Good Morning Kossacks and Welcome to Morning Open Thread (MOT)
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Astrology has been in use since ancient times, the positioning of the sun and moon and appearance of certain constellations served as an almanac for planting seasons. Nomads used the constellations for navigation, a practice used by many civilizations.
Horoscopes fall within the broader scope of Astrology and have been an intriguing part of world culture for centuries and some consider them a good method for predicting the future.
After thorough research I've located accurate horrorscopes for all my pals here and shared them so you all know how to act today, but first...a joke...
How many members of your sign does it take to change a light bulb?
Aries: Just one. You want to make something of it?
Taurus: One, but just "try" to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.
Gemini: Two, but the job never gets done - they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done!
Cancer: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grief process.
Leo: Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo to do the job for them while they're out.
Virgo: Approximately 1.0000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth.
Libra: Er, two. Or maybe one. No - on second thought, make that two. Is that okay with you?
Scorpio: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order.
Sagittarius: The sun is shining, the day is young and we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid light bulb?
Capricorn: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.
Aquarius: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so...
Pisces: Lightbulb? What lightbulb?
Here you go MOTlies...your Friday Horrorscopes:
Aries: (March 21 – April 19) -Someone will ask you what you want to do this weekend. That may seem like a good time to say "What am I, psychic?" It's not, though.
Taurus: (April 20 – May 20) - You should give your car a name, so people will be more impressed when you give them a ride. I think you should call yours "The Federation Starship Intrepid." And always do that little two-finger wave and say "engage", when you start off, of course.
Gemini (May 21 – June 21) -You’ve got the “Eye of the Tiger” . Unfortunately you also have the smell of the jungle. Avoid intimate encounters.
Cancer: (June 22 – July 22) - A man with a single eyebrow is following you. You haven't borrowed any money lately, I hope?
Leo: (July 23 – Aug. 22) - Songs on the radio will be amazingly relevant to your life. Avoid crying on freeways or at least move into the slow lane.
Virgo: (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22) - Inspiration will strike you, and leave you for dead. The police will do nothing.
Libra: (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22) - You will feel an odd compulsion to stack books, symmetrically, in the public library. Try to resist it.
Scorpio: (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21) -View mayonnaise with an incredibly critical eye today. Consider yourself warned. Some good stuff might happen to you today, but it won't matter if you don't take the advice on the mayo.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) - You will be traumatized by an episode with a stapler, today. You will be unable to even look at a stapler for several weeks, without trembling.
Capricorn: (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19) - Your computer is on the verge of a major witch fit. Stop clicking so much and back up data.
Aquarius: (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) - An old crush comes back and crushes you some more.
Pisces: (Feb. 19 – March 20) - Your full-o-crap meter is well-tuned and highly functioning. Today is a good day to cast judgment on others.