I was reading The Nephew's diary yesterday about his mother's stunning evolution on the gay issue and her newfound stance against North Carolina's discriminatory Amendment 1, and I got a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. I remember when The Nephew came to Daily Kos. He was the first person I subscribed to, in fact. Those were dark days for him. It's incredible how far he and his family have come in such a short period of time.
Anyway, as I was reading, I started thinking about how far my own mother has come. I published a diary for LGBT Kos back in July about my mom's evolution since I came out and her (albeit reluctant) endorsement of legalized marriage equality. If you haven't read it, please read it, as it goes into the background of my coming-out and the incremental progress leading up to my mom's decision that gay and lesbian people deserved equal marriage rights. That was a huge deal, considering my mom is very conservative and very, very religious (in a fundamental Christianity sort of way). But she's come so much farther since then. So I thought I'd give an update on my mother's continued evolution, just to show that, yes, miracles do happen sometimes. Follow me below the fold.
But First, A Word From Our Sponsor:
Top Comments recognizes the previous day's Top Mojo and strives to promote each day's outstanding comments through nominations made by Kossacks like you. Please send comments (before 9:30pm ET) by email to topcomments@gmail.com or by our KosMail message board. Just click on the Spinning Top™ to make a submission. Look for the Spinning Top™ to pop up in diaries posts around Daily Kos.
Make sure that you include the direct link to the comment (the URL), which is available by clicking on that comment's date/time. Please let us know your Daily Kos user name if you use email so we can credit you properly. If you send a writeup with the link, we can include that as well. The diarist poster reserves the right to edit all content.
Please come in. You're invited to make yourself at home! Join us beneath the doodle...
|
Four months ago, as I've discussed here at Top Comments before, I met my current boyfriend, Louis. I'd always thought the idea of love at first sight was ridiculous, until I met him. I've had romantic interests and boyfriends before, but there was (and is) a certain energy between Louis and me that I can't quite put into words. If you've experienced it, you know what I'm talking about. And four months later, things have gotten pretty serious, and I know that this is not just a fleeting relationship. Because I can never pass up an opportunity to gratuitously insert a picture of us together, here you go.
Over the course of our relationship, my friends and family have gotten to know Louis--because of the distance between Texas and the East Coast--online, mainly through Facebook. Every member of my immediate family who has Facebook has friend-requested him. The common theme is that everybody seems to like him, a lot.
But the most interesting thing to watch has been my mom's reaction to our relationship.
As I talked about in my July diary, when my first boyfriend and I were dating, my mom and I barely discussed it for most of the relationship. It was an uncomfortable topic for both of us--for her because she didn't approve and for me for obvious reasons. Even after she met him, the relationship was still something of a taboo subject that we consciously tried to avoid to avoid a fight.
Years later, my mom has had a great deal of time to digest the fact that I'm gay and that I will never be in a relationship with a woman that will produce a biological child. It's just not going to happen. I think it has finally sunk in.
More significantly, since I've entered into my current relationship with Louis, I think my mom has seen the positive effects on me. This might sound overly dramatic, and maybe it is, but in many ways it's true: When I think about my life before Louis, it's like a black hole. My outlook is brighter, I'm not so serious, I'm enjoying life again, and honestly, I've just become a better person in general. My mom has undoubtedly noticed this, just as other people in my life have. Not to mention, seeing my relationship unfold certainly showed her the obvious: that gay people are real people who have real relationships, just like heterosexual people. This idea may seem like common sense, but apply religious and socially conservative filters and it's easy to see how difficult an issue this has been in my family. Sixty-plus years of homophobia is not easily shed.
The change in my mom's attitude has been gradual, and I therefore haven't really noticed it. But after reading The Nephew's diary, I've taken the time to actually sit and think about it. And when I really think about it, my mother's evolution has been quite remarkable. Radical, even. Just a few years ago, my mom and I didn't discuss my sexuality, and if we did, it involved her quoting Scripture and telling me how much she didn't approve. Today, every time I talk to my mom on the phone, Louis is near the top of the agenda. She wants to know how he is, what he's up to, or just more about him in general. Near Valentine's Day, my mom asked what I was planning to do with him, and she wanted to know all the details (well, not all the details, but you know what I mean). When those tornadoes hit the Dallas-Fort Worth area (and, specifically, Louis's particular suburb), my mom's priority was finding out if he was okay. And just a couple of weeks ago, she friend-requested him on Facebook. She constantly asks when I'm going to bring Louis home to meet the family. She really cares about him and our relationship.
I can go on with examples that may seem minor, but the larger story is not minor at all. My mom really, genuinely cares. And not in a nosy, in-my-business sort of way, but in a way that indicates she actually wants to be involved.
Never in a million years would I have foreseen this kind of evolution. At one time, all I hoped for was for her to silently disapprove and leave me alone. What I got instead was genuine acceptance. And I know that Louis has a place in my family. That's a big deal.
So yes, miracles do happen. Not to sound cliché, but it really can get better. If my mom can evolve, anybody can.
This is the stuff of which social change is made--one mom, one family at a time.
TOP COMMENTS
April 13, 2012
Thanks to tonight's Top Comments contributors! Let us hear from YOU
when you find that proficient comment.
From Puddytat:
It started with an innocent typo in a comment on my diary, and then comedy broke out and kept on growing and growing. Enjoy.
From Steveningen:
In Hunter's diary Gays are like the iceberg that sunk the Titanic The Nephew really got off with a good one. This guy is coming along nicely.
From lineatus:
Giles Goat Boy's diary about this tweet from Walker is filled with fabulously fun comments, but kck had my favorite.
|
TOP PHOTOS
April 12, 2012
Enjoy jotter's wonderful PictureQuilt™ below. Just click on the picture and it will magically take you to the comment that features that photo. Have fun, Kossacks!
|