From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Handy work
Two years ago this week, professional grifter Sarah Palin got caught reading crib notes off her hand during a tea party Q&A in Nashville. In the interest of…I dunno, world peace or something…here are some other hand notes of the past and present:
Mitt Romney
No! Yes! No!
Yes! No! Yes!
No! Yes! No?
Newt Gingrich
Debtors' prisons on the moon!
Make children scrub toilets!
Abolish Social Security!
I am a serious candidate
Lincoln
4score + 7 yrs ago = Baby USA
Civil War still goin' on, but...
Perish? Us? No effin' way!
John Boehner
Greet Rep. Cantor
Make small talk, smile, move on
Have aide check for knife in back
Rick Santorum
MO Win! MN Win! CO Win!
Don't gloat
OK maybe a little
FDR
Fear nothing!
Exception: fear itself
My belief pretty firm on that
Ronald Reagan
Read what's on the teleprompter
(The glass thingee)
What a wonderful, indispensable device!
My own hand note is still the same as always: name, address, phone number. In case I get separated from the babysitter.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Note: The Department of Corrections called. Apparently somebody misused a comma yesterday and they're very upset. Please try to be more, careful.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the first MLB Spring Training game (Seattle v. Oakland): 23
Days 'til the Savannah Book Festival: 7
Percent increase in U.S. wind power capacity during each of the last five years: 33%
Percent of that growth that comes from offshore wind farms: 0%
(Source: USA Today)
Amount that Sen. Olympia Snowe's (R-ME) main primary rival, Scott D'Amboise, has raised so far: $473,465
Amount he has already spent: $350,000
(Source: Federal Election Commission via The Portland Press Herald)
Rank of Hydrocodone among most prescribed medications in the U.S.: #1
(Source: Harper's Index)
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 179 (including 4 volcanoes and 1 fashion crime). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Scandal!!!
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CHEERS to a Big Gay Day in America! To get everyone up to speed on how the effort to secure gay marriage rights in California is going, picture it in your mind as a street with a bunch of intersections. Going back to June 18, 2008 the journey has gone like this: State Supreme Court says GO! Voters say STOP! Federal judge says GO! Appeals process says STOP! Federal Appeals Court says GO!
“Proposition 8 operates with no apparent purpose but to impose on gays and lesbians, through the public law, a majority’s private disapproval of them and their relationships, by taking away from them the official designation of ‘marriage,’ with its officially recognized status. Proposition 8 therefore violates the Equal Protection Clause,” the Ninth Circuit concluded.
Unfortunately, the appeals process of the appeals court decision says STOP! So our glorious victory finds us at…yet
another red light. But:
“There are days in our nation’s history when genuine progress toward our constitutional goal of forming a more perfect union is realized. Without question, today is one of those days,” said Plaintiffs’ lead co-counsel David Boies. “Once again the federal courts have determined that singling out gays and lesbians for unequal treatment serves no legitimate state interest. With today’s decision, we take an enormous step toward eliminating the last vestige of discrimination against gay and lesbian Americans.”
Now the judicial appeal-of-the-appeal process will zoom along at the speed of a roadrunner on Red Bull riding a streak of lightning, resulting in a decision sometime…next year. Smoke 'em if ya got 'em.
CHEERS to Santorumentum!!! Last night the Google-worthiest of the Republican candidates had the Lord on his side, taking Missouri, Minnesota and Colorado in a blowout over Mitt Romney, who's probably ground his molars down to the nub by now. Forget that they're not worth much in delegates (Missouri was the proverbial "beauty contest"). This, again, shows that Romney is no steamroller---more like a jalopy with Cayman Island license plates and a dog strapped to the roof. Up next: Maine's week-long caucus wraps up this weekend. Then, after another debate on the 22nd, Arizona and Michigan get their turn on the 28th to close out the month. I'm glad they're spacing things out---too much excitement aggravates my lumbago.
P.S. This is just pathetic (via Twitter): "How bad was Romney's night? His press bus took out a traffic sign in the parking lot. Filling out police report now." Apologies to Kossack Thinking Fella, but I'm gonna steal your line: it's a great day to be alive.
JEERS to paying-for-playing. On February 8, 1960, Congress opened hearings on payola, a scheme in which disc jockeys (Dick Clark among them) accepted payment for playing and hyping certain records. Payola was outlawed, and it became punishable by a maximum $10,000 fine. Meanwhile members of Congress accept payment every day for playing favorites with and hyping corporate interests over the public interest, an offense punishable by a fat paycheck, a full pension, gold-plated healthcare benefits, and guaranteed employment in the lobbying sector if they get booted from office. My point is: shame on the record industry---that was just wrong!
CHEERS to channeling dear old dad. If she keeps up her top-notch work at MSNBC, Rachel Maddow is going to eventually nab every prize there is. Her latest win: the John Steinbeck Award---the first person under 40 to get it. Talk about high praise, here's what Steinbeck's son said:
“My father would have adored Rachel Maddow … Listening to Rachel Maddow is like listening to Walter Cronkite. We have that kind of trust in her. When I watch Rachel Maddow, I feel like I’m part of an alliance. I hope she’s in it for the long haul, because we really need her.”
We'll file that under "No shit, Sherlock." Congrats, Rachel.
CHEERS to Republicans who drive Republicans NUTS! Here's the thing about that Clint Eastwood commercial for Chrysler that aired during the Super Bowl and created the most buzz since the famous Apple "1984" ad: Eastwood isn't a Democrat, let alone a liberal. But to the modern-day GOP base, he might as well be. Because, you see, he made a commercial that promoted something really good that happened during our Great Recession. And if you're not spouting gloom and doom and venom, well, you're a goddam hippie. I swear, the sourness of the opposition party these days would make Reagan do a facepalm. But anyway: what I want to see this summer is a sequel in which he squints at the camera and says, "It's the seventh inning in America. Everybody do the wave! Wheeeeee!!!!" It'd cause a surge in another industry: Republican fainting couches.
CHEERS to 102 years of helping old ladies across the street, but JEERS to the hypocrites in charge. The Boy Scouts of America was incorporated on this date in 1910. I always like to use the occasion to remind the national leadership---a virtual wholly-owned subsidiary of the Mormon Church and fundamentalist Christians these days---that my partner and I are gay gay gay gay gay Eagle Scouts and we're gay gay gay gay gay. Even more delicious: our Eagle certificates are both signed by Saint Ronald Reagan. So today we won't need to start a fire by rubbing two sticks together---we'll just wait for the bigots to self-combust.
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Five years ago in C&J: February 8, 2007
JEERS to verbal whiplash. John McCain on ABC's This Week last Sunday: "[It] took us a long time to get in the situation we’re in, and to...somehow assume that in a few months that things are going to get all better I think is not realistic." McCain 47 seconds later: "I think in the case of the Iraqi government cooperating and doing what’s necessary, we can know fairly well in a few months." Sometimes the punchlines write themselves.
AWWW... to those poor widdle politicians. Some of our elected representatives in D.C. think working a five-day week might give them calluses. But before you cry any crocodile tears, consider the meager workhouse wages they get for slingin' legislative hash all the livelong day...
• $165,200 per year with an annual cost-of-living-adjustment.
• Retirement and health benefits under the same plans available to other federal employees. [In fairness, they only have 284 plans to choose from, including dental and vision insurance.]
• A pension which, in 2003, averaged $3,909 a month."
Please take some time out of your busy day to write a sympathy card for our beleaguered leaders this morning. And then shred it.
[2/8/12 Update: Now they get $174,000 per year. Sorry, America: no refunds.]
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And just one more…
CHEERS to Maestro el Magnifico. Happy birthday to 21-time Grammy winner, 5-time Academy Award winner (and, thanks to nods for War Horse and The Adventures of Tintin, now the most-nominated composer in Oscar history), and rock-ribbed Democrat John Williams, who turns 80 today. Over a span of forty-plus years he's given us:
>> The iconic theme for NBC Nightly News
>> Two Jaws scores
>> Six Star Wars scores
>> Four Indiana Jones scores
>> Three Harry Potter scores.
>> Five themes for the Olympic Games
>> 12 years as Boston Pops conductor
>> 20 episodes of Gilligan's Island
He's also composed a lot of music for American presidents: John F. Kennedy (
JFK), John Quincy Adams and Martin Van Buren (
Amistad), Tricky Dick (
Nixon), Obama (for his
inauguration) and, later this year, Steven Spielberg's
Lincoln. And who knew that Darth Vader's theme (
Empire Strikes Back was the first movie soundtrack I bought) would one day be warbled by dogs in a Volkswagen TV and become
an instant classic? Williams himself is an American classic, and I've been his biggest fan for 32 freakin' years. So happy birthday,
Maestro...and many blessings on your cowbell.
Have a nice Wednesday. Occupy foreclosed dollhouse! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"From what I've seen of Bill in Portland Maine, I really like him and he speaks for what I believe in. I think he's genuine, genuinely leftwing."
---Daniel Radcliffe
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