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Willard Mittens Thurston Lovey Romney, the acclaimed comedian and failing Presidential candidate, is said to be polishing the biting wit that has already made his name a word.

According to The New York Times (hat-tip to Jed Lewison), "Mr. Romney’s team has...equipped him with a series of zingers that he has memorized and has been practicing on aides since August."

Yes, sirree, that should fix things. With a few highly-polished 'zingers', The Pain from Bain will go from being a clueless, jargon-spouting Wall St. vandal whose dancing horse is a $75,000 tax write-off to being the Second Coming of Rodney Dangerfield.

As America roars with delighted laughter and President Obama grinds his teeth in frustration, a new political dynamic will take shape: the voting public, in a blinding flash of clarity, will realize that what they really, really want is a President who can deliver rehearsed 'zingers'.


Assuming that the 'zinger' story is true and Romney really is stupid enough to think that the Presidential Debates are just open-mike night at The Comedy Store writ large, here's what I think is actually going to happen:

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