Chinese babies must be like "Fuuuuuck…" when they realize they're gonna have to learn Chinese.
The story of the Titanic speaks to me because I once tripped over a bag of ice at a party & then killed over 1,500 people.
Cats probably wouldn't need 9 lives if they wore tiny little helmets and didn't smoke cigarettes.
I don't speak Italian, but Pinot Grigio means "slut fuel," right?
Weird that inside each of us is a skeleton that will one day wander the earth carrying a rusty sword.
Storms can be scary to kids, so tell your son or daughter that thunder is God beating Jesus because he "forgot" to put his toys away.
The only difference between what gay men do in a marriage & what Chris Christie does to a cannoli is consensuality.
How the hell is a guy supposed to stay faithful to one woman when he can't even jerk off to the same porn two nights in a row?
So apparently if you get less than 6 hours of sleep, your brain's ability to regulate self-control is gone.
THIS EXPLAINS A LOT.