"There is no justice for a crime that lasts forever." ~dear occupant
Ever since I've read these words, I have requoted them more times than I can tell you. Because it is true. Child sexual abuse permeates every inch of who I am. It runs through my blood, pulses with each beat of my heart and the pain and sadness of a childhood shattered linger just below the surface of every pore of my skin. Get too close and you're triggered - sweat, fear, anxiety, disgust, self-loathing, pain, sorrow and sadness rush in like a tidal wave filling all of the voids and broken spaces within you.
The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places
~Ernest Hemingway
Most days are good. I am a fully functioning well-rounded, stable human being. I move from home to work to school with ease, often feeling like I can, in fact, do it all. Maybe I'm too close right now, starting the charity, laying bare my story and soul here in these diaries, but I am restless of late and feel like I can't get my arms back around "it." I feel like there are pieces and parts of me scattered here, on message boards promoting my advocacy, in the book I've started, the bylaws and aritcles of incorporation I've submitted, the 1023 I'm wrestling with - bits and pieces of me laying about, exposed, raw, bleeding...
More after the jump -
Tree Climbers is a community diary series for survivors of childhood sexual, physical, and emotional abuse and those who support them.
Tree Climbers sustain each other, learn about childhood abuse, recover, and discover and create ways to protect children.
Trigger Warning - The next paragraph holds brutal words. Feel free to scroll past it.
In a typical diary, you might read of someone who survived the grooming (this does not mean hair brushing), the fondlings, the rapings, the beatings, the mutilations or the death threats perpetrated by a sadistic egocentric molester of an innocent. Criminals abuse their victims. For years. Families refuse to believe the victims. For years. Victims report being dead inside. For years. Families and society have stifled the voices of victims and magnified and perpetuated the abuse. For years. We weep. We rage. We heal. We inspire.
We invite you to climb or be lifted up in our safe tree with us. We have broad branches, sunshine, hammocks, cushions, and plenty of tissues. Comment on the diary, ask questions, and share your perspective or even your story. If you are too overwhelmed to speak, you can just witness. That's okay. A few of the Tree Climbers are as silent as a jury.
Tree Climbers Rule: Be kind.
No T r o l l s. When we were children, we had no power. But we are no longer children. Climbing trees is not healthy for trolls - everybody knows that. If you act like a troll in our tree, we will calmly watch while you become invisible.
|
The constant battle that goes on inside my head is something I'm sure most survivors go through. The self-defeating thoughts of "you can't do this - you aren't smart enough, good enough, there's no way you can do it!"
Today I am restless. As the trial approaches for these boys in pennsylvania, and the rumblings of wanting to discredit them based on the patterns of self-abuse they probably continued well into their adult lives infuriates me. You damage a child when they are so young and then hold against them the very coping mechanisms they employed to just SURVIVE?!?!
Alcohol, drug abuse, promiscuity, questionable behaviors - all of these are results of being violated so young - and these are the very things they will rake these boys over the coals with during the trial. The victim victimized once again - IT'S NOT FAIR!!!
I am restless and angry and scared today - feeling as if I can't wrap my arms around the chaos I've created - wanting to push it all back down and cover it up and make it all nice and pretty - pretend once again that everything is okay.
But it's NOT okay - it's not okay because today a child is suffering, today a child is begging for someone to speak up, today a child is looking for a way out. And tomorrow and all future tomorrows that child will pay for the injustice perpetrated on them through no fault of their own.
There is no justice for a crime that lasts forever...
Special diaries and a radio broadcast. If you missed the first few days of the Tree Climbers, we recommend that you read the following three diaries and also listen to a radio interview.
• F**k Joe Paterno by Rebecca, January 22, 2012.
• “No One Spoke Up for Us": For The Children Who Had No Voice and for Those Finally Finding Theirs by Rebecca, January 26, 2012.
• In Solidarity. There is No True Justice for a Crime That Lasts Forever by dear occupant, January 26, 2012.
• Roxine's radio interview. On Dr. Laura's radio show on November 11, 2011, Roxine read her letter on air (8 minutes). You can read the text in "No One Spoke Up for Us."
Technical questions? See the Daily Kos
Frequently Asked Questions, found also at the bottom of every Daily Kos page.
† Following. Once you become a member of Daily Kos, you can Follow (subscribe to) any diarist or group. From your home page, when you click on the tab "My Stream," a page will open that looks like an email Inbox. To see what a Daily Kos Stream looks like: SallyCat's "My Stream" page.
National Sexual Assault Hotline 1.800.656.4673.