Mark Zuckerburg just bought all my Rick Santorum jokes for $1 billion.
Castro has now outlasted ten U.S. Presidents and one Marlins Manager.
Why did Oprah put "failed television network" on her vision board?
Iran to permanently cut off Internet and have "clean" Iran-only intranet. Ayatollah said "it was the only way to rid ourselves of Bieber."
My grandfather said he was alive before indoor plumbing. I told him I was alive before unlimited text messaging. That's when he punched me.
I have a theory that 1 out of every 12 chickens is handicapped. Don't believe me? Order 24 wings… there's always one that’s fucked up.
My trash man finally came to my door and said: I’ve been hauling off your bottles for years, Dude we need to party together.
The decisions that are made at a liquor store often end up being the best and worst ones of your life.
What is the meaning of life? It's simple. Don't die. Good luck.