From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE
[Blat Blat!!! Ahoooo-gah!!!]
>>> ATTENTION REPUBLICANS <<<
The National Waffler Service has issued a Mitt Romney Base Abandonment WATCH in the following area: the entire Republican ideological agenda...
A policy adviser to Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney said Sunday that the Republican activists who write and adhere to the party’s platform, and who will gather in Tampa this week to formally nominate Romney for president, will have “very little” purchase on a Romney presidency if the former Massachusetts governor is elected.
Avik Roy, a health care policy adviser to the Romney campaign, said the GOP platform — which includes provisions like a “human life amendment” to the Constitution that would ban abortions with no exceptions for rape, incest or to save the life of the mother — should not be considered a reflection of Romney’s personal views.
A Mitt Romney Base Abandonment Watch means that conditions are favorable for Mitt Romney to back away from his "severely conservative" positions---including the extremist wackadoo Puritanism on display in the Republican platform---by increasingly desperate leaps and bounds. This could especially affect the rabid, radical, racist and extremist part of the GOP base. Or, as it's better known: the GOP base.
The National Waffler Service team is working 24/7
to track potential Romney flip-flops.
Should an actual base abandonment occur, the appropriate warning will be issued. Please note that these conditions may be accompanied by additional damaging flip flops, memory lapses, gaffes, blunders, and bewilderment at the sight of everyday objects (including "cheesy grits" and "doughnuts").
Republicans who feel a sense of despair, disappointment, heartburn and/or outrage that Mitt Romney is the GOP nominee for president should understand that these feelings are normal and will never go away.
Republicans are urged to stay tuned to the National Waffler Service for updates, instructions, and links to the nearest online "Chris Christie in 2016" support shelter.
Now back to your regularly-scheduled blogging.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, August 27, 2012
Note: As a public service---the Weather Channel link is here, the National Hurricane Center link is here, and the Coolest Liquor Cabinet in the World link is here.
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By the Numbers:
Days until Jimmy Carter becomes the U.S. President with the longest post-presidency, beating Herbert Hoover's record of 31 years, 7 months, 17 days: 11
Days 'til the Hatch Valley Chile Festival in New Mexico: 5
Amount Congress earmarks for security at the national political conventions: $50 million each
Amount Republicans are spending on khaki security uniforms in Tampa: $534,000
(Source: USA Today)
Percent of Republicans who view Arab Americans favorably and unfavorably, respectively, in a new survey by the Arab American Institute: 33%, 48%
(Source: Salon.com)
Number of anti-abortion bills Paul Ryan has co-sponsored: 38
(Source: Bloomberg)
Percent chance that when a Republican running for office says "That's a debate I want to have," it really means "I have no intention of having that debate": 99%
(Source: BiPM Center for Behavioral Studies)
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NEW! "The President is Distant and Aloof and I Can PROVE it!"
I tell you the President is distant and aloof---here's proof!!!
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Three-legged spokesdog against bullying.
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The Apollo 11 Astronauts meet
with President Obama on the
40th anniversary of the mission
CHEERS to the guy who was into moon boots before being into moon boots was cool. Tang is being poured at half-glass this morning in honor of Neil Armstrong (or, as NBC News calls him,
Neil Young). Armstrong and I had an inseparable bond: born on the same date (Aug. 5), Ohioans, world-famous, boyish smile, extraordinary achievement, and most of all modesty. His passing is particularly sad for Ohio, a state freaky rich with pioneers of flight (Orville and Wilbur Wright, Eddie Rickenbacker, John Glenn, James Lovell, Armstrong and a cargo bay full of
other astronauts). Armstrong's "Small step/Giant leap" moment---which fulfilled JFK's vision to put a man on the moon by the end of the decade---was the ultimate example of reality meeting our wildest imagination and blowing our collective minds. His family's message for all of us is…well…
perfect:
"For those who may ask what they can do to honor Neil, we have a simple request. Honor his example of service, accomplishment and modesty, and the next time you walk outside on a clear night and see the moon smiling down at you, think of Neil Armstrong and give him a wink."
May he rest in peace.
JEERS to a soggy start. Hey, I don’t wish hurricanes on anyone, so I'm not engaging in any schadenfreude over the postponement of the Isaac-drenched GOP convention. But what can ya do? As they're sorting stuff out down there, please enjoy this lovely picture postcard, compliments of the DCCC Facebook page:
And have a nice day.
CHEERS to the Arm-Twister-in-Chief. Happy 104th birthday to #36, Lyndon Baines Johnson. Being a 1964 baby, I have no recollection of him myself (other than we got a day off from school when he died in 1973, and my mom scolded me for yelling "Yipee!"), but the 719 historians and political scientists surveyed for the book Rating the Presidents rank him 12th among the presidents, concluding that he was...
A mixed record
"A tragic figure," "A man of noble sentiments," and "a great political talent who overreached himself and his country." In ranking him in the top third of American presidents, they give him high praise for his domestic achievements, low marks for his Southeast Asia failure. "Great Society torpedoed by Vietnam," writes one participant. In the political skill category, Johnson is outranked only by Franklin Roosevelt and Lincoln.
As his press secretary, George Reedy wrote: "Of all his qualities...the most important was that he knew how to make our form of government work. That is an art that has been lost since his passing and we are suffering heavily as a result." Thankfully, one art that has also been lost is
picking up Fido by the ears. I'm bumping him down to 13th for that.
CHEERS to "Dis"-sention in the ranks. Two things have amazed me in the lead-up to the GOP convention: the organization and delegate-winning skills of Ron Paul supporters this year, and the length to which the Republican party leadership has gone to try and run 'em flat as a pancake with a steamroller. The latest act of theft happened here in Maine, where Ron Paul just lost half his delegates in an act so brazen that it caused our Teapublican governor to boycott the convention. And there's brewing talk of open rebellion against the country-clubbers who treated them like pesky gnats throughout the primary season. But let's pause and take a moment to reflect on just how kooky Ron Paul is. Last year during Hurricane Irene he said that the template for responding to natural disasters should mirror Galveston circa 1900:
After a lunch speech today, Ron Paul slammed the Federal Emergency Management Agency, or FEMA, and said that no national response to Hurricane Irene is necessary. “We should be like 1900; we should be like 1940, 1950, 1960,” Paul said. “I live on the gulf coast, we deal with hurricanes all the time. Galveston is in my district."
Rugged individualism! Except that, without modern warning and relief measures, the Galveston hurricane of 1900 killed around 12,000 people and left a gruesome scene as far as the eye could see. At the same time, though, Ron Paul's method of dealing with a natural disaster may have merit, too. After all, bake sale technology is way more sophisticated now.
JEERS to the Liar-in-Chief. Ahhh...fond memories: ten years ago---ten!---on August 27, 2002, George W. Bush had Saudi Prince Bandar bin Sultan over to his Crawford Ranch for a little brush-clearin', jerky chompin' and Iraq discussin':
And baby powder. We also had
to go to war over baby powder.
The meeting, however, failed to change Saudi Arabia's strong opposition to a military attack. ... "If the objective is to dismantle the weapons of mass destruction program, we could probably do that without going to war," Al-Jubeir said. "Why not use that option? Why do people want to risk the lives of tens of thousands of American men and women in uniform for an objective that can be achieved through negotiations?"
Oh, let’s see: to get our hands on cheap oil, to feed the military-industrial complex, to scare Americans into re-electing the macho Republicans, to bully the world, to get revenge on Saddam for "tryin' to kill mah daddeh," to
vanquish gog and magog, and to act out G.I. Joe fantasies aboard an aircraft carrier under a "Mission Accomplished" banner. Other than that, I'm drawin' a blank.
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Five years ago in C&J: August 27, 2007
CHEERS to the flight of the "Al"batross. This is how I look at the resignation of Attorney General Alberto Gonzales: y'know how sometimes your nose gets stuffed up, and you know that if you can just dislodge the booger that you know is clogging up the pipe you'll feel a lot better, so you start picking away at it and after five or ten minutes when it seems like all hope is lost your fingernail catches on a teeny little crusty booger hook, and you slowly pull your finger away and it's like a 4-inch booger and you think, "Holy cow!" and once it's finally out you can breathe a lot easier but you still feel physically and emotionally spent, but in a good way? Like that. [8/27/12 Update: I doubt we'll be seeing him at the Republican convention, either. Call it a hunch.]
JEERS to soul-crushing moments. And here I was, all set to join Ted Nugent and his merry band of machine gun-toting rebels. Now I find out that he avoided military service by deliberately wetting his pants and pooping in his drawers. Please don't let me down, Fred Thompson...you're the only hero I've got left.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to going Back-to-You-Know-Where. Y'all can throw erasers at me if you want, but I'm gonna say it anyway: for a lot of people today is the start of the 2012-2013 school year. To gently ease you into the scholastic grind, a few words from the classic flick Dazed and Confused (tag line: "It was the last day of school in 1976, a time they'd never forget...if only they could remember."):
Two digitus primuses UP!
Ms. Ginny Stroud: Okay guys, one more thing. This summer when you're being inundated with all this American bicentennial Fourth of July brouhaha, don't forget what you're celebrating, and that's the fact that a bunch of slave-owning, aristocratic, white males didn't want to pay their taxes.
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Slater: Behind every good man there is a woman, and that woman was Martha Washington, man. And every day George would come home, she would have a big fat bowl waiting for him, man, when he come in the door, man. She was a hip, hip, hip lady, man.
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Mike: I didn't think drugs and alcohol were such a big deal they had to resort to neo-McCarthyism to get rid of it.
Pink: I think they're just worried that some of us are having too good a time.
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Slater: Didja ever look at a dollar bill, man? There's some spooky shit goin' on there.
If you're school-bound soon, C&J hopes you get straight A's and that you go on to become very rich. Mainly because you'll be paying my Social Security, as I am paying for Mitt Romney's right now. Go kids!
Have a tolerable Monday. If you're in the path of Isaac, stay safe. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Bill in Portland Maine arrested after being found partying with lab monkeys
---Jonathan Turley
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