From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
A Courtin' We Will Go
As we wait for the conservative Supreme Court justices to finish their mimosas and put their clothes back on, here are a few historic rulings that the high court is famous for, as compiled in the best educational textbook for the purpose: the classic America (The Book) by Stewart et al:
Marbury vs. Madison (1803)
Established the principle of "judicial review"---that the Supreme Court has the power to declare laws unconstitutional. Before that, the Court only had the power to check spelling and punctuation.
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Plessy v. Ferguson (1896)
The Court upholds segregation and the constitutionality of the "separate but equal" doctrine. The ruling was intended only to keep Plessy, a notorious womanizer, away from Ferguson, whose wife was quite comely. However, in one of the wackiest mishaps in judicial history, it was used to keep an entire race of people down for half a century.
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Brown v. Board of Education (1954)
Again with the black people. Only this time there's a twist: the Court overturned the Plessy ruling, declaring the establishment of separate public schools for black and white students inherently unequal. This landmark verdict paved the way for integration, the Civil Rights Movement, and the Beastie Boys.
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Godzilla v. Megalon (1973)
In a rare foray into international law, the Court agreed to settle a dispute between two giant monsters rampaging through the Japanese countryside. In a 7-2 decision, the Court found Megalon's emission of lightning from his horn-like appendage did not constitute a violation of Godzilla's civil rights. Frustrated by the decision, Godzilla and attorney Melvin Belli destroyed Tokyo.
I'm just glad that, however they rule, the court's decision won't mean the end of the justices' free socialist government health insurance. Ya'd hate to see 'em suffer.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, June 28, 2012
Note: Yesterday's lottery was a rousing success for the community. Our thanks to the late Tessie Hutchison and the townsfolk for upholding our motto: "Lottery in June, corn be heavy soon."
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til A Capital Fourth in D.C.: 6
Days 'til the Cincinnati Pride Parade sponsored by Kroger: 2
Mitt Romney's positive and negative rating, respectively, in swing states: 30%, 41%
Percent of Americans who believe the economy is recovering: 51%
(NBC News/Wall Street Journal poll)
Minimum amount that Georgia has lost in fruit and vegetable sales since the passage of its 2011 anti-immigrant bill: $75 million
(Source: Harper's Index)
Number of pharmacy robberies in Maine in 2008 and 2011: 2 / 24
Number of pharmacy robberies in Maine in the first half of 2012: 23
(Source: WCSH News)
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
As usual, the Democrats have forty good issues on their side and want to run on thirty-nine of them. Here are three they should stick to:
1) Iraq is making terrorism worse; it’s a breeding ground. We need to extricate ourselves as soon as possible. We are not helping the Iraqis by staying.
2) Full public financing of campaigns so as to drive the moneylenders from the halls of Washington.
3) Single-payer health insurance.
Every Democrat I talk to is appalled at the sheer gutlessness and spinelessness of the Democratic performance. The party is still cringing at the thought of being called, ooh-ooh, “unpatriotic” by a bunch of rightwingers.
Take “unpatriotic” and shove it. How dare they do this to our country? “Unpatriotic”? These people have ruined the American military! Not to mention the economy, the middle class, and our reputation in the world.
---March, 2006
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Saved!!!
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CHEERS to Republicans for Obama. You wouldn’t think that Ohio Governor John Kasich would be a big fan of the president's, but it appears he's been stricken with an acute case of the Kum By Yahs. Earlier this year Kasich said that, when the state's economy improves, he'd be thrilled---thrilled!---to give Obama the credit. Well, Ohio's economy is improving---heck, the auto industry alone has added over 12,000 jobs. So thank you, Governor Kasich, for being so gracious by admitting that President Obama is fulfilling his pledge to help rescue America, including Ohio, from the horrors of the Great Bush Recession. To return your act of reality-based generosity, here's a bit of useful free advice: when you're forced to appear before Rush Limbaugh to apologize for saying something positive about Obama, wear a blast helmet.
CHEERS to sweet music. Tammy Duckworth is going to be a fantastic member of Congress when she defeats Joe "Deadbeat Dad" Walsh in Illinois' 8th District. One of Tammy's strongest backers is Joe Walsh…aka the guitarist for The Eagles aka "The Good Joe Walsh." Walsh is giving a concert for Tammy on July 1 in Schaumburg, and if you want ticket info (including a couple contests you can enter) just click here. The Joe Walsh who endorses Tammy Duckworth will be onstage playing the guitar. The Joe Walsh who opposes Tammy Duckworth will be offstage playing the world's smallest violin.
CHEERS to the other American revolution. On June 28, 1969, customers at a Greenwich Village gay bar---the Stonewall Inn---decided they'd had enough police harassment for one lifetime. So got mad as hell, they tipped over a police car, hurled some rocks and gave new life to the fledgling gay rights movement. And here we are, a mere (ha!) 43 years later, and those aging protestors in New York have finally been granted the right to take their fights where straight people have waged them for centuries: the institution of marriage. Mazel Tov.
CHEERS to the frumpy ol' Wolverine. Happy 78th Birthday to Senator Carl Levin, proud Democrat from the Great State Dictatorship of Michigan. Yeah, he's a politician and there's some stuff I don’t like about him…but I like him enough to love him. No doubt he'll get quite a few presents today, but yesterday he got Detroit one:
Just days after the city announced the layoffs of 164 Detroit firefighters, Michigan Sen. Carl Levin’s office announced this afternoon that the city was approved for a federal grant that could save most of those jobs. The city will receive a $22.5 million grant from the Department of Homeland Security’s Staffing for Adequate Fire and Emergency Response (SAFER) program. SAFER provides grants to fire departments nationwide to help ensure that local departments have the firefighters they need to protect their communities, Levin's office said in a statement.
“It is vital that we maintain the fire protection our citizens need, even during times of tight budgets,” Levin said in a statement. “This grant will help keep firefighters on the job and protecting the people of Detroit.”
But lest you think he's just a kindly Gepetto-like figure, let's not forget the verbal drubbing (not safe for work---my favorite kind) he gave a smug Goldman Sachs executive, during which he imparted a different lesson:
Sometimes a shitty deal is just a shitty deal. Amen. And many blessings on your camels.
CHEERS to cry-baby politics. Considering the low profile they're keeping, the Romney campaign sure is fucking up in front of the public a lot. Their latest instance of ineptitude concerns the recent Washington Post article about how Bain Capital under Romney was a "pioneer in outsourcing." Kinda made him look, um, dickish. But just as it was starting to cool off a bit, the Etch-A-Sketch campaign threw a delayed fit and demanded that the Post retract the story. Of course the paper backed its reporters 100 percent. (Facts are, after all, stubborn things.) So now Americans by the millions are hearing about it all over again. Only this time it's not just the story making headlines, but the phony tantrum over the story. Y'know, Romney may have more billionaire backers influencing the campaign than Obama, but Obama has a weapon that's turning out to be just as damaging to Romney: Romney.
CHEERS to Ol' Shortypants. James Madison, who at 5'4" holds the distinction of being the U.S. president with the lowest center of gravity, died in Montpelier, Virginia 176 years ago today. He was the chief architect of the United States Constitution, and he's no doubt rolling in his grave over the GOP's manhandling of it. The book Rating the Presidents (a survey of 700 historians) sums up his legacy as one of "courageous leadership as president, guided by the principles of the Constitution, which he played so large a part in framing. All Americans owe him a great debt of gratitude." Pay your respects here. But don't call him short. Hates it.
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Five years ago in C&J: June 28, 2007
CHEERS to the new kid across the pond. Gordon Brown is officially Britain's new prime minister. Before leaving office, Tony Blair expressed his full confidence in Brown. But we'll give him a chance, anyway.
JEERS to cruel and unusual candidates. Let me get this straight: Mitt Romney boxed up his Irish Setter, fastened it to the roof of his car, and then set out with the family on a Clark Griswold-like road trip? (At least the dog got revenge by "waxing" the car with diarrhea.) What I wouldn’t give to see a video of that show up on You Tube.
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And just one more…
JEERS to today's boring correction. Here we go again---another journalist gets caught in a bald-faced lie. For the record, Fox Business Network correspondent Charles Gasparino is not a Pulitzer nominee. The first clue that he was being dishonest: the words "Fox Business Network correspondent." Always a dead giveaway.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
“It’s funny, but when I read Cheers and Jeers myself, I was thinking, ‘I could eat a piece of chocolate cake right now.’”
---Dr. Kathleen Page
University of Southern California
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