How can you tell when a big time radio show is in big time trouble?
Answer this question.
When's the last time Rush Limbaugh ran a "sweepstakes"?
Is there any record of Limbaugh having to resort to a third-rate ratings stunt to keep his fleeing listeners? A perfunctory search of Google reveals no such gimmick in the show's history, although we will gladly be corrected by someone who can prove otherwise.
Someone who has listened to Limbaugh for a long time must certainly recall a time when Limbaugh felt so insecure of his position and threatened by the emergence of a rival host (Mike Huckabee) on a rival network (Cumulus Radio) that he had to fall back on the sort of thing "Morning Zoo" radio shows in small markets do to fool listeners into filling in that "quarter hour" slot in their ratings books.
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This is not a joke. This is real.
Rush Limbaugh is holding a "Daily Giveaway Sweepstakes".
But act fast! The sweepstakes only lasts five days! It began at midnight this morning and runs through Friday at mindight.
The prize? Get this. Are you willing to sell your soul and listen to Rush Limbaugh for a daily chance to win...
...an iPad?
But not just any iPad!
You could win one of six of the 64GB Apple iPads with Wi-Fi + 4G (excluding 4G data plan) custom engraved with the EIB logo and Rush Limbaugh signature (Approximate Retail Value: $900.00 -- you gotta pay for your own 4G data plan... money's tight at the EIB these days).
Betcha that makes you forget that he called a private citizen a slut and a prostitute, huh? Right? A nice, shiny, new iPad? You'll forgive El Rushbo for lying about an innocent college girl and ruining her reputation for the chance to win an iPad, right? Won't you?
Won't you PLEASE?
And you can enter TWICE! Just "follow" @limbaugh and/or @rushlimbaugh on Twitter to be eligible to win.
He has iPads! Nice, new iPads! And all you have to do is give him your soul!
And sponsors? Stop abandoning the show! Rush is gonna bring back the listeners. He's gonna do it with iPads! Shiny, bright, new iPads! Six of 'em! That's more fingers than you have on one hand! Oh boy! You won't want to be left out of the crush of Rush sponsors clamoring to get back on board to catch the ears of the millions and billions of listeners who will want to win an iPad!
After all, the $900 retail value -- that's worth your eternal soul, isn't it?
Listeners?
Sponsors?
Hello?
Is there anyone out there?
Is there anyone out there?
Is there...
Anyone?
Official contest rules are here.
Wouldn't it be cool if a Kossack won one of these things?
The beauty part is, you don't have to listen! Just enter via Twitter and wait for those iPads to start rolling in!