Duh. It's so obvious, I can't believe no one has brought this up before.
We have an argument going on here where we have two sides, both fully legitimate and reasoned, and we need to give equal weight to both sides. We have to stop this divisive talk and get down to the hard work of crafting bipartisan solutions.
So Georgia legislators think that women, like livestock, need to carry their unborn fetuses to term, even if they're dead? And everyone else disagrees, right? Where's the balance? How do we find common ground?
Well, that's easy. The answer is, like, thousands of years old, duhhhh:
24. And the king said, Bring me a sword. And they brought a sword before the king.
25. And the king said, Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one, and half to the other.
The obvious,
bipartisan solution, the solution that gives equal weight to both sides, the solution that is eminently
fair and precisely
balanced, is the one that requires a woman to carry only half her unborn baby to term, whether that unborn baby is alive or dead.
You are welcome.
And now for the issue of transvaginal ultrasounds (and pardon me for constantly confusing that procedure with the 1990s dance-music group of similar appellation - although "Delta Disco" takes on a vastly different meaning for each . . . ), the Solomonic, bipartisan solution is equally obvious:
The probe can be inserted only halfway.
Voilà!
Simple, elegant, and the perfect middle ground between two perfectly reasonable positions.
Contraception? That one's easy: Sluts: covered. Prostitutes: not covered. Oh, and birth control pills can only be held between the knees.
BAM! You're welcome.
Taxes? The obvious, bipartisan middle ground is this: Lower taxes on the wealthiest Americans to 30%, halfway between the current Bush 35% and the Paul Ryan-proposed 25%.
Duhhh! See, people? This ain't rocket science here! In fact, a middle-schooler could do it! Watch this:
Was the Trayvon Martin shooting a racist incident? Sheesh, folks, basic statistics - applied in a bipartisan, balanced manner - tells you that it wasn't: Zimmerman is white, Martin was black, so what we had here, when you average it out, was an incident where a half-white guy was shot by a half-black guy. NOW who's racist??
I freakin love bipartisanship. It always results in such great solutions.
H/t thereisnospoon, whose diaries have been known to inspire me.