“Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our English dead.
In peace there’s nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility:
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger;”
Shakespeare, Henry V
I was my Mom’s caregiver for six years until her death on May 26, 2010. It was the hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life. As much as I miss her I am treasuring my life down here in North Carolina. I have a constant reminder of her with her cat Pixie. I am enjoying being able to live my life according to what I want to do. So why change?
I’ve had a couple of phone conversations in the last few days that has brought home to me that my life of independence is a temporary one. I am the only girl in a family with four boys. Two brothers are married and two are not. The two who are not are having health problems. One brother has severe diabetes and Multiple sclerosis. So far he is able to make it on his own but there will come a time when he will need a caregiver. The other brother is older then I am and he is having problems that may or may not be the beginning of Parkinson’s disease. In the course of conversations with both brothers I told them that if they needed a caregiver I would be the one to take care of them.
The worst thing about being a caregiver is that the end is certain. It will end in death. All the care you give, all the love you expend, all the hope and prayers that a miracle will happen will end in death. You go into care giving knowing that your heart will be broken. You are waging a war against illness that you cannot win. So why do it?
You become a caregiver because you cannot stand by and not do anything to help. You know it will be difficult. You will be exhausted. You will be in tears. At times you want to rage against life but you know that no one promised you a rose garden. You will know that at the end of the day that you did what your heart told you to do. The brain can give you every reason in the world not to do it but heart trumps head.
I am 64 now with C.O.P.D. and severe arthritis. It was hard being Mom’s caregiver and it will be even harder to take care of two brothers. My heart is telling my body that we will manage somehow. They are my brothers and I can’t refuse to try and help.
I will know now what to expect this time. I know that caregivers need help. I will be working in the time before I take up care giving again to help educate the public and the politicians to what care giving entails and to try and get us the help we need. Care giving is the most difficult job in the world and the most rewarding. Caregivers deserve to be recognized for what we do. We may follow our heart instead of our head but we need support too. That is my mission as I go once more into the breach.