From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
They said "We DO!!!"
I'm guessing you heard that Barney Frank made a little history over the weekend when he became the first U.S. Congressman to marry his same-sex better half. The service uniting Barney and Mainer James Ready in matrimonial bliss took place in Newton, Massachusetts, and their vows were cleverly disguised to hide the ongoing gay plot to destroy the institution of marriage:
Gov. Deval Patrick, officiating: Barney and Jim: Do you promise to love each other and be each other’s best friend,
In sickness and in health,
In Congress or in retirement,
Whether the surf is up or the surf’s flat,
For richer or for poorer,
Under the Democrats or the Republicans,
Whether the slopes are powdery or icy,
Whether the book reviews are good or bad,
For better or for worse,
On MSNBC or on Fox,
For as long as you both shall live.
Barney and Jim answer: We do.
RING EXCHANGE
You'd expect Republicans in Congress to be opening investigations into this attempted gay takeover of the Legislative Branch. (Darrell Issa, where art thou??!) Or at least a Michele Bachmann-led "Pray away the gay" rally on the Capitol steps. But,
no…
[While some] Republicans have "privately" congratulated him, Frank says most of the GOP has ignored it, and he thinks that's a good thing because "there have been no negative comments. … The climate is changing and the opponents are realizing that the country is moving beyond them."
Meanwhile as the rest of the world woke up to the news,
joyous dancing broke out across the globe.
Cheers and lots of blenders from Bed, Bath & Beyond to the happy couple!
C & J starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Note: None of this would've happened if the nails ladies had listened to the billionaires' wives. Too late now!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Bastille Day: 3
Days 'til the 34th annual Mississippi Watermelon Festival: 9
Number of young adults who have benefited from Obamacare because they can stay on their parents' policies until age 26: 3.1 million
(Source: USA Today)
Average length of outages on the German power grid per year: 21 minutes
(Source: CNN)
Estimated number of terabytes the human brain can store: 100
Number of terabytes the average desktop computer can store: 1
(Source: Smithsonian)
Percent chance that the only electoral vote that matters is the 270th: 100%
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 181 (including 5 droughts and 2 goose girls gone wild). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Say hi to Portland, Maine's K-9 critters. (Another pic of new arrival Mako here.)
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CHEERS to having the grownups back in charge. Whew! It's official, if potentially temporary: from now until at least January, Wisconsin's Senate is now run by a Democratic majority. Memo to Governor Scott Walker: hope you enjoy ribbon cuttings, cuz that's all you'll be doing for the next six months. (Look for the pair of giant scissors out on the front porch. Our gift.)
JEERS to overlords behaving badly. I was just thinking the other day, "Thank god the proper authorities are protecting us from the scourges of tuberculosis and black lung." Little did I know that Florida's governor was keeping the lid on a record outbreak of tuberculosis that could spread even more. And little did I know that black lung was back, too, thanks to people who don’t mind seeing miners die slow and awful deaths:
The system for monitoring dust levels is tailor-made for cheating, and mining companies haven’t been shy about doing so. Meanwhile, regulators often have neglected to enforce even these porous rules. Again and again, attempts at reform have failed. … [M]iners have been breathing too much dust for years, but MSHA has issued relatively few violations and routinely allowed companies extra time to fix problems.
We have found the canaries in the coal mine...and they is us.
CHEERS to poll dancing. It's no surprise that Maine ain't exactly a swing state when it comes to federal races. Still, it’s good to have fresh numbers to affirm our blue-state status. The latest, released last night, come from a Portland Press Herald poll. Highlights:
Obama defeats Romney 49%-35%
Obama more trusted than Romney on health care 49%-36%
Obama more trusted on women's issues 55%-24%
Obama more trusted on national security 46%-31%
Obama tied with Romney on job creation 42%-42%
Also: our two Democratic congresscritters (Chellie Pingree down south and Mike Michaud up north) appear to be on fairly solid footing. And in the U.S. Senate race to replace Olympia Snowe, former independent governor Angus King (55%) is crushing Republican Charlie Summers (27%) and Democrat Cynthia Dill (7%). And when asked about our
idiot governor, voters sent a clear message: "I'm hanging up now."
CHEERS to "#6." On July 11, 1767, John Quincy Adams---who, despite historian Michele Bachmann's claim, was not a founding father---was born in Braintree, Massachusetts. His presidency was, oh, let's call it a mixed bag. But intellectually he was one of the sharpest pencils in the box, and he followed his White House stint with a glorious tenure in the House. Adams was also fanatical about that socialist Marxist concept known as "physical fitness," although it once got him in hot (read: cold) water. From Cormac O'Brien's book Secret Lives of the U.S. Presidents:
While president, he set time aside virtually every day for a swim in the Potomac---a preoccupation that nearly killed him when, upon rowing with a servant to the far shore with the intent of swimming back, a storm brewed. After their flimsy canoe filled with water and sank, the two only barely made it to the far shore. The servant set off in search of clothing, and JQA waited patiently, sitting naked on the riverbank.
In a strange way, that sounds like modern-day America: we're all sitting around naked on the riverbank, waiting for the Confidence Fairy to bring us our clothes so we can get back to work. Pay
your respects here. But not too loud---his dad's sleeping three feet away and he's cranky.
JEERS to staying on schedule. Marijuana is considered a "Schedule 1" drug, alongside such substances as heroin, LSD and ecstasy. The government Drug Enforcement Agency classifies it as such because it has---they say---no medicinal value. But now a government study begs to differ with the government:
While numerous prior studies have shown marijuana’s usefulness for a host of medical conditions, none have ever gone directly at the DEA’s placement of marijuana atop the schedule of controlled substances. This study, sponsored by the State of California and conducted at the University of California Center for Medicinal Cannabis Research, does precisely that, driving a stake into the heart of America’s continued war on marijuana users by calling the Schedule I placement simply “not accurate” and “not tenable.”
Don’t expect the feds to pay much mind, though. Weed is bad because weed is bad and also weed is bad, m'kay? But while we're waiting for the Godot of legalization to arrive, smoke 'em if you got 'em. (And don't forget to spritz the Glade.)
CHEERS to Great Moments in Sports. On this date in 1914, Babe Ruth debuted in the majors as a pitcher with the Boston Red Sox, and they ROCKED!!! Then they sold him to the (obligatory adjective alert: fucking) Yankees five years later, after which the "Curse of the Bambino" left the Sox Series-less for 86 years because they SUCKED!!! Then they won the Series in 2004 and again in 2007 and they ROCKED!!! And so far this season they've SUCKED!!! So, anyway. That happened.
P.S. last night the National League clobbered the American League in the All-Star game 8 to 0. Don’t get up…I already alerted the media.
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Five years ago in C&J: July 11, 2007
CHEERS to Frank Rich. After ticking off all the ways in which President Bush has lived his life according to the book Cowardice For Dummies, the New York Times columnist puts the Libby commutation into perspective:
No one can stop Mr. Bush from freeing a pathetic little fall guy like Scooter Libby. But only those who paid the ultimate price for the avoidable bungling of Iraq have the moral authority to pardon Mr. Bush.
That sound you hear from the barracks in Heaven: crickets.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to headwear that'll make certain heads explode. Oh, U.S. Olympic Fashion Committee…I [heart] you. Your Ralph Lauren-inspired uniforms for the American team at the 2012 games in London (16 days and counting!) are sharp and snappy and retro chic. And when our athletes proudly march into the stadium to cheers and applause, their noggins will be topped with a humble accessory known as the beret. Unintended consequence: the wingers are gonna freak out when they see that their beloved tricorn hat has lost its freedom to the French! For that reason alone we give the U.S. Olympic duds a perfect 10. Pure comedy gold.
Have a nice Wednesday. And remember: the President is distant and aloof. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
A woman in a blue chiffon dress poked her head out of a black Range Rover and yelled to an aide to Bill in Portland Maine: “Is there a C&J V.I.P. entrance? We are V.I.P.”
---The New York Times.
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