Arizona elections chief asks to see proof of Obama's birth certificate. Perhaps the Franklin Mint should put out a commemorative edition.
Eduardo Saverin is worth hundreds of millions, yet he still can't afford a complete left eyebrow.
As a wedding gift, Mark Zuckerberg gave his new wife all of our personal information.
Mitt Romney bought the NATO protests, downsized them to 2 anarchists and a sign-holding robot and flipped it for a profit.
Shame on everyone who didn't vote for Newt Gingrich. Don't come crying to me when the moon is full of abortion clinics and space Mexicans.
If all people are created in God's image, that must make God a bit of an ignorant gay racist bigoted wife-beating psychopathic atheist.
Has anyone ever told you something so dumb, that you feel like you immediately have to go learn something to feel better?
Captain America: Hulk you're on my shield.
Hulk: Hulk comfortable.
Captain America: I need it.
Tony Stark: Thor just grabbed my dick.
Okay, who wants to publish my manuscript? It's mostly a box of chicken bones and empty soda bottles, so I'll need a good editor.
Graduates of the University of Phoenix go on to do great things, like commercials for the University of Phoenix.
Even though I want to be nice, some motherfuckers just make it impossible.