The Republicans keep calling me. But they never call me by my right name. More below the orange Rohrshach test.
For the last eight years, every (live) Republican caller to my phone has called me by somebody else's name. Every one. Not one has ever known who I was. I keep explaining the situation to them. They keep promising to update the list.
It never happens. The next call comes in and--well, sorry, no, that person does not live here.
I admit, my situation has offered opportunities for the keepers of lists and sellers of data to make mistakes. First, a phone company changed my first name for me and put it in the phone book. My dad started asking "Who's Kevin?" whenever I called and he picked up the caller ID phone. I got the company to change it back, but you'd be surprised how long bad data stays around. (Years later, another phone company made the exact same stupid mistake. Now I just claim to have an evil twin.) Then I moved to Texas to go to school and got a phone number with the last four digits of "1234." It was easy to remember, but a lot of people would slip on the buttons when they called local time and temperature, so there were a lot of early mornings when the phone would ring and I'd come up with some nonsense answer for the local weather.
Then, when I moved back, I ended up keeping the phone number for the house I moved into (it was a church parsonage)...which meant I would get a lot of phone calls for the previous pastor: Shirley. Is Shirley there? Can Shirley come to the phone? What do you mean Shirley hasn't lived here for four years? Shirley responded to our call for donations last year! She didn't? She couldn't? And so on. Gradually these trailed off to just two types of calls: The phone banks of the various Benevolent/Protective/Supportive Friends and Family of All the Possible Police Units in Your Locality and...the Republican Party. Yes, that's right. The R's acted exactly like a phone scam operation. They would deny my right to answer the phone, they would insist that Shirley gave last year to the cause in response to the call campaign, they would be apologetic and would promise to make sure that the number was removed from their list. And they would belittle my attempts to prove that I myself was not Shirley.
For all the six years I lived in that house, answered that phone, and fought back, the Republican Party--national, state, and local--never called me by my name. They didn't even call me "Kevin"!
Now I've moved again, out of state. We thought we were getting a new, unused number. Instead, my wife and I have discovered that the number was recycled and had been used by several people over the years. No--we're not Stoney, Wilma, or about three other names that have come up. We've sighed--we're experienced at this game and we know how long it will take for the mistakes to trickle away.
But yesterday the Republicans called again, not a robo-call but a live human being. And she said, "Is this the Brandt residence?" I said no. This was, in fact, a name we'd never heard of before. Her response? "Are you sure?" I replied that my parents were absolutely sure about this when they named me. She was unamused. "So, can Mitt Romney count on your support?" I said, "Wait a minute--I just told you that you've got the wrong person." "It doesn't matter," she replied. "It's just for a poll."
So I gave her the answer. "No," I said. She wanted to know why not.
I paused a moment. I thought about the prospect of an economy sold out to the highest bidder for the least pay. I thought about the prospect of a guy wanting to invade Iran through its sea approaches via Syria. But I knew neither of these would be persuasive. In fact, I knew the response I gave wouldn't be persuasive either, but it needed to be said. I told her, "I can't support the Republican Party in any way shape or form because for nine years now the Republicans have never called me be my name and the Democrats have only gotten it wrong once."
There it was, as simple as that.
And she hung up on me.
I got to thinking about it. It's true: one hapless Democratic Party caller called me by my evil twin false name once, just once, in nine years. They never called me "Shirley" or any of the host of other names, including one "Mr. Temperature." That Democrat apologized, asked for the correct spelling and pronunciation of my name, and promised that the change would be made. And it was. Even after this latest move, they found me.
Now I've maintained databases over the years and I know how hard it can be to keep address and phone info accurate. But I also know that it can be done--if you care. Republicans don't. I'm just a checkmark on their list, a tick on their tally, an item for their quota. So they're wrong--what does that matter? Making corrections is hard! It's complicated! Maybe it's even prohibited in the Bible; I'm a liberal preacher, so what do I know?
Still, these are people asking me to put them in power in the government. I don't know that the volunteer or staffer who called me expects a position should their guy get voted in, but the people who maintain the lists do expect influence, at the very least. It's troubling that they cannot take the time to find out something accurate.
I know, in the grand scheme of things this is a little thing. But I think it's telling. They don't care to know me. So I don't trust them. Simple as that.