Now that you've pushed your tryptophan-besotted self away from the Thanksgiving table and headed out to create the Perfect Christmas or holiday of your preference for your unappreciative family and friends, it's clear: this time of year is a real drag.
As always, you can find some limited respite in the absurdity of doggerel, making light of the countless soul-sucking elements of the holiday season. It's a daunting endeavor to cover everything, so here's where you - already overburdened - come in: by adding your own nightmarish nuggets, in poetical form (if you can manage it) in the comments section.
A is for Apple; their prices are high
(Not counting the folks at the plant site who'll die)
B for Black Friday, well, Thursday for some
They camp out for days 'til they're frozen and numb
C is for carols that blare through the mall
Beginning each year at the start of the fall
D, decorations, don't let down your street
Just use all the funds you were saving for heat
E for the East where a star lit the way
The Wise Men would prob'ly use Garmin today
F for Fox News: War on Christmas! they cry
We're under assault! Lib'rals hate Jesus! Why???!
G is for gift cards; they're no fun to give
But that's how American teenagers live
H for the homeless; while we spend spend spend
Their lives are a struggle, beginning to end
I for the icing on cookies and cakes
And other verboten food grandma still bakes
J is for Jesus: remember his birth
He'd do a face palm if he came back to Earth
K for Kris Kringle or jolly Saint Nick
And kids who believe in that Christmassy schtick
L for the letters some people still send
Extolling achievements to each family friend
M for the manger out on the town green
The litigants argue, creating a scene
N, the North Pole, elves at work night and day
Alas, global warming has washed them away
O, on-line shopping, just click on this site
Your stuff will be pulled, wrapped, and shipped by tonight
P for the parties; too much food and booze
Then off to the gym: you've got more pounds to lose
Q is for quiet, elusive for sure
With loud TV ads, your "mute" button's the cure
R for regifting that icky fruitcake
The one thing your trash pick-up people won't take
S for the sales where you buy useless stuff
Then head back for more; once is never enough
T is for travel, your in-laws await
There's still time to cancel; it isn't too late
U, unemployed? That's a bummer, too bad
You gotta buy gifts so your kids won't be sad
V is for Visa, already maxed out
And MasterCard, Amex, Discover, no doubt
W is for Walmart where corporate greed
Leaves workers on food stamps and living in need
X is for Xmas cards: still not addressed?
Get cracking! Those people don't care if you're stressed!
Y, yesteryear, back when Christmas was fun
Today, it's a nightmare of tasks to get done
Z for the zzzzs that you'll miss as you strive
To keep "perfect Christmas" traditions alive
Now it's your turn: add your traumas and fears
A journey to Walmart or Target or Sears?
Identity theft at some big on-line site?
Or crying alone on a cold winter's night?
Whatever is keeping you mired in dread
Just write it down here! Get it out of your head!
We're in this together; don't go it alone!
I've added my thoughts; let's see some of your own!