantiated or authentic. Finally as fate would have it I was in Denver for my final follow up (at the time as now I am living in Colorado Springs, CO), with National Jewish and thought it apropos to stop by his place with the dictionary in hand and also demand payment of another bet! Like I said I now knew he had to be made accountable.
When he answered the door he was quite surprised and happy to see me. We talked pleasantries and health issues which then had been disabled me with what was a mysterious disease that National Jewish finally diagnosed. Then he called me a liar and never wanted to talk politics with me again. Looking over to his home office I found the envelope I mailed the copies but no copies so out of my satchel I pulled the dictionary. He got angrier to which I smiled and implored that we have been friends since college and had exchanged heated political arguments for over a decade, how can I be a liar and you don't want to talk anymore if the dictionary says I am not. He replied:
"Because I believe, truly believe and you don't"
I then listened to his rant, much like a teenager going off about something that their conceived reality had just been broken but they still wanted their illusion to be reality. Since I had two teenagers at home at the time and both coming to terms that our own economic world and the American illusion that was now unfair and extolling a heavy price on us due to my second medical disability I knew how to handle this. Let them rant for a while and then begin deconstructing their illusions from the outside in.
His rant finally revealed his deep conflict. He actually believed that conservatism was about free competition, a self-regulating market, the essential goodness of Americans, [remember that], and most of all the autonomy of the individual and protection of civil rights! How because all those on the radio, TV and the books told him so!
He looked and described liberalism as a form of totalitarianism and the American form of some combination of communism [though inserting the word socialism interchangeably] and fascism. [This was 2006!] I opened my dictionary and had him read aloud the definitions of totalitarianism, communism, socialism and fascism. He actually had never done this before, (reading the definitions of words he had so often exclaimed) in self-righteousness authority. He then threw my book on the counter with a bang and declared this is over. "Would I like a beer?" Which I smugly replied, "actually a glass of wine, red, Shiraz from a box of Franzia, do you have any, you know it is my favorite box wine?"
He declared that he was not paying the bet, that he does not agree that Merriam-Webster is the modern definition of liberalism. So I said good bye, that his emails were cut off and that if phoned that my wife would chop his head off because he called me in the middle of the night and that he was no longer accepted in her home, until he personally came down and delivered a box of wine and apologized to her. That she knew you would not a person to admit any wrong. The better so I could concentrate on rebuilding my fallen career.
Later that week Rex called my wife apologizing (though actually seeking me), I was actually at a local doctor's office. She then scolded him saying why he ever thought he could argue successfully with me, she had learned that over 20 years and that did he know I had a spreadsheet categorizing his emails and arguments and further, never ever call our home after 9:00 PM---ever! He then revealed himself to her, saying, "he just could never lose to a liberal, he couldn't be wrong he was from Wilmette, and that the elections (2006) will prove him right", all in a self-righteous declaration. My wife's response was, "Rex, you are truly nuts".
Fortunately it is better off to leave cell phones in the car at doctor's offices so I didn't get Rex's repeated calls. Upon returning home I naturally called home where my wife informed me of Rex's call and what she said was a strange conversation, further inquiring whether he was stable and whether I should continue to engage with such a certifiable maniac. I laughed it off but thanked her for the information.
I then called my old friend and simply stated that I was going to be in Denver the following week and that I expected him to fulfill his obligation to pay off the bet and admit that his definition of liberalism was incorrect. He then said that he had different definitions, one he read from some excerpt of PJ O'Rourke, but I would have none of it, saying we agreed upon Merriam Webster and anyone, including he could redefine the word but that matters not, it has to be accepted by a consensus that Webster is the ultimate arbiter.
The bet was never really paid as in Rex asked for a double or nothing bet over the 2006 Congressional elections which of course to his surprise the Democrats swept. Supposedly the bet was then paid at my 50th birthday party where Rex came with a 12-pack (that he contributed to the cooler and beer my wife despised) and a box of wine that also was opened at the party. In response I took a sharpie and wrote on each bottle, D-233, R-202 and on the box of wine, "definition of liberalism".
Since that party however things kind went from being alright or getting better to much worse. I was back working (an executive recruiter) having come back to health in late 2006. 2007's market was like a roller coaster. Rex's business, the mortgage lending brokerage which had peaked in 2004 was also all over the place. I called him as 2007 and told him I am getting a lot of resumes of senior mortgage professionals looking to find a safe harbor employment. Then I lost three retainers in a row in September and October. I knew something was not right. Talking with two senior executives in the investment banking they both told me that the fundamentals were all screwed up and that big shit was going to hit the fan in 2008. Well the firm I was working with also starting cutting and in November 2007 since I lost three retainers I was one of them.
This is where I learned much about Rex. His drinking and drug abuse also spiked as his business tanked. In January 2008 he fell in his condo and broke his shoulder---except he didn't have any health insurance. In fact he never covered himself as a self-employed broker for Countrywide. His drinking had also had thrown him into Type 2 Diabetic so he was a mess and it only getting worse. For three months he simply cocooned in his condo, deep in pain he drank to relieve the pain. Finally I with another friend found the means to contact his mother (a trust millionaire widow) and his brothers that he needed to get treatment. By underwriting some, getting a doctor to perform surgery at the U of CO hospital as an out patient only, and the County of Arapahoe and State of CO underwriting the rest Rex got surgery to fix his broken collarbone. No after surgery care. But he also got put on the public Medicaid for treatment of his diabetes. SOCIALISM!
His drinking got worse as 2008 continued to unfold, especially as the economy imploded and so his politics and Obama. His business gone he wallowed in anger and self pity. That led to his embracing the Tea Party in 2009 and a return to his xenophobia where it became obsessive and unrelenting starting with Obama's birth certificate and then socialized medicine---even though he was on Medicaid. food stamps, prescription aid, and understood what it was like going without health insurance. None of us really took him seriously anymore though, he was always drunk. He blamed everyone for his loss of business everyone except himself. His drinking finally hit bottom in 2010 when forced into bankruptcy and foreclosure he had no where to turn. Again I was instrumental in getting his family who had abandoned him because of his alcoholism to make one last effort to get him in substance abuse treatment. We finally had him admitted into a rehab and treatment center 2 days before the Sheriff enforced his eviction brought on by his former employer, Countrywide's new owner BofA.
He went to a 6-month treatment program that included a couple of sessions with family and close friends. We discussed how things would have to be different when he completed the program and how often people relapsed. We discussed his cue's and they recognized his political beliefs as triggers. The psychologist was quite matter of fact saying that Rex fit a lot of authoritarian personalities and that he discussed how when I engaged and prosecuted him it could trigger a response that is not in his best interest. I agreed that was over. That Rex over time had reduced his world to ever smaller circles that he could delusional control, and that when he listened to talk radio it was a form of emotional comfort. They told him what was good and bad. Of course he was in a faith-based facility and I could see the substitution of authority being religion and not talk radio.
The question has Rex changed that much? He still baits me, but I find it only when something doesn't go his way, like a favorite sports team losing. The important thing is his treatment did have him recognize that his triggers were often talk radio so he is not supposed to listen or watch it on television. There in lies a crux where is his infused authority figures? Fear is still prevalent as to where society is headed. But I think he was broken of much of his self-righteousness, which I look back and believe fed both his alcoholism and his xenophobic politics. It is his critical thinking that was always a question for me, going back to college. He never could explain why he majored in Public Affairs if he hated government so much. Furthermore his first and second thoughts were narcissistic in nature instead of figuring out what is morally ethical or right and if the situation was manipulative. I used to say to him whether as a Countrywide broker he had the ability to broker for other banks and he said no. He had contract exclusive to Countrywide, where I said he was actually a glorified employee without the benefits---he never got it thinking that because he worked when he wanted and had a home office with a business card he was an independent businessman. Also when I questioned the sub prime business and his clientele being poor or having severe credit problems he told me he was in it for the fees, if they can't take care themselves why should he take care of them? He never saw this as inherent or the multiple of why the market ballooned or then crashed---still doesn't or won't admit it.
My wife thinks he lost a lot intellectual capacity in what we now know was almost a decade of alcohol and drug abuse. That he still thinks too compartmental, not understanding how things are connected, even relationships. She says now you have been part of saving his life twice, and he still doesn't understand that he has a debt to you, a gratitude but gives none. On one hand he calls you his friend, but then on another he wants you to do something for him and accept him and his politics without accepting you. Of course I now know that compartmentalization and double standards go hand-in-hand, in part because it is something allows Rex to be unaccountable---Rex and most Right-Wingnuts.
Which in the end this is what I learned. This is an intellectual and cultural war. There is no appeasement that will satisfy their thinking. Remember what Rex said after the definition bet;
"he just could never lose to a liberal, he couldn't be wrong, that the elections (2006) will prove him right"
That statement to my wife stayed with me. It is the same bullshit that Canter said the other day on 60 Minutes about compromise, that he couldn't surrender his principles though. War is war and the only objective when engaged in a war is to win; win by submission, surrender or annihilation if necessary, but win regardless.
My friend is a victim. One where the forces that seek to dominate our society, the world for that matter, have used a long running sophisticated propaganda and psychological warfare effort to manipulate those who are susceptible to their messages. I recall Altemeyer writing about that many authoritarians don't know why they actually believe in what they express or find contradiction in many of their expressions. But they do believe in some authority who has this slogan, even contradictory one, where they are willing go on marching to that music, so to speak.
Rex went through this year saying he was originally backing Sarah, then it was Backmann, then it was Cain, when he fell it was Newt of course, now it is Santorum. What he actually says regardless of who the Republican nominee he is going to vote for them---regardless. Rex was and remains one of those lost minds. It is what we are up against in these times, about one-quarter of the population is deeply partisan right-wing. The other who make up what is about one-third of the partisan voting population (Republican) do so because I think they critically think that it is in their best interest, but the vast majority of those who compose the Right-Wing and vote against their interest, be they whatever subgroup are subjugated by authoritarianism propaganda.
Here is another anecdotal example from a neighbor here in Colorado Springs. He is a typical Colorado Springs Right winger, though he knows me as the [damn] Democratic Precinct Chair in our progressive (Democratic) voting district, which he loves except for the voters. His son 25 years old, lost his job earlier last year and had to move back home. When I was talking with him about his 'Holiday' decorations walking the dog one day, he thanked me for letting him know that he could cover his son on his own employee health insurance, (which actually is governmental in that he works for a school district). I told him we too are grateful in that even though our 23-year old daughter was a full-time college student she would have been without insurance and she was a Type 1 Diabetic. We would have been screwed in that she would have had to drop out and find a job with health insurance.
He then cut in and also complimented me on our daughter, who also is an intern staffer for, let me quote, "the DEMMOCRRATIC Senator" who helped him some time ago with his wife's Social Security disability issue. I told him I wouldn't know about that in that those matters that are confidential and she doesn't talk about them. He said that he recognized her last name when on the phone, adding that when he called 'his' Republican Congressman they got no where so he turned to the Senator. I smiled and said that the particular Senator (Bennet) wants to be known as the best constituency Senator for Republicans, Democrats or Independents in the country.
We continued to exchange pleasantries about having adult children living at home, though I mentioned ours are full time college students. He then said that his son could not cover the COBRA payments but then he went on to say; "It was a good thing in that he had it as he had an appendicitis attack and had to have emergency surgery." He then said that his boy was now willing to go back to college but of course there are those expenses. I told him that he might be eligible for Pell Grants and should look into it. He then asked what are them and thanked me for the information. I then said, "No thank Obama and the Democrats", where he replied with a snark and look of disrespect, "that will be the day!"
The moral of these stories is that no matter how a progressive policy benefits are for a Right-Winger they can never admit it, it means they lose, that they were wrong---psychologically. My friend actually laughed at receiving Medicaid or State healthcare aide, Food Stamps and other social services. Heck the state and the charity picked up the balance of his alcoholism treatment and it still didn't make a political or psychological imprint at all.
Thus if it is a contest, a political war, than we should all know it. I say politically do this ethically, do it lawfully, but bury them. It is either the Republic or being a subject of the Empire. When I showed my friend up on simple definitions he refused to admit is failings. I can now see that doing so completely unraveled a conflated psychological delusion where it not only embarrassed him. He doesn't describe himself as a conservative anymore, he will Tea Partier or Patriot or even Republican but not conservative. It made him understand that conservatism was not about individual freedom. One of our other friends, a mutual non-political sort but quite critically thinking said in his company.
"If conservatism is defined as stressing established institutions, and preferring gradual development to abrupt change than how can there be a conservative Reagan Revolution? His policies were all about abrupt change were they not? How could Bush who was a conservative seek to privatize Social Security, wasn't that radical change?"
Up is down, right is left, all is Orwellian of course.