Last night, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert tackled Obama's evolution on gay marriage, but more on how the right-wing and Fox News have seemed to change their own arguments against gay marriage as well.
BILL O'REILLY (12/2/2003): I don't care about gay marriage. ... But, here you go, this is the slippery slope. If you legalize gay marriage and gay sex and all that, then everybody who wants to marry five people can do it, commune people can do it, you could marry a turtle.
Bill?! No, Bill! See, Fox? You used to think gay marriage would end with all of us marrying turtles, which, incidentally, you'd think would have gotten the support of at least one Republican Senator to support it. (puts up photo of Mitch McConnell)
So come on! The President's supporting an attack on the institution of marriage and Christian values! Gay people cause hurricanes, remember?
SEAN HANNITY (5/9/2012): This was all about politics, as usual, not principle.
GRETCHEN CARLSON (5/10/2012): This is about getting re-elected in November.
DANA PERINO (5/9/2012): From the political standpoint, it smells bad.
MICHELLE MALKIN (5/9/2012): And that's what's really driving this. It's all about politics, and it's all about money.
And this is the true measure of how far we've come as a nation. In like five years, the prime talking point from Republicans about people who support gay marriage has gone from, "It will destroy society via turtle fucking!" to "Oh, of course you're for it, you'll say anything popular to get re-elected!" (wild audience applause)
And that is progress!
This is a clear assault on the sanctity of marriage, and I am not the only one who knows it. So does Pastor Robert Jeffress of First Baptist Dallas.
ROBERT JEFFRESS (5/10/2012): By embracing same-sex marriage, President Obama has really contradicted the Jesus that he says he follows.
Yes, Obama's contradicting the Jesus. And I, right now, would like to read to you what the Jesus said about homosexuality. I'd like to, but he never said anything about it. (wild audience applause)
Evidently, Jesus was so filled with rage, he was speechless!
Videos and transcripts below the fold.
Since it was an important moment in Obama's presidency, I'm sure Fox News was quick to shit on it as an assault on traditional values.
SHEPARD SMITH (5/9/2012): What I'm most curious about is whether Republicans would go out on a limb and try to make this a campaign issue while sitting very firmly, without much question, on the wrong side of history on it.
Shep Smith! Shep Smith! Shep Smith! Woo-hoo! Come on, Fox! It's same-sex marriage! The most divisive cultural issue of our time, remember?
NEWT GINGRICH (11/14/2008): There is a gay and secular fascism in this country that wants to impose its will on the rest of us.
GLENN BECK (5/12/2009): If you change the variables, and say that it doesn't have to be a man and a women, it can be a woman and a woman or a man and a man, why not a man and a woman a woman a woman? It may sound crazy.
BILL O'REILLY (12/2/2003): I don't care about gay marriage. ... But, here you go, this is the slippery slope. If you legalize gay marriage and gay sex and all that, then everybody who wants to marry five people can do it, commune people can do it, you could marry a turtle.
Bill?! No, Bill! See, Fox? You used to think gay marriage would end with all of us marrying turtles, which, incidentally, you'd think would have gotten the support of at least one Republican Senator to support it. (puts up photo of Mitch McConnell)
(in turtle voice) "Hey, my name's Mitch. Why don't you marry me, and we could move right into my house? I keep it on my back."
So come on! The President's supporting an attack on the institution of marriage and Christian values! Gay people cause hurricanes, remember?
SEAN HANNITY (5/9/2012): This was all about politics, as usual, not principle.
GRETCHEN CARLSON (5/10/2012): This is about getting re-elected in November.
DANA PERINO (5/9/2012): From the political standpoint, it smells bad.
MICHELLE MALKIN (5/9/2012): And that's what's really driving this. It's all about politics, and it's all about money.
And this is the true measure of how far we've come as a nation. In like five years, the prime talking point from Republicans about people who support gay marriage has gone from, "It will destroy society via turtle fucking!" to "Oh, of course you're for it, you'll say anything popular to get re-elected!" (wild audience applause)
And that is progress!
Now Nation, I don't know about you, but I am still reeling from President Obama's announcement yesterday that he is gay. Now, I have to assume that's the reason he supports gay marriage. But folks, I am an originalist. I believe that God ordained marriage to be between one man and that man's rib. Now I know that sounds a little gay, but the rib gets turned into a woman, and so everything's jake. Same reason why it's OK to have sex with barbeque. OK? But try telling that to the close-minded wait staff at Chili's. Read the Bible, guys.
But, I am equally troubled by how Obama came to this decision.
BARACK OBAMA (5/9/2012): I've been going through an evolution on this issue.
Folks, I have always said that evolution is just a slippery slope to gay. I mean, just look at the chart. It goes monkey, chimp, biped, caveman, Neanderthal, Homo sapiens, and finally, homosexual.
This is a clear assault on the sanctity of marriage, and I am not the only one who knows it. So does Pastor Robert Jeffress of First Baptist Dallas.
ROBERT JEFFRESS (5/10/2012): By embracing same-sex marriage, President Obama has really contradicted the Jesus that he says he follows.
Yes, Obama's contradicting the Jesus. And I, right now, would like to read to you what the Jesus said about homosexuality. I'd like to, but he never said anything about it. (wild audience applause)
Evidently, Jesus was so filled with rage, he was speechless! But I am confident he condemned it all the time in private, when he was hanging out with those twelve other dudes at their elaborate dinner parties where they all sat on the same side of the table. Just living the bachelor life together, drinking wine and working on their washboard abs.
Jason Jones then reported from
Obama's fundraiser at George Clooney's house.
Jon then took aim at the House GOP for
trying to pull out of the debt ceiling cuts.
Stephen also had one of the most hilarious
ThreatDowns in recent history, about blacks, gays, and monkeys.
He then paid "tribute" to the
fake Democrats that ran in the Wisconsin state senate recall elections earlier this week.
Jon talked with LBJ biographer
Robert Caro, and Stephen talked with Dr.
Francis Collins.
Note: The Daily Show and The Colbert Report will take the next TWO weeks off.