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A hangover is alcohol's way of making fun of you for not being able to afford the good drugs.

If corporations are people then they should also be classified as cannibals.

A new study suggests that the leading cause of alcoholism is harsh reality.

Slow and steady wins the race, unless it's one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed.

I've come to the conclusion that people don't automatically think what I would think when presented with a set of words. It's strange.

My new job requires a drug test. I'm pretty confident because I haven't tried a drug I couldn't handle.

I don't fear death. I fear all that painful fucked up shit that happens right before death.

Sometimes delusion is easier.

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