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After a few months of intensive market research and focus grouping, Republicans concluded that their message, not their policies, was responsible for the party's losses in the November elections, and decided to undertake a major rebranding campaign.

Leading these efforts are hip-hop savior Marco Rubio, top Jew Eric Cantor, and Karl Rove—whose new scam, the Conservative Victory Project, aims to function like the female body by shutting that whole "rape" thing down.

Although it's too soon to tell whether they will ultimately be successful, the early signs are not exactly encouraging.

Luckily for them, über-pundit Dick Morris is sitting on the sidelines, ready to lend a helping hand (or foot).

Morning lineup:

Meet the Press: House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA); Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL); Roundtable: California Lt. Gov. Gavin Newsom (D), Atlanta Mayor Kasim Reed (D), Peggy Noonan (Wall Street Journal), GOP Strategist Mike Murphy and Michael Isikoff (NBC News).

Face the Nation: Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC); Sen. Jack Reed (D-RI); Rep. Mike Rogers (R-MI); David Leonhardt (New York Times); Kevin Merida (Washington Post); Roundtable: Former Rep. Jane Harman (D-CA), Jim Lewis (Center for Strategic and International Studies) and Bob Orr (CBS News);

This Week: Rep. Tom Cole (R-OK); Rep. Keith Ellison (D-MN); Republican Strategist Nicolle Wallace; Obama Deputy Campaign Manager Stephanie Cutter; Jonathan Karl (ABC News); Martha Raddatz (ABC News).

Fox News Sunday: House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA); Sen. John McCain (R-AZ); Roundtable: Bill Kristol (Weekly Standard), Liz Marlantes (Christian Science Monitor), Rep. Tom Cotton (R-AR) and Juan Williams (Fox News).

State of the Union: Former Defense Secretary Robert Gates; Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY); Sen. Angus King (I-ME); Rep. Jan Schakowsky (D-IL); Former Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-TX); Amy Walter (Cook Political Report); Jim Acosta (CNN); Reliable Sources: Lauren Ashburn (Daily-Download.com); Ryan Lizza (The New Yorker); George Washington University's Prof. Steve Roberts; Sarah Lacy (PandoDaily.com); Lifestyle Expert Mario Armstrong; Culture Commentator Lola Ogunnaike; Maureen O'Connor (New York Magazine).

The Chris Matthews Show: Joe Klein (TIME); David Ignatius (Washington Post); Elisabeth Bumiller (New York Times); Gloria Borger (CNN).

Fareed Zakaria GPS: Paul Krugman (New York Times); Arianna Huffington (Huffington Post); Former Partner at Bain Capital Ed Conard; Real Estate Magnate Mort Zuckerman; India's Richest Man Mukesh Ambani.

Up with Chris Hayes: Paul Krugman (New York Times); Jeremy Scahill (The Nation); NYU Law School Prof. Richard Epstein; Author Greg Johnsen; Heather Mchee (Demos); Hina Shamsi (ACLU); Dean Baker (Center for Economic & Policy Research); "Occupy Wall Street" Activist Alexis Goldstein.

Evening lineup:

60 Minutes will feature: an interview with three of the five Americans who survived the al Qaeda attack on an Algerian natural gas facility that resulted in the deaths of 37 foreign workers (preview); a report on the accuracy of the credit reports that American consumers rely on for credit cards and loans (preview); and, an exploration of the character of Lincoln, the president and the man, as seen through the eyes of the team that made the 12-time Oscar nominated film "Lincoln" (preview).

On Comedy Central...

Jon Stewart weighed in on the GOP's "language errors."

The Daily Show

Monday: George Stephanopoulos (ABC News)

Tuesday: Former MLB All-Star Mike Piazza

Wednesday: Member of Afganistan Parliament Fawzia Koofi

Thursday: US Ambassador to the United Nations Susan Rice

And Stephen Colbert offered advice to the Republicans running against his sister in South Carolina's special House election.

The Colbert Report

Monday: Author Gary Willis

Tuesday: Roger Hodge (Oxford Magazine)

Wednesday: Musician/Documentary Filmmaker Dave Grohl

Thursday: California Lt. Gov. Gavin Newsom (D)

Elsewhere...

Donald Tump took Bill Maher to court, alleging that the comedian welched on a bet.

The cheap joke that is Donald Trump has somehow become cheaper: The real estate mogul yesterday filed a $5 million lawsuit against Bill Maher, after the television host failed to fulfill his end of a deal asking Trump to prove he is not a "spawn of an orangutan."

Maher made the bet on Jay Leno's show, very obviously mocking Donald Trump's non-announcement announcement in October, in which the birther promised to donate $5 million to a charity of Obama’s choice upon the release of the president’s college transcripts. [...]

Everyone was in on the joke except for Trump, who amazingly became the joke of the joke (of the joke). He offered up his birth certificate to prove that he was not, in fact, the son of an orangutan: "Attached hereto is a copy of Mr. Trump's birth certificate, demonstrating that he is the son of Fred Trump, not an orangutan."

Maher responded to the lawsuit on Friday's edition of "Real Time" by questioning the validity of the short-form birth certificate Trump released.

Meanwhile...

Former Rep. Ron Paul incurred the wrath of his online fanboys by filing an international copyright complaint against them with a United Nations-affiliated agency.

Ron Paul has filed a complaint with the World Intellectual Property Organization against the proprietors of RonPaul.com and RonPaul.org, according to a blog post on their site on Friday.

The authors of RonPaul.com see the move as the ultimate betrayal from a politician who, more than many others, depended on an astounding level of grassroots support on the Internet in order to keep his longshot presidential campaigns running. [...]

Back in 2007 we put our lives on hold for you, Ron, and we invested close to 10,000 hours of tears, sweat and hard work into this site at great personal sacrifice. We helped raise millions of dollars for you, we spread your message of liberty as far and wide as we possibly could, and we went out of our way to defend you against the unjustified attacks by your opponents. Now that your campaigns are over and you no longer need us, you want to take it all away – and send us off to a UN tribunal?

And, in other Libertarian news...

An Idaho state Senator proposed requiring high school students to read "Atlas Shrugged" in order to graduate.

Coeur d'Alene Sen. John Goedde, chairman of the Idaho Senate's Education Committee, introduced legislation Tuesday to require every Idaho high school student to read Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged" and pass a test on it to graduate from high school.

When Sen. Bob Nonini, R-Coeur d'Alene, asked Goedde why he chose that particular book, Goedde said to laughter, "That book made my son a Republican."

Goedde said he doesn’t plan to press forward with the bill, but it was formally introduced in his committee Tuesday on a voice vote. He said he was sending a message to the State Board of Education, because he's unhappy with its recent move to repeal a rule requiring two online courses to graduate from high school, and with its decision to back off on another planned rule regarding principal evaluations.

"It was a shot over their bow just to let them know that there's another way to adopt high school graduation requirements," Goedde said after the meeting. "I don't intend to schedule a hearing on it."

That'll teach 'em.

- Trix

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