Last night, by the way, we discussed a certain Republican nominee's gaffe-filled trip to London, or as they call gaffes in London, floggyqueefers. It's true, it's what they call gaffes in England.
Well, you can imagine how excited the Romney campaign must be to escape from our greatest ally, and head to Poland to reset Romney's foreign policy bonafides.
ZORAIDA SAMBOLIN, CNN (7/31/2012): And another hiccup for Mitt Romney's campaign this morning. The traveling press secretary for Romney, Rick Gorka, lost his cool and cursed at reporters near the tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Warsaw.
So how did the press secretary end up cursing at reporters near the tomb? What set him off?
7/31/2012:
NEW YORK TIMES: Governor Romney do you have a statement for the Palestinians?
WASHINGTON POST: What about your gaffes?
What about your gaffes? Sir, they're called floggyqueefers. "Do you have any new gaffes in the works, or nip-slips, or upskirts? Why did Kristen Stewart cheat on RPats? Answer the ques...!"
Wow. So apparently, the frustrated reporters were somewhat testing the line between questions and heckles. Release the Gorka!
7/31/2012:
RICK GORKA: Show some respect, Jim.
NEW YORK TIMES: We haven't had another chance to ask him questions.
RICK GORKA: Kiss my ass. This is a Holy site for the Polish people. Show some respect.
(shocked audience response)
"Have a little decorum, you cocksucking piece of shits! This is sacred motherfucking ground! Now why don't you and your friends go eat a dick? Gorka!"
God, this guy's cursing like a Filipino diplomat, I mean.... (wild audience applause at inside joke) I'm sorry, I stand corrected. A diplomat to the Philippines. Not a Filipino diplomat. My gaffe.
So, trouble in England for answering questions, trouble in Poland for ignoring questions, I believe there was a third country Romney visited in between the two. Hopefully, that will be a place where people aren't so overly sensitive, prone to complaining, or heckling. Let's see, where was it? Hmm.
STEVE DOOCY (7/30/2012): Mitt Romney visits Israel this weekend.
(in thick Jewish accent) It could be worse.
I'm excited to see how Romney screws the pooch on this one. What, will he open his speech with, "Greetings, future Mormons!" Or maybe just kept asking everyone in Israel where the rest of their baseball cap was. Or, ah....
MITT ROMNEY (7/29/2012): Israel's achievements are a wonder of the modern world. These achievements are a tribute to the resilience of the Israeli people.
Huh! That wasn't a gaffe. There was no insult to anybody there, no inelegant behavior on sacred ground. Romney's pulling it off!
MITT ROMNEY (7/29/2012): Your innovators and entrepreneurs have made the desert bloom, and have made for a better world.
OK, now you're just kissing ass. "And how delicious is tabouli? I mean, I can't believe you figured out how to make an edible salad that's mostly parsley and bulgur wheat."
MITT ROMNEY (7/29/2012): I'm particularly impressed with Israel's cutting-edge technologies and thriving economy.
"And your language is so beautiful. It sounds like an angel with throat cancer."
He did it! Romney screwed up in England, he screwed up in Poland, but the guy managed to head to Israel without saying or doing anything particularly offensive or horrible! Who knew?
MIKE BARNICLE, MSNBC (7/31/2012): Speaking at a fundraiser in Jerusalem Monday, Romney commented on the economic disparity between Israel and the surrounding Palestinian areas, saying, "you notice such a dramatically stark difference in economic vitality. ... Culture makes all the difference."
(in Max Smart voice) Missed it by that much.
So close! So Romney appears to be saying that the Palestinians are purely the architects of their own poverty. Or, if you prefer to look at the converse, that Jews are just culturally some money-making motherfuckers. Either way, muah! Mr. Romney doubled down.
MAX FOSTER, CNN (7/30/2012): This morning, he suggested Israel was more prosperous because it had the hand of providence.
Again! Romney appears to be saying that while Palestinian despair has its roots in their culture, God is also holding them down. Or, if you prefer to look at the converse, Israel's economic progress is evidence of the hand of providence. I'm going to assume that all the horrible shit that happened to the Jews prior to that was hand of providence's middle finger.
In case you believe Romney is singling out Israel and the Palestinians, he is not.
REPORTER (7/30/2012): "...you notice a dramatic stark difference in economic vitality," he said. "And that is also between other countries that are near or next to each other: Chile and Ecuador, Mexico and the United States. Culture makes all the difference."
You know, like Mississippi and New York. Romney 2012!
JON STEWART: For more, we turn to Senior International Culture Correspondent, Al Madrigal. He is in the West Bank. Al, thank you for joining us. Now Al, what is your take on Governor Romney's comments about these cultural differences?
AL MADRIGAL: He's absolutely right, Jon. I mean, it's gotta be the culture. Look a the way these Palestinians live. I mean, the house behind me looks like it's been hit by a bulldozer! Rubble everywhere! I mean, straighten up, people.
JON STEWART: You know, I'm not sure they're actually crazy about the rubble situation either.
AL MADRIGAL: Right, but a superior culture, like America or Israel, would see this rubble, and make rubble-ade. Some type of rubble-related businesses. Surplus rubble outlet store. I mean, produce some rubble-related TV shows. This Old Rubble. Flip This Rubble. Rubble Hunters, International. These guys are leaving shekels on the table! Look, I'd do it myself, but I'm Mesican. So as Governor Romney said, I just don't have the culture to pull it off.
JON STEWART: Have you by any chance, while you've been over in the West Bank, have you noticed any other factors, other than culture, that might have been contributing to less than healthy economic development there? It starts with an "O", perhaps?
AL MADRIGAL: Oh, yeah yeah yeah. The roads. It's like, they don't even understand what they're for. Roads are supposed to help you get to places. And Palestinians just throw walls up! I mean, it's like living in a maze! No wonder traffic's backed up for months!
JON STEWART: Yeah. (facepalm) Those are checkpoints.
AL MADRIGAL: Well, whatever they're called, the advanced cultures have a little something called EZ Pass.
JON STEWART: Yeah, I don't.... (audience applause) I don't think that's....
AL MADRIGAL: I don't remember stopping every 20 feet on the Jersey Turnpike and having a guy with a gun probin' me doo-dads. These people better get better culture, pronto.
JON STEWART: No, checkpoints are not a cultural preference of the Palestinians. The bullshit they have to go through on a day to day basis....
AL MADRIGAL: (whispers) Hey hey hey! Jon, kiss my ass, this is a holy site, all right? Show some respect! (audience applause) Show some respect and shut the fuck up!
JON STEWART: You shut the fuck up! You shut the fuck up!
AL MADRIGAL: No! You're not on a holy site! This is a holy site!
JON STEWART: Everything's a holy site over there! You shut the fuck up!
AL MADRIGAL: Jon, you shut the fuck up!
JON STEWART: You shut the fuck up!
AL MADRIGAL: Look, Jon, all I'm saying is this. Culture is the only explanation for why the Palestinians are less prosperous. How long have the Palestinians lived around here?
JON STEWART: I dunno, thousands of years.
AL MADRIGAL: Right! And they still don't even have their own country! All right? Israel's been around for 60 years, and counting Florida, they got two!
JON STEWART: Thank you Al. Al Madrigal, everybody. We'll be right back.
Dick Cheney and John McCain over him picking Sarah Palin as his VP candidate. Grab the popcorn.
Rick Gorka's outburst.
of his dressage training. He also announced his upcoming
, which will be on board the U.S.S. Intrepid!!