From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Tuesday + Haiku = Tueskudayhai!
Romney cracks a joke:
"Hey! Is the black prez Kenyan?
Ha! Tip your servers!"
Legitimate rape.
Really? Legitimate rape?
I mean, dude…REALLY???
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Sittin' in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
Paul and Ayn, I mean
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The wealth shifts upward
But then it trickles down, see?
More for your blind trust!
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Bin Laden is dead
The auto industry lives
An adult presides
Mom sips mimosa
Bless this bright and happy day!
School bus pulls away
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Note: As a public service---the Weather Channel link is here, and the National Hurricane Center link is here. If only Michael Brown was still head of FEMA instead of Craig Fugate, I wouldn't have this nagging feeling of impending competence.
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Stick a crowbar in our national wallet,
Republicans, and rebuild the dang dome!
By the Numbers:
Weeks 'til the general election:
10!!!!!!
Days 'til the 65th National
Hard Crab Derby in Crisfield, Maryland:
2
Amount being spent for 200 bicycles to be used for security purposes at the GOP convention:
$319,400
(Source: USA Today)
Estimated number of cracks and breaks in the U.S. Capitol dome, which House Republicans refuse to pay to fix:
1,300
(Source:
The New York Times)
Maine's current unemployment rate, up a tenth of a point and an indication that our Teapublican governor is failing to fulfill his #1 campaign promise:
7.6%
(Source: Labor Dept.)
Percent increase over the past 50 years in the number of hours U.S. college students spend working:
44%
Percent decrease in the hours they spent studying during that time:
59%
(Source: Harper's Index)
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
For the record pertaining to “legitimate” cases of rape, Akin is spot on. I can tell you I’ll bet the farm there are not 30,000 cases of pregnancy from “rape”. The left redefined “rape” to include any buyer’s remorse, any after-the-fact change of mind, etc. Tell me how the left, who dimminish actual rape cases by doing so, are not the evil bastards in this? This is yet another phony assumption the left uses to justify their bloodlust with infanticide. They are the monsters, not Todd Akin.
---Commenter ausonus at Gateway Pundit
All together now: 1…2…3…
Classy!
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Good Samaritans in Central Park
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CHEERS to proceeding with the pageant. After brushing Tampa yesterday, Tropical Storm Isaac set sail for New Orleans, allowing the GOP convention to ramp up today. The new schedule can be found here. Here's tonight's lineup:
Birther, Obstructionist, Birther, Obstructionist, Libertine Slayer, Token Female, Union Buster, Governor Ultrasound, another Union Buster, Foot-in-Mouth Man, "I Built This" Business Owner Who Actually Built It With Government Money And Services, Islamophobe, Thrower of Grandma Off The Cliff, Token Black, Vote Suppressor, Token Hispanic, Angry White Spouse, Large Arrogant Yeller-At-Constituents.
God grant me the serenity…
49 years ago, Martin Luther King Jr.
hosted a small gathering of friends
CHEERS to happy coincidences. Forty nine years ago today, on August 28, 1963, 200,000 people watched as Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his "I Have a Dream" speech (watch it
here) from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. Also, four years ago tomorrow Barack Obama echoed the words of King when he spoke of "the fierce urgency of now" to a packed stadium in Denver as the first African-American presidential nominee in the history of the universe. This for me is still the kicker:
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"I have a dream my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but the content of their character."
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Or as modern day Republicans call it (to their infinite shame): a nightmare.
P.S. Today is the 57th anniversary of the abduction and lynching of 14 year-old Emmett Till---which helped spark the civil rights movement in 1955. His original glass-topped casket (his remains were exhumed and re-buried in 2005) will go on display at the Smithsonian's Museum of African American History and Culture starting in 2015. We hope his killers---who confessed after they were acquitted and never showed remorse before they died in 1980 and 1994---are currently in the process of feeling a certain burning sensation for eternity.
JEERS to futile fuming. Bless 'em for trying, but the Maine Twins, Senators Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins are a day late and a dollar short. Woulda been nice if they'd made some noise about their party's war on women before it chose a vice presidential candidate who doesn’t believe that, when it comes to abortion bans, there should be exceptions for rape, incest and the friggin' health of the mother. So good luck getting anyone to listen at this stage:
"It seems like we've been thrown back decades into debates most everyday people think were settled years ago," Collins told Newsweek. "This doesn't mean we're disrespectful to people who hold a different point of view, but the platform seems designed to alienate a lot of moderate women. I don't get it."
Wow. All I can say to that is, I hope you enjoyed your four-year nap, Ms. Van Winkle.
Transcript of the '68 convention
CHEERS to history not repeating itself. On August 28, 1968, police and anti-war demonstrators made a giant clusterfuck of things
in the streets of Chicago as the Democratic National Convention nominated Hubert Humphrey. In the wake of the fracas all the parties came together and instituted a new rule that has served conventions well ever since: Decaf, Decaf, Decaf.
CHEERS to doling out the love. Wow---Joe Biden spoke at a fundraiser Sunday in Massachusetts and his words were eloquence writ large as he
praised the LGBT community:
“You are freeing the soul of the American people,” Biden said to loud applause during a stop in Provincetown, Mass., according to a pool report. … “If I had to use one adjective to describe this community it’d be courage," Biden said. "You have summoned the courage to speak out, to come out. We owe you.”
It's not easy to free a soul, by the way. I'm really not at liberty to discuss our trade secrets, but I can say this: the most important tool on your belt is the flyswatter.
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Five years ago in C&J: August 28, 2007
Not crosses
JEERS to faux pas by someone who should know better. First it was
"Five Deferments Dick" who said he was moved by the "crosses" at Arlington National Cemetery. Now Virginia Senator John Warner---a Korean War vet---rearranges the masonry
on Meet the Press:
You know, this president, I know him pretty well. It’s a privilege. I remember this Memorial Day, he invited me to go to the ceremonies at Arlington. My wife and I went up. We drove up in the car with him and drove back. And I sensed, as we passed those white crosses after he spoke up there and came back, he feels most sincerely the loss of our forces.
Yeah...all those crosses. Time to retire, Gramps?
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And just one more…
CHEERS to Minty freshness. "The new America the Beautiful State Quarter is here! The new America the Beautiful State Quarter is here!!!" The latest in the series gets its release this week, and represents the foreign and exotic land known as H'a'w'a'i'i' (sorry---I never know where to put the apostrophe so I always play it safe). In deference to the GOP convention, I've cleaned up the U.S. Mint's official description so modern-day Republicans can understand it:
"Gesundheit."
The Hawai'i Kenya Volcanoes National Park quarter is the fourth of 2012 and the 14th overall in the America the Beautiful FUCK YEAH! Quarters Program. Established in 1916, Hawai'i Kenya Volcanoes National Park displays the results of 70 million 6 thousand years of volcanism, migration and evolution Adam and Eve riding a dinosaur to and from Wal-Mart---processes that thrust a bare fully-clothed and chaste land up from the sea, creating unique ecosystems and a distinct human culture Christian supremacy. The Hawaiian Archipelago, located more than 2,000 miles from the nearest continental land mass glorious homeland, is the most geographically isolated group of islands on Earth. It was first established as a national site on August 1, 1916. The reverse design depicts an eruption on the east rift of Kilauea Volcano, capturing the magnificent beauty of the volcano God's wrath against Barack Obama and his America-killing communist welfare-loving [Wink Wink!] policies.
With the release of the quarter comes a special gift for Republican conventioneers in the form of a new surefire pickup line that'll soon be heard in strip clubs and seen on Craig's List postings throughut the Tampa area: "Hey, wanna see the volcanic eruption in my pants?" Smooth!
Have a relatively un-volcanic Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"There is something wrong with Bill in Portland Maine. I wouldn’t use the word "stupid," though it is tempting."
---Kathleen Parker
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