I have to admit, a lot of things about Jerry Sandusky's 40-year rampage of child abuse hit a personal nerve with me. That's because I was hoodwinked into marrying someone who had dared to lay a hand on her own child--and used me to hide her debauched history.
Back on Independence Day 2006, the daughter of a woman rooming with us got mouthy at a cookout. When we got home, my then-wife gave her an earful about it. The girl yelled back--and then I heard a noise, like someone being hit. I asked my wife several times if she'd hit the girl--and she couldn't give me a straight answer. I was uncomfortable enough that I almost left her the next day (I'd been searching for a way to leave her for some time), but in the end, decided against it since I hadn't actually seen her and I didn't feel comfortable reporting it.
A month later, I finally left her after being beaten up by my wife's son. At my mother's suggestion, I got the divorce papers from her first marriage. My mom had seen a lot in the way my ex acted that made her wonder if she was still legally married to her first husband. I was prepared to find out that she'd lied to me about being divorced. What I discovered was much worse. Her then-husband had reported seeing her hitting her son in the head out of anger several times. She never even responded. There is no way, no how that any normal mother would let something like that go unanswered.
This discovery was horrifying on several fronts. Not just the obvious one--that in all likelihood, that woman had actually hit the girl. It also meant that our entire relationship, from our whirlwind courtship over a few months in 2002 and 2003 up to the time I left her, had been a lie from the very beginning. My ex had claimed that her kids had been taken from her after her sister murdered her youngest son. But after reading those divorce papers, it was obvious there had been a lot more to it than that. It also meant that her claim to have been abused and mistreated by the other guys she'd been with was, in all likelihood, a lie. She'd claimed a stable relationship would make it more likely she'd get them back--but now I realize she was using me to snow people into thinking she'd changed.
I can tolerate a lot of things. But there is no way, no how I would ever share a bed with someone who would dare lay a hand on her own kids. If I had known this beforehand, I not only would have broken off the engagement, but would have told Child Protective Services in Napa County (where she was from) that this woman had no business being around kids. It took me a long, long time to forgive myself--I had to remind myself that there is usually no reason to think someone would lie about being abused.
It's because of this that I have no sympathy for Mike McQueary. Unlike me, McQueary actually saw Sandusky molesting that kid in the shower. I can understand his initial reluctance to report it. After all, here's a guy he grew up idolizing, and now he sees him acting in such a debauched manner. To put this in prospective, if I'd seen Dean Smith's successor, Bill Guthridge, acting like this while he was still Smith's top assistant, I'd be just as shaken. After all, Guthridge was just as revered here in North Carolina as Sandusky was in Pennsylvania. But to not go to the police after it was apparent nobody higher up was going to do so? Inexcusable. Unlike me, McQueary actually saw it happen.
It's also why Jerry and Dottie Sandusky's letters to Judge Cleland hit a raw nerve with me. Here's a guy who left these kids' lives and psyches in a shambles, and he tries to claim that he's a victim somehow? And Dottie claims that Matt Sandusky only came forward saying he'd been molested too only because he was off his meds. Just like my ex, these are some sick, sick, sick puppies who have no business being in the same area code as a child. Ever.