I'm a member of a private Facebook group (Spectrum) for the Gay Straight Alliance (GSA) club at the high school I attended.
A couple weeks ago, on a Friday, I noticed a post to Spectrum from the teacher who manages the group letting the students know that next weeks meeting would include a Skype interview with Ellen Krug, alumni and author of Getting to Ellen: A Memoir about Love, Honesty and Gender Change.
I click the link to go take a look at the book and think to myself, hey I wonder if Ellen is related to my classmate, Ed Krug? Yep... turns out she is as closely related as she can possibly be. You see, I knew Ellen as Ed.
When I knew Ellen, she was a total jock in high school, a star on the football team with her best friend Dennis. At the time, in HS, we weren't close and we hadn't communicated since, so imagine my surprise to learn about her story.
I consider myself very lucky in high school, having not suffered from bullying, able to fly under the radar. For that I thank my lucky stars. But like Ellen, I had a secret, I had long known I was gay, but never dreamed of being able to act on that knowledge. It was 1975 after all.
I immediately purchased the book that Friday afternoon and by one in the morning was finished. Let me note, since reaching the age where I need reading glasses its very uncomfortable to read. This is probably the first book I've finished in one sitting for over 6 years.
As I read, I remember thinking her life seemed so perfect on the outside, a good looking jock with all the social perks that come with that. But as I delved into the book, which spans most of her life, the reality of that life was much different from what I saw as an outsider. From an alcoholic dad who committed suicide, to a damaged mother afraid to leave, to Ellen's own knowledge of something that didn't match in her own body.
There were many parallels with people and places I knew, having grown up in the same town, so the book was a very compelling read. But even without that familiarity I'm certain I still would have kept reading without stopping. It was that good.
Her story touched me deeply and I couldn't get it out of my head for that whole weekend and even into the next week. I tried to make comparisons to my life, coming to terms with my sexuality and coming out, but the similarities are slim. I've always tried to be sensitive to what it must be like for someone who experiences a mismatch in their gender identity, but wow... this book really brought home how much people such as Ellen stand to lose by living their lives honestly.
When I hear about parents of children who self identify at an early age, allowing the child to live the gender in their heart and mind, I think they are totally doing the right thing. Even up to the point of allowing the use of hormone therapies to halt the onset of puberty. These kids will be so far ahead of the game and hopefully not have to face the choice of living honestly over the chance of losing their loved ones.
I reached out to Ellen on Facebook with a friend request and sent my email address on that Friday. I was so happy to finally hear from her on Sunday and we exchanged a few emails back and forth reacquainting. It's good to know she is doing great. She still has pain from the loss of her soul mate and yet so very happy as her true self.
I really hope you will take a look at her book and consider giving it a read. You can order the book here on Amazon.
Description:
What is the price of living an authentic life? Ellen Krug knows. "Getting to Ellen" details the "gender journey" taken by Ellen Krug, a woman born into a male body. As a man, "Ed" Krug had everything anyone could ever want: the love of a soul mate named Lydia, two beautiful daughters, a house in the best neighborhood, a successful trial lawyer's career--a Grand Plan life so picture-perfect it inspired a beautiful pastel drawing. In a quest to find inner peace, Ed gradually confronted fear and loss, including the residue of growing up in an alcoholic household and a parent's suicide. As this page-turning story of self-discovery unfolds, the reader understands that for Ed to live authentically as Ellen, much of that picture-perfect life--including Lydia's love--would need to be sacrificed. How could anyone make that choice, pay that kind of price? Then again, how could anyone not? This is much more than one person's story about some things lost and others gained. It's a glimpse into the life choices that all of us make--whether or not we're transgender. This is a perfect read for anyone dealing with a key personal decision or crisis or the question of whether to be true to one's self. And too, this story details what it means to be transgender, and it will help anyone wrestling with gender identity issues or loved ones trying to understand another's "gender journey." In short, "Getting to Ellen" is an unforgettable true story of love, honesty, and the rewards of living authentically.
Ellen not only writes a beautiful book but is an excellent blogger (I hope to entice her to write here). Check out her blog.