I know there's this big hullabaloo about respect. A lot of people seem to think that the only people worthy of respect are those who earned it. Not just earned it a little bit, but earned it Big Time. If those respected people display just one teeny tiny iota of action or thought that differs from what is expected of them BAM that respect is instantly gone, never ever to be re-given.
I've thought about it and argued it with people before, and I keep thinking about it. The more I think about it, the more I think those people who demand that others must work, and work hard and forever, to earn their respect are wrong.
I think the problem is semantics, but let me explain in a round-about way.
It gets rather graphic.
One of the most potent examples I can offer for why respect is so very important is violence - abuse, rape, torment, bullying.
Who gets abused, raped, bullied? People who are not respected.
Pause and think about that. Violence towards others comes from many sources, but the target, the target is always someone who is not respected by the instigator of the violence.
This is why I think it is so very important that respect be automatically given to everyone.
Those people who say others have to earn their respect, I think what most of them are really saying is that people have to earn their regard, their worship, their idolization. They think the people they respect should be heroes or celebrities or larger than life, someone to look up to, role models, that sort of thing.
The problem with that sort of hero-worshipful respect is that it teeters on a very fine point and if the person teeters too far in one direction or another - as humans will - suddenly they become monsters, horrible meanie fascist pooh-pooh-heads, hated with a vitriol that can be stunningly frightening. I'd hate to "earn" that kind of respect.
I'm an ordinary person. I'm not a hero, or a superhero, or a celebrity, or a role model. I'm just me. And these people, the ones who spout that other people have to earn their respect, will never respect themselves, let alone me or people like me - ordinary people.
I think society has gotten it into their collective head that only perfect people, the people who are larger than life, the people who they think are better than they are, deserve respect.
That makes it OK in their minds to bully the people they think are weaker or lesser or different. That makes it OK in their minds to hurt the people they think are weaker or lesser or different in some way. That makes it easier for them to believe lies spread about the people they think are weaker or lesser or different. That makes it normal to blame the victim and to believe the accused must be guilty, or they would never have been accused of something. Taunting, baiting, victim-bashing, abusing, raping, beating, bullying, murdering, driving the others to suicide - these are the things people who don't respect others do.
Withholding respect from others is tantamount to saying "You don't matter."
I think that's wrong.
I think we all matter. Yes. ALL of us. Some matter more than others to each of us, but we all matter to someone, and someone matters to us. Sometimes lot of someones matter to us. And everyone is worthy of respect, of the basic human respect that acknowledges they are alive, and human, and matter.
So long as society blames the victim in spite of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, withholds their respect for the life of the victim, there is no safe place for those who are victimized, for those who are bullied, abused, beaten, murdered, raped, taunted, or otherwise injured emotionally of physically or both. If there is no respect for the ordinary person, there is no safety, no justice, and no help. There never will be until we, as a society, learn to respect each and every person within it.
I know. Dream on.
But I'm filled with dreams of this sort, and I take action to try to make those dreams come true. I started with my children, who spread it to their friends, who spread it to their friends, and hopefully it will keep spreading.
We need to start by practicing being respectful towards others, and by teaching all of our children - boys as well as girls - to respect others: their peers, their younger siblings, their parents, their teachers, other adults.
Giving respect to others is empowering. It makes you a better person inside, in your heart. It makes you happier and more aware of the world around you because you're more willing to actually look at the world around you. Giving respect gives you confidence.
And giving respect ripples outward. Yes, it can be stopped by barriers, but all it takes is one person to restart the ripples when it hits a barrier.
let me give you an inane example from where I work. We have a "birthday rotation" which means that the person who just had a birthday provides treats for the next person to have a birthday. People can opt out of the rotation, meaning they neither get nor give treats. Treats can be as simple as a home baked cake from an 89¢ mix or as elaborate as the person providing the treats cares to get. One year, one person forgot to provide treats for the next person's birthday and by the time they remembered it was their turn to bring the treats, they felt guilty and decided if they just didn't do it, no one would notice.
Except everyone who was waiting for their treats so they could then pass the treat-giving along did notice, and they got grumpy and grumpier. They started snapping at others and being rude. Suddenly, no one was being nice to anyone else, and no one was giving anyone any slack over anything. It was all accusations and anger.
This went on for months, until one person went ahead and brought birthday treats for the person after them, even though their birthday was skipped.
And almost instantly, you could see the change in attitude. The birthday rotation picked back up and continued. People smiled more, were friendlier, were more forgiving.
Why? Because that one person respected their co-worker and the ambiance of the office to bring treats even though they hadn't gotten any.
I don't know if the lesson was learned or not, but not one birthday in the rotation has been forgotten since. And the atmosphere here at work has loosened up and become friendly again.
Give the gift of respect, and let's see if it works because it certainly isn't going to make things worse.