Salt Lake City, Utah - In a surprise move going against over two-hundred years of tradition, Republican-candidate Mitt Romney announced today that Mitt Romney would also be his Vice-Presidential pick. While the two candidates appear to be the same person, Mitt Romney is known to have two opinions of any issue at any given time.
"Some might argue this is the most arrogant Vice-Presidential pick since Dick Cheney's search found only himself. I also do a lot of soul searching and realized my core beliefs were definitely two different people depending on the polling of the day, sometime five," Mitt Romney stated at a recent campaign stop in Texas. "Why, if I really think about, and all the positions I have taken, I could probably fill out the my Cabinet as well."
According to Constitutional historian Lloyd Beenwasser, there is no rule against the same man running for both.
"Well, to be honest, the Founding Fathers were men of political conviction, who at the end of the day developed our democratic framework after years of debate and philosophical thought. Romney just goes by what the polls say, a ship set sail on the zeitgeist of ever-changing public opinion," Beenwasser said, while thumbing through law book after law book to see how this could possibly be legal.
"The men who started this country had no idea just what type of empty suits would run for President one day, or that these candidates would flip and flop to the point they could be viewed as two unique candidates. And then to run as two candidates in the same suit! Sometimes I think Mitt is best left to theoretical physics than political science."
While many Republicans agree, they are left with the unfortunate fate of having to support Mitt Romney as their candidate for President. Many are not taking the news that he is also the Vice-Presidential candidate well, not well at all.
"I could have suffered and held my nose as I voted for Romney as President, especially if he was countered by a Vice-Presidential candidate who, I don't know, actually believed a single word he was saying," murmured Jennifer Hollikoft, a self-proclaimed hardcore conservative and life-long Republican.
"Heck, even Ron Paul is looking good all of the sudden. Sure, that man says the craziest things, and quite frankly, scares even me at times, but at least he believes what is coming out of his mouth! I am not even sure Romney believes Romney on this Vice-Presidential pick. That, my friends, is the just what kind of sorry state the Republican Party is in."
Romney is expected to formal announce Romney as the pick later today at a news conference at his family’s sprawling estate, which should have more than enough room for all the Mitt Romneys planning to attend.
As of press time, there is no word if they would all be wearing the same magic underwear.