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I was simultaneously disgusted and amused today to learn that you don't support marriage equality. Let me tell you why.

You're in your early 30s. You're white. You were a teenage mom. You came up poor and you're working your way to your college degree. You've married a good, kind, hard working guy who clearly loves you, and the two of you aspire to live the American dream. Not only that, you have a plan and you're working hard to get there.

I admire you. I just want you to know that. You remind me of my dad. He worked his way from no running water or electric to a six-figure salary and a fine home for which he could pay cash. 

You two have so much in common, but you could never stand one another.

You see, you married a black man. My dad can't handle that. He doesn't think it's right. He thinks it's bad for the children and just basically wrong. In fact, a lot of people agree with him - and they find plenty of justification in the bible for their views. You know they can't handle your marriage. It's 2013, but people still stare and you still feel uneasy, even in this deepest marine blue state. 

But it doesn't matter - you hold your head up high, and teach your beautiful (biracial) kids to hold their heads high. I admire that. A not insignificant part of the ability to hold your head high was a court case that was decided the year my dad married my mom. In Loving v. Virginia, the Supreme Court of the United States told bigoted dicks like my dad that they were entitled to their opinions, but legally, they could shove it. That's a nice underpinning for facing the world proudly, holding the hand of the one you love.

So I know you know exactly what it's like to be denigrated for whom you love. I know you know what it's like to stand tall when people around you give you the stink eye, but you know what's in your heart is right. And to know you're backed up by the force of the law. It helps. You were born over a decade after Loving was decided - you get to take your righteousness for granted.

That's why your failure to support marriage equality, on the precise bases thrown at your very marriage, is such appalling hypocrisy. This doesn't just suggest an utter lack of self-awareness. It tells me that when you look at me, you don't see me as a full person; that you don't see my relationship as one built of love - just like yours. Just like my dad would look at you.

Here's the best part, though. You and I have one more thing in common, because we live in Washington State. Last fall, the voters of our fine state resoundingly supported marriage equality. So, like you before me, I can celebrate your right to have that opinion, while I jubilate in my right to not give a stinking rat's ass about it. I hope one day you'll change your mind, but until that day, I don't have to care if you do.

Bless your bigoted little heart.

Originally posted to ElsieElsie on Thu Mar 21, 2013 at 05:30 AM PDT.

Also republished by Kossacks for Marriage Equality, Koscadia, Angry Gays, and Milk Men And Women.

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