Well, it finally happened. In the dead of night, Rick Santorum has finally bitten the bullet and endorsed Mitt Romney. In typical endorsement fashion, he’s said all sorts of supportive-sounding things that mean basically nothing. So, in the interests of effective communication, your intrepid diarist has provided this annotated version that more clearly articulates what was left unsaid, which is always more intriguing.
Thank you again for all you did as one of my strongest and committed supporters. Your belief in our campaign helped us start a movement of Americans who believe deeply that our best days are ahead as long as we fight to strengthen our families, unshackle our economy and promote freedom here and around the world. Karen and I will be forever grateful for the support, kindness and commitment you showed us, as well as our children, over these last months.
Are best days aren’t ahead, of course, I'm just kidding. They’re in the past, when men were men, and women were amenable. When our economy was shackled – literally – as happy slaves toiled in the fields, enabling their owners to achieve the American dream. Everyone – even the slaves – could dream of freedom. We didn’t need to worry about unnatural things like same-sex marriage. Or contraception. Or abortion. Women were free to die in childbirth. Children were free to work outdoors or in factories and learn those wonderful American values.
On Friday, Governor Romney came to Pittsburgh for an over-hour long one-on-one meeting.
At least that was the time showing on my watch. In reality, it felt like an eternity. I mean, getting Mitt to stick on topic and stop wandering off on self-congratulatory tangents is a real problem.
The conversation was candid, collegial and focused on the issues that you helped me give voice to during our campaign; because I believe they are essential ingredients to not only winning this fall, but turning our country around.
While the issue of my endorsement did not come up...
(It already came up 666 times prior to this particular meeting, so there was really no point in mentioning it again....)
...I certainly have heard from many of you who have weighed in on whether or not I should issue a formal endorsement. Thank you for your counsel, it has been most helpful.
I know it’s not easy for some of you to write letters (or spell campaign signs), because unlike me, you don’t have three college degrees and a wealth of experience as a US Senator. So I really appreciate you taking the time and effort to write. My kids and I have done our best to make sense of your written input. Many of you begged me to please, PLEASE not endorse this flip-flopping, narcissistic, soul-less cyborg. I want you to know: I’ve heard you and I want to assure you that this decision wasn’t made lightly. If not for my crushing campaign debt (which Mitt offered to pay off in full), we wouldn’t even be having this discussion.
Follow along below the vacuum of Governor Romney's soul for more...
However, I felt that it was completely impossible for me to even consider an endorsement until after a meeting to discuss issues critical to those of us who often feel our voices are not heard by the establishment: social conservatives, tea-party supporters, lower and middle income working families.
Governor Romney often ignores these people whose only failing in life is that they can’t afford to write six-figure checks to his SuperPAC. In reality though, Mitt’s great wealth was built on the backs of these hard-working people. At least it was before he outsourced all their jobs. So it’s my job to stand up for these true patriots and demand that their voices be heard. Governor Romney has assured me that there is a place for each and every one of them on his campaign team: holding up signs for hours outside the Tampa convention hall in the scorching heat. It’s a paying job too; just not union wage.
Clearly without the overwhelming support from you all, I never would have won 11 states and over 3 million votes, and we would not have won more counties than all the other candidates combined.
You see what I did there? Yeah, counties. Massachusetts doesn’t put much stock in counties, but in the real American heartland, they’re the basis of our entire government. And I won them! I won!
I can assure you that even though I am no longer a candidate for president, I will still continue to fight every day for our shared values – the values that made America the greatest country in the history of the world.
You know the sort of thing I mean. Homophobia, for instance. We may not be #1, but it’s certainly something to strive for.
During our meeting I felt a deep responsibility to assess Governor Romney’s commitment to addressing the issues most important to conservatives, as well his commitment to ensuring our appropriate representation in a Romney administration.
The family and its foundational role in America’s economic success, a central point of our campaign, was discussed at length. I was impressed with the Governor’s deep understanding of this connection and his commitment to economic policies that preserve and strengthen families. He clearly understands that having pro-family initiatives are not only the morally and economically right thing to do, but that the family is the basic building block of our society and must be preserved.
It’s certainly the building block of the Romney family. He’s got this whole dynasty thing worked out. Five sons! You have to admire that. None of them served in the military either. Nope. Dad just gives ‘em $10 million to start their own business and voila! Job Creators! A whole family of job creators.
I also shared with Governor Romney my belief that we cannot restore America as the greatest economic engine the world has ever seen until we return America to being a manufacturing superpower. He listened very carefully to my advice on this matter, and while our policy prescriptions differed, he clearly expressed his desire to create more opportunities for those that are feeling left behind in this economy.
Governor Romney has a lot of experience with manufacturing, having destroyed some of this country’s most prominent firms, outsourced millions of jobs, worked to crush labor unions, and turned his back on the automobile industry (only to claim that he’s the one who saved it. What a kidder!)
As it is often said, “personnel is policy.” I strongly encouraged Governor Romney as he builds out his campaign staff and advisors that he add more conservative leaders as an integral part of his team. And you can be sure that I will work with the Governor to help him in this task to ensure he has a strong team that will support him in his conservative policy initiatives.
Clearly, he wasn’t listening to my advice when he brought on that Grenell fellow. Fortunately, we’ve been able to rectify that problem, and I’ve told Mitt that bringing on any gays, lesbians, transgendered people, or fornicators is an absolute deal breaker. I offered to personally vet all his future hires, but somehow he didn’t think that was necessary. He has assured me that if any other unacceptable hires are identified by our wing of the party, they’ll be removed promptly. I’ll take him at his word.
Of course we talked about what it would take to win this election. As you know I started almost every speech with the phrase that this was the most important election since the election of 1860 and four more years of President Obama is simply not an option. As I contemplated what further steps I will take, that reality weighed heavy on me. The America we know is being fundamentally changed to look more like a European socialist state than the land of opportunity our founding fathers established.
I like to think back to the days of America’s founding, and times like the election of 1860, things would be a lot better today if not for the fact that we have so many women, African Americans, and immigrants voting.
Freedom and personal responsibility are being replaced with big government dependency. The greatest and most productive workers in the world are being hamstrung by excessive regulations making it impossible to compete. Our healthcare system had been socialized, and the worth of each life dictated by some government bureaucrat. Our allies are insulted while our enemies are appeased. And our religious beliefs and freedom have come under attack.
What is even more troubling is what a second term of an Obama administration could bring. President Obama's admission to the Russians that he will have more flexibility in a second term can only be translated to "if you thought I was liberal in the first four years you haven't seen anything yet!"
Rather than allow the America that I know and love to go down this treacherous path, I’m willing to make this deal with Satan, er... Governor Romney.
The primary campaign certainly made it clear that Governor Romney and I have some differences. But there are many significant areas in which we agree: the need for lower taxes, smaller government, and a reduction in out-of-control spending. We certainly agree that abortion is wrong and marriage should be between one man and one woman. I am also comfortable with Governor Romney on foreign policy matters, and we share the belief that we can never allow Iran to possess nuclear weapons. And while I had concerns about Governor Romney making a case as a candidate about fighting against Obamacare, I have no doubt if elected he will work with a Republican Congress to repeal it and replace it with a bottom up, patient, not government, driven system.
Oops. Did I say “bottom up”? Whenever I do that, the Internet buzzes with Santorum jokes. But you know what I mean. Anyway... back to Iran. We can no more allow them to possess nuclear weapons than we can allow women to possess contraception.
Come to think of it, maybe we should be shipping the contraceptives to Iran and giving the nuclear... oh. Never mind. So where was I? Obamacare. Yes, of course I had my doubts about Governor Romney after what he did in Massachusetts. I mean, he was bragging about creating the model for Obamacare. But he’s evolved on this issue, just as he has on abortion, auto industry bailouts, and a hundred other issues. It takes a big man to admit that he was wrong. Mitt's a very big man.
Above all else, we both agree that President Obama must be defeated. The task will not be easy. It will require all hands on deck if our nominee is to be victorious. Governor Romney will be that nominee and he has my endorsement and support to win this the most critical election of our lifetime.
OK, OK. I said it. Happy now?? Notice that he doesn’t have my “hearty” or “enthusiastic” or “unqualified” endorsement. No, this is just your garden-variety, gun-to-the-head endorsement. I had hope to wait until his check cleared, but he told me it wouldn’t be a problem.
My conversation with Governor Romney was very productive, but I intend to keep lines of communication open with him and his campaign. I hope to ensure that the values that made America that shining city on the hill are illuminated brightly by our party and our candidates thus ensuring not just a victory, but a mandate for conservative governance.
Hey, you know what’s weird? Right after I sent this e-mail, I called Governor Romney, and I got a recorded message that this phone number is no longer in service? That was odd, don’t you think? I mean, it’s not like he couldn’t afford to pay the bill or anything. Weird. Anyway...
Karen and I know firsthand how difficult the campaign trail can be particularly as governor Romney faces relentless attacks from the democrats. We have been praying for him and his family and will continue to do so in the weeks and months ahead.
Luckily our prayers are just between us and God, so you’ll never know what we’re actually praying for. It could be for Mitt and his wife to retire in comfort and splendor to their Western White House With Car Elevator to preserve their health and sanity. That has a nice ring to it, don’t you think? It’s hard work ruining lives and destroying companies. The guy deserves some rest and relaxation, a chance to enjoy his platinum years.
Thank you again for all you have done for us, and I look forward to working together to defeat President Obama this fall and to protect faith, family, freedom and opportunity in America.
You notice that this is all about defeating Obama, and not electing Governor Romney? There’s a reason for that. This guy doesn’t have any tangible plans whatsoever about solving our problems. It’ll be Government by PowerPoint, with all Executive Branch functions outsourced to Bain while he visits his bank accounts in Switzerland and the Caymans.
With Gratitude, Rick Santorum
P.S. As promised, very soon we will be making another big announcement, and I will be asking you to once again join forces with me to keep up the fight, together. Stay tuned
So keep those donations coming in and in return, I’ll keep struggling to remain relevant now that I’ve given away my only bargaining chip.