The front-page headline says:
Firm with ties to Iran paid Obama adviser $100,000
Me:
IRAN PAID OBAMA??!?
Washington Post: Come on, silly. We didn't say that! Just because we put the words together like that, "Iran paid Obama," doesn't mean that they actually paid the president. Tee-hee. But we gotcha thinkin' about it, didn't we? IRAN PAID OBAMA!! Hah! Just kidding!
Me: I better click through to the article. Surely, we'll learn more about how Iran paid Obama, or at least his advisor, $100,000:
Obama associate got $100,000 fee from affiliate of firm doing business with Iran
Me: Oh, wait ... So Obama wasn't paid by Iran?
Washington Post: Well, no.
Me: Was anyone paid by Iran?
Washington Post: Not really.
Me: Who made the payment?
Washington Post: Well, it was a local subsidiary of a group headquartered in South Africa, doing business in Nigeria, that once also had a contract with a phone company in Iran that is owned by their government.
Me: So they paid someone ...?
Washington Post: No. It was an affiliate of the subsidiary of the company who once had a contract to do business with an Iranian comapny ... The guy who runs the local post in Nigeria has a sister-in-law whose cousin, we heard, back in the 1950s, was once engaged to this Iranian guy ...
Me: And they paid Obama?
Washington Post: No, they once paid David Plouffe ...
Me: They bribed David Plouffe?
Washington Post: We didn't say that. All we know is that they once paid David Plouffe to speak in front of their executives ...
Me: Please clarify for me. Did Iran pay Obama? Did Iran pay anyone in the Obama campaign? Did anyone in the Obama campaign improperly accept money from anyone -- South African, Nigerian, Iranian, extra-terrestrial or otherwise?
Washington Post: Not really.
Me: Then why print the article? It doesn't have anything to do with Iran. It doesn't have to do with any campaign misbehavior. No laws were broken. Nothing suspicious happened. Nothing at all.
Washington Post: If you have to ask that question, you're not paying attention. Iran paid Obama! Hee-hee. Iran paid Obama!