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If read one more article about “why Romney lost” I am going to pass out. I turned it into a drinking game and so far I have gone through two bottles of Captain Morgan. In fact, I haven’t stopped drinking since Karl Rove shat his drawers over Ohio.

I’m kidding of course…about the drinking not about Karl Rove.

Nevertheless, yesterday was New Year Day. I wanted to go outside and blow a horn and light some fireworks. What I did end up doing though was much much more entertaining and far more fun. I tuned in to FOX radio.

Oh man. There is nothing better in this world than listening to the sound of pure shock and disbelief going out into deep space for all eternity. It was beautiful. There was John “white people, make more babies!” Gibson, Brian “we keep marrying other species and other ethnics” Kilmeade and Tom “not popular enough to have his quotes archived” Sullivan all trying their hardest to come up some kind of explanation for this gigantic loss. A billion dollars later and things are pretty much where they were the day before.

So what was the excuse? In the early morning it was Hurricane Sandy. You remember the hurricane, right? That big storm from last week? Look it up.

Anyway, Kilmeade went with the narrative that Obama won because people voted based on his response to the storm. To that, Kilmeade said: America is ‘the shallowest country in the history of man’.

Later in the day Ann “If you don’t run Chris Christie then Romney will be the nominee and will lose” Coulter said that is was basically the moocher class who were the reason for Obama’s win. She said: “We have more takers than makers and it’s over. There is no hope.”

It went on like this all day and it was great. One moment Romney was claiming he cared for 100% of the electorate and the next his very same republican party was on the radio reminding 50.5% of us why we voted for Obama.

Perhaps the favorite part of my day was when I read this:

From CBS News: Romney was stoic as he talked to the president, an aide said, but his wife Ann cried. Running mate Paul Ryan seemed genuinely shocked, the adviser said. Ryan’s wife Janna also was shaken and cried softly.

Is that a great description or what? I mean, who can read that and not picture the dumb look of shock on Paul Ryans face or Ann Romney with her face in her hands crying softly while Mitt is trying to  take in what is happening around him. He is realizing that he will never, ever be President of the United States. He feels sick, the color leaving his face. He thinks of his father and how disappointed he would be seeing his son lose so badly. Listening to his wife crying was probably so hard for Mitt to deal with too. It must have been like a funeral backstage.

Do I sound heartless? Cold? Normally, on any other day and for most any other person I would feel empathy and want to tell them that it will all be ok. But not today! Today, I want to tell Mitt and his wife to stop their whining and go back to Utah or wherever the fuck they reside and stay there for a good long while. America has shown you the door and we don’t even care if it hits you on the way out. Good riddance to you, your wife, Paul Ryan and those children of the corn kids of yours. Go back to your mansions and your car elevator and your hidden tax returns and your cayman island and swiss bank accounts. America is quite done with you. Good day, sir. I said good day! And that goes for your wife and that eddie munster looking running mate of yours.

I am also pleased to say that Mitt Romney’s career in politics is finally over! I have waiting many years to say that, ever since he won the Governorship in Massachusetts. I am especially thrilled to say it now after his long and expensive attempt at the presidency has come to a humiliating end. Most importantly, we must remember too that this is not just his loss. This is also a loss for Ted Nugent and Meatloaf and Kid Rock and every other has-been, right wing, tea party nut who has ever thought that rape was God’s gift to woman and who has ever shot a gun.

America, today ia a great day to gloat. Tomorrow I will be a caring person once again, but today it really doesn’t get any sweeter than this.

Read more at my blog:

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