Sometime back in these parts, a world traveler advertised a walking tour of the hills of South Asia. It was multicultural, exotic, vaguely spiritual and, except for airfare, not real expensive. That's a popular combination around here.
The organizer called a meeting of those who expressed interest, to tell them what they should do to prepare. There would be much climbing of hills on the hike, she said; so they should build their stamina before the tour.
A man asked, "How many miles a day should I bicycle to prepare?"
"Just climb hills," the guide said.
A woman asked, "How much time should I put in on my StairStep machine to get ready?"
"Climb hills," the guide said again. "To prepare to climb hills -- climb hills."
It was that simple. But simple or straightforward isn't always easy, or pleasant. And people prefer easy, even if it doesn't work.
We tell ourselves that the easy way will work if we just keep trying it -- and then we pay the consequences later. Unless somebody manages to convince us of the hard truth; which doesn't necessarily make him popular .
Congratulate me, I think I just summarized human history in 70 words or less.
The other day, my friend El Guapo gave me a large cardboard box of Easy Way. He didn't know it at the time, but that's what it was.
El Guapo works for a manufacturer of chewable candies, chewable vitamins, chewable practically-anything. But it's a contract manufacturer; it makes products to order for candy/vitamin companies that don't operate their own plants. New products come off the line all the time.
Anyway, on Employee Appreciation Day the company held a barbecue and put out pallets and pallets of chewable candies for the employees to take away. As much as they wanted. By the case if you liked; the candies were near their expiration dates.
El Guapo maybe took away more than he could eat. I tried some; they tasted a little weird to me. But I bummed a case off him anyway to put in the break room at work. They'll eat anything at work.
The name on the case was "Juice Plus," and it held four big packs of sweet chewable candies: one fruit flavor ("Orchard Blend") and one vegetable-flavored ("Garden Blend").
You heard it right: vegetable-flavored candies. But both the fruit- and vegetable candies taste odd -- think of a glass of V-8 vegetable juice spiked with sugar syrup. The candies are dark and glossy: dark red, dark green. They resemble rabbit droppings, jumbo size. And fresh.
They are supposed to be good for you. The candies are claimed to be full of fruit- and vegetable goodness and, its makers say, "the next best thing to fruits and vegetables." Or at least they used to say it, until the Better Business Bureau made them stop.
I have come to learn that some people pay $150 for the boxes that El Guapo's employer gave away off the loading dock. Juice Plus is a multi-level marketing scheme, and thousands of people have been convinced by a friend or neighbor (on commission) that a few of these sweet candies each day will substitute for fresh fruits and vegetables.
But you know -- they wanted to believe it. Because it's the easy way. Why cook and prepare fresh and healthy vegetables when you can just pop a few candies? Why even buy and eat frozen vegetables, which can be just as good as fresh? Just buy the family meal deal from KFC every night and pop a few veggie candies after, and you've covered all your bases.
But you haven't, according to Wikipedia. Juice Plus chewables are mainly candy: primarily sugar, with a little fruit or vegetable pulp and vitamins added. You will get very few of the thousands of natural compounds that you imbibe every time you tuck into a good salad. And much of what you do get from the pills won't be absorbed by your body.
Sometimes you have to laugh. Here where I live, in the middle of vegetable country with fields of fresh greens and berries and brussels sprouts butting up against the ciy limits, a plant makes dubious "vegetable substitutes" for people who want to be healthy but don't want vegetables.
And it's all a lie. The only way to eat your vegetables is to eat your vegetables. Just as the only way to build a strong country is to pay your taxes and spend the money for the benefit of all.
But there are always people who'll tell you otherwise. Pay close attention to the elections this year. Please.