Preface: I want to give this young man from Houston publicity for one reason alone. He calls Ron Paul a "hippie."
Actually, for two reasons. The "hippie" thing, and because I was fired from this particular large citizen journalism effort (among other reasons) for writing in the first person. I am not re-litigating that issue. In fact, the person who fired me is reconsidering his decision and I don't want to say anything against him or the organization writ-large. True, it's owned by a conservative and most of its writers are conservatives who are slowly being weeded out for their horrible writing by the very Google this one seeks to influence. (Subject: "PANDA"). The way I see it, if I can earn some extra kerblingy writing my liberal satire for a largely conservative publication, more's the better. So let's not say anything bad about the particular editor or this publication. Besides, the editor who fired me handles the Northeast and Mid-Atlantic region and this feller is from Deepinahearta Texas.
OK, actually, three reasons. I would love it if you all would respond in a gentle, kind and humorous way to this individual on his site. Let's ring up his numbers, give him a few bucks, let him know that we at Daily Kos are tolerant of his viewpoint.
Well, for realsies? Four reasons. When I copied what he wrote, I used the actual "Google Bomb" URL... not the one he wants us to.
Brett Stevens is the Houston Conservative Examiner for Examiner.com. They have lots of conservative Examiners at Examiner.com. They even have a few Liberal Examiners there. I know, because I was one and hope to be one again soon. I am mending fences with the editor who fired me and I can use the extra scratch to help pay for my wife's cancer treatments.
But when the opportunity for satire presents itself, well... I just can't resist.
Let's examine Mr. Stevens' latest offering for The Examiner -- an online publication he writes for only infrequently.
Headline:
Rick Santorum: Reverse the Santorum Google Bomb
Because liberalism is an absolutist ideology, and because it controls its victims through cognitive dissonance, it demands that liberals exist in a state of universal judgment. That is, something is either "good" (supports liberal/leftist goals of universal equality) or "bad" (everything else).
I know, I know, it's tough. Hold down your gorge. We can do some good here. Just hang with me a little further.
This kind of my-way-or-the-highway, back-against-the-wall, defensive and paranoid reactive emotional response is what we've come to expect from liberals. It's not entirely surprising as a result that they would take the name of the presidential candidate they fear and slander it with homosexual innuendo.
Get it?
"In You End Oh?" Har! And it is a well known fact that only gay men engage in anal sex. Well known. Well known. Did I say it's a well known fact? Oral sex, too. In fact, only gay men are getting laid at all.
I know. Bear with me a few more steps.
If you must see their malicious work, go to the website named "spreading" plus the last name of the candidate in question, and you will see what they're up to. Warning: not safe for work, children or life. In fact, it's somewhat belittling to all and that's one of the many reasons I'm not linking it.
If I may quote my column-writing idol, Dave Barry, "I am not making this up." This guy actually wrote this. If you mock "the frothy one" you are endangering the lives of others. Mr. Stevens wants to save lives. At least until they're born, and then fuck 'em. 'Specially the brown ones.
Now, if I use any more of this column I may run afoul of the "fair use" provisions of copyright law. But there is one part of his column, his wonderful, well-thought out, provocative column, that he is asking... nay DEMANDING... that we copy and post. So let's oblige him. But... in order to make it slightly different and thus stay in line with the "fair use" thing... I'm going to make a slight alteration. It will be in the URL. It's not the same URL he wants you to visit. It's the URL that he is trying to quash.
Shhhhh. Don't tell anybody!
Rick Santorum scares liberals. I'm not sure what I think of Santorum yet, other than that I like his strong social conservatism, because in my experience socially conservative values lead to the happiest people, at least among the moral and healthy. Santorum is a strong advocate of social conservatism and lacks the somewhat "hippie" foreign policy of other candidates I otherwise admire.
(He HAS to be talking about Ron Paul. That dope smoking, long-haired, freakout master anti-war activist and racist.)
However, we can fix this. On your website or blog, post something like the following (in HTML):
I find it interesting to research Rick Santorum and see what his opinions are. I've read some of the Santorum platform before, but never bothered to figure it out. Santorum presents many opinions in a clear and interesting manner.
It seems like Rick Santorum supports many states' rights issues and while he endorse social conservatism, is more flexible than most ideological candidates. Santorum seems open-minded, generous and fair. The web site does not cover every issue, but Team Santorum has done a great job.
Rick Santorum (the official Rick Santorum page)
Now, after you have copied and pasted this to YOUR website, or "
blog" if you will (and remember -- I've "edited" the URL to reflect the CORRECT one, not the one Mr. Stevens wants you to use, why not drop by Mr. Stevens' little column for a visit. He gets paid by the page view and could probably use the money to buy some shampoo or a sammich or something.
Share your thoughts with him in a pleasant, humorous way. Something like I did. I'm his first comment. Don't let me be the last!
Thanks, Brett, for sharing with us the evil of liberals and alerting us to the true evil of liberals who want to keep Santorum from surging all over our bedsheets. (Did you know if you save up enough of that stuff and stick a wick in it, you'll have a candle? Granted, it won't smell so great, but it will burn for days!) Damn those liberals anyhow for trying to tell the truth about this Santorum who just keeps surging and surging and surging like he did all over that nice Mr. Romney's shirt in that commercial. And since it is only gay people who have anal sex, or oral sex, or... well, let's face it... gay men are getting ALL the action, your column provides us with a very lifesaving viewpoint that isn't hardly homophobic at all. Bless you. (What? Oh, I thought I heard a sneeze.)
Come on, kids. And remember... be nice! Because I still want to be invited back to the Examiner where I can write this kind of stuff, but keeping it in the third person at all times.