Seems there's been a real hissy fit from the estrogen lobby lately over breast cancer and Planned Parenthood and contraception.
Now, as much as it amuses us men to see you put your mind to issues larger than what to fix for dinner, you all don't need to be worrying your pretty little heads over such matters.
You see ladies, your womb isn't yours. It's ours. We're in control of the government and the media and the churches and well, the truth is that thing between your legs just scares the crap out of us men. Oh, we love it sure. That's one of the main reasons we fear it. You all have got just so much power over all of us because of your mystical and magical vee-jay-jay.
So, of course, the best course of action when you encounter something you fear is to take ownership of it. So that's what we've done.
We've got some powerful allies. There's this old celibate guy in Rome who heads up a huge organization that, even though it's spent decades systemically shielding sexual predators, has huge moral authority in our country. And really, who better to decide what women can and can't do with their wicked whatchamacallits than a man who's most likely never even seen one?
All of you, our wives, our mothers, our sisters, all of you.....you shouldn't be seeking sexual pleasure anyway. We've already got women for that. We call them "mistresses." Well, we call them other things too.....whores, sluts, what have you? But don't get us wrong...they serve a purpose. Rather, they serve our purpose.
But you? You're baby machines. Now, that don't mean we don't love you. We love our machines! Our cars, our guns, our flat panel TVs....and our baby machines. You should be proud to hold such a position of esteem among our society. Because men take care of their machines. Or, they trade them in for a newer model, but same difference.
And you also should be relieved. Relieved that you're not burdened by the heavy responsibility of caring for your own reproductive organs. That's our burden, and it's one we're willing to accept because, well frankly, we know what's best.
So you all just run along now. Your noses are a little shiny.....time to hit the powder room.