From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
C&J Blogathon, Day 2: They Hate Me! They Really Hate Me!
First off, thank you to everyone who made a donation---via the one-time option or the monthly subscriptions---to keep C&J a morning (and Friday afternoon) fixture here on the greatest blog in Blogger Land. Special shoutout to George Soros, for his contribution of fifty cents and a pack of gum. Can I woo my overlords or what??!
Here's another reason to consider a contribution: my brand of "humor" gives conservatives fits. Last week, for example, I joked that Team Obama-Biden would get a 20-point bounce. This was a silly response to the silly-but-serious Republican claims that their (romney)-RYAN ticket was poised for a 11-point bounce (I hope they enjoyed the 1.9 they got). Mine was an obvious exaggeration, a throwaway line. But that didn’t stop one of the most respected and agile conservative minds at the hugely-influential Newsbusters site from believing I was serious:
The left-wing hysteria over how well the Democratic Convention is going has completely overtaken the senses of bloggers scribbling at the Daily Kos. In his regular “Cheers and Jeers” blog, the gay activist and “booger of change” known as Bill in Portland, Maine can already see a massive polling bounce approaching.
Three points: 1) Anyone who knows me knows that the hysteria gene does not reside inside either me or my human host body, 2) I never said I was a booger of change. I said I was a "booger of change
conga-lining through the nasal passages of freedom," and 3) It's true---I scribble this column on a bar coaster and my orangutans enter and format it electronically.
But at least the influential conservative blogger guy's readers responded to his post about my post with class and intellectual finesse:
Bong this is not.
Water pipe it is.
This just shows how sick the Kos kommies truly are. The 2012 DNC has been nothing but a freak show put on by the lowet forms of life that exist in this country. Why the American people still vote to put these mentally ill, America-hating pervert scum into power at any level is beyond me.
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Whatever that idiot has been inhaling, it must be a pretty powerful hallucinogen.
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How much meth is this fool smoking?
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Someone's been hitting the old bong too hard.
Sure it's old. But it's a classic Yoda bong from 1980 and it'll always have a proud place on my mantle next to my tinfoil Pulitzers.
If you'd like to see me drive the far-right (aka the entire right) crazy with humor a three-year-old understands but they don't, please consider supporting C&J during our begathon blogathon:
One time contribution: click here.
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To help reach the goal as quickly as possible so I can stop bugging you for another year, there will be occasional fundraising posts from Kossack volunteers this week. Thanks for pitching in. Together you can help save C&J! And together
we can beat Mitt Romney 538 electoral votes to zero!!!
[Cue the exploding heads]
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Note: I'm thinking of filing a lawsuit against Clint Eastwood for emotional distress and psychological trauma. I can't sit in a room with empty chairs anymore without feeling like invisible people are staring at me (and, it goes without saying, undressing me with their invisible eyes). Should we go class-action on his ass?
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By the Numbers:
Weeks 'til the 2012 election as of today: 10 9 8
Days 'til the 23rd annual Mayberry Days in Mount Airy, North Carolina: 16
Obama-Romney standings in 7-11's "7-Election 2012" beverage cup vote: 59%-41%
(Source: 7-11 via Kossack varro)
Obama's current probability of victory in Florida and Ohio: 67%, 75%
(Source: Nate Silver via blue aardvark)
Number of people who have visited the World Trade Center Memorial so far: 4.5 million
Year the new One World Trade Center building will open: 2014
Square feet of office space in the building: 3 million
(Source: AP)
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
“Pres and Mrs Obama indicated their two daughters will attend Planned Parenthood’s ‘Sex Is Okay’ programs for teens and pre-teens. The president has asked HHS and the DOE to assist in the presentation……b/c the Obama’s want voters to know that govt has all the know-how necessary to achieve sexual pleasure, at any age… Malia, I don’t want my reputation as a fashion plate tarnished. I hope you choose the right color condom”
---A commenter at Free Republic
All together now: 1…2…3…
Classy!
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Puppy Pic of the Day: UK ad icon turns 40
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CHEERS to riches beyond measure. Woo hoo, it's back!!! Linda Lee is ramping up the annual Netroots Nation auction which starts next Wednesday, the 19th. Proceeds go to support the annual convention (San Jose next June) and the regional events throughout the year. If you can rustle up some items to donate, they'll love ya to pieces:
Only 282 days to go---
but do you know the way?
What makes the Annual Fall On-line Auction so much fun? It's when community members donate those unique items---art, jewelry, political collectibles, tickets to special events…what do you have to offer? Click here to donate. If you have any questions or need help uploading your item, don't hesitate to e-mail Karen Kolber at Karen [at] netrootsnation.org. She'll be happy to help you. And thank you so much for your continued participation. Looking forward to seeing what special item you donate!
I've been digging holes in our neighbor's back yard looking for something cool to put on the block. Any of you interested in a chunk of gas line?
JEERS to the 9/11 of 9/11s. And here we are once again. That day. That date. Ugh. But at least the guy who made it such a horrible moment in our national consciousness (Saddam Hussein, right?) finally met his fate in the raid of the century. A few questions I still ask myself from time to time:
Rising like a middle-finger
salute to al Qaeda
When Glenn Beck---one of the most respected figures in the Republican party---said, "When I see a 9/11 victim family on television, or whatever, I'm just like, 'Oh shut up!' I'm so sick of them because they're always complaining," why wasn't he banished into obscurity?
When Ann Coulter---one of the most respected figures in the Republican party---said, "These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by grief-arazzis. I've never seen people enjoying their husbands' deaths so much," why wasn't she banished into obscurity?
When Jerry Falwell got on TV with Pat Robertson and said, "I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen'," why weren't they defrocked and shunned for the rest of their lives?
We'll never know. But in contrast to their toxicity, today there's a
very cool addition to the skyline going up that'll soon become an iconic fixture in American pop culture. (Paging King Kong: please report to the makeup chair.)
CHEERS to great moments in music. On September 11, 1962, The Beatles recorded their first singles for EMI, including the ditty "Love Me Do." Or as it's called today, the hairdressers' national anthem.
CHEERS to a pleasant gathering of not-bigots. On Maine's ballot eight weeks from today will be a question asking the fair-minded citizenry if they'd mind if same-sex couples have the legal right to apply for a marriage license. You may recall we lost a similar vote three years ago in an off-off-off election year. But this is a presidential year (read: 70%+ voter turnout) so it'll be a more accurate reflection of the state's approve/disapprove level on the issue. Yesterday, the pro-equality forces kicked off their campaign with a rally on the steps of Portland City Hall:
Will Mainers hear same-sex
wedding bells this November?
More than 200 people gathered for the rally, waving signs and listening as gay-marriage supporters spoke about why they want Maine to be the first state to pass a ballot initiative on gay marriage. … At Monday's rally, retired Episcopal Rev. Will Brewster said he and his wife began to support gay marriage after their son told them he is gay. "No parent dreams about their child entering into a domestic partnership," he said. "We dream about them being married."
I still hate the notion of letting my neighbors decide whether or not my partner Michael and my constitutional right to equal protection is ducky with them. It's not their call, it's the Judicial branch's. But as I've been told repeatedly, if we go after our rights on multiple fronts, by all means at our disposal, the big picture will change faster than if we don't. But I sure as shit am not looking forward to another onslaught of lying ads from the opposition---the Mormon and Catholic churches covertly via the National Organization for Marriage---claiming we're only doing this to corrupt their children. Which, of course, is total bunk. We're just trying to get them to stop mixing stripes and plaids.
JEERS to false advertising. BP has been running an endless series of ads gushing over how swell things are in the Gulf states. "It's all cleaned up," they say. "The Deepwater Horizon gusher is a distant memory! C'mon on down and try our one-eyed shrimp---or, as we call 'em, pirate shrimp, arrrrr!" And then…pop goes their fantasy:
Waves from Hurricane Isaac uncovered oil previously buried along Gulf Coast beaches, exposing crude that wasn't cleaned up after the BP spill in 2010. Since Isaac made landfall more than a week ago, the water from the storm has receded and tar balls and oil have been reported on shores in Alabama and Louisiana, where officials closed a 13-mile stretch of beach [last] Tuesday.
Rinse, re-up the ad buy, repeat.
CHEERS to another bad guy gone. Yup, you guessed it: the Yemeni government nailed another "#2" among the al Qaeda leadership there. This time it was Said al-Shehri, who is…er, was…Deputy Regional Head of their Yemen branch office. Taking his place will be Gladys in al Qaeda's accounting department. And don’t think for a second she's happy about having that heaped on her desk. Life is unfair.
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Five years ago in C&J: September 11, 2007
CHEERS to John and Jane Q. Public. A USA Today/Gallup poll shows that 60 percent of your neighbors want Congress to establish a timetable for withdrawal from Iraq...and stick to it no matter what happens. Your assignment: find the 40 percent that don’t and check their pulse.
JEERS to Cecil B. bin Laden. Osama has turned into a veritable video factory lately. Following up on last week's screed, in which he sounded like a vitriolic righty blogger, today he released another one that apparently uses modern editing techniques. But the showbiz life may end up devouring the despot. We hear he spends most of his time in his trailer snorting blow. [9/11/12 Update: He don’t make videos no more. We hear he's too busy dodging the shoes of his virgins in the afterlife.]
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And just one more…
Happy Birthday, punk.
CHEERS to a bright spot on an otherwise tragic date. Happy Birthday to Markos Moulitsas Zuniga. The iron-fisted ruler of the Great Orange Satan turns 41 today. Many blessings on your camels, sir. On behalf of the C&J community, I got him the usual gifts: new star pin for his Che beret, new jackboots, and a renewal of his subscription to
Popular Hispanic Hippie Commie Pinko Socialist Libtard Moonbat Vegetarian Cyclists Monthly. It's the least we could do. (Oh, and for the next 15 hours, I promise to suspend my ongoing attempt to overthrow you.)
Have a Tuper Tuesday whatever that means! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
“Listen to that Bill in Portland Maine bloviatin’/Bloviatin’ like he’s gonna sweep my world away.”
---Bob Dylan
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