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On this Easter Sunday, as believers and non-believers alike celebrate the return of Chocolate Jesus, the gay agenda is slowly but surely replacing the traditional values that this country was founded upon.

Earlier this week, the Supreme Court heard oral arguments in two cases which could ultimately decide the fate of "responsible procreation" in America.

If, as is widely expected (YMMV), the Court rules against the constitutionality of Prop 8 and/or DOMA, the practical effect will be to require every US citizen to consummate a same-sex marriage.

While some conservatives—like Karl Rove, Bill O'Reilly and Rush Limbaugh—have already begun coming to terms with this seeming inevitability, others—like Mike Huckabee, Ralph Reed and Dr. Ben Carson—remain in a state of denial.

These holdouts might widen their stance when they realize how much filthy lucre they'd stand to gain.

Morning lineup:

Meet the Press: Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY); Sen. Jeff Flake (R-AZ); Guns & Immigration Roundtable: Former Senior White House Adviser David Axelrod, Former Rep. Tom Davis (R-VA), Eugene Robinson (Washington Post) and Peggy Noonan (Wall Street Journal); Gay Marriage Roundtable: Actor/Director Rob Reiner, Brian Brown (National Organization for Marriage), Al Sharpton (MSNBC), Pete Williams (NBC News) and Peggy Noonan (again).

Face the Nation: Archbishop of New York Cardinal Timothy Dolan; Roundtable: Imam Suhaib Webb (Islamic Society of Boston), Rabbi David Wolpe (Sinai Temple in Los Angeles), Bishop Mariann Budde (Episcopal Diocese of Washington) and Bishop Harry Jackson (Hope Christian Church).

This Week: Archbishop of New York Cardinal Timothy Dolan; Newark, NJ Mayor Cory Booker (D); Rep. Peter King (R-NY); Former White House Photographer Eric Draper; Roundtable: Religious Scholar Reza Aslan, Rev. Calvin Butts (Abyssinian Baptist Church), Author/Atheist Susan Jacoby, Dr. Richard Land (Southern Baptist Convention) and Rev. Jim Wallis (Sojourners).

Fox News Sunday: Former Astronaut Capt. Mark Kelly; Archbishop of Washington Cardinal Donald Wuerl; Roundtable: Bill Kristol (Weekly Standard), Mara Liasson (NPR), Republican Strategist Ed Gillespie and Charles Lane (Washington Post).

State of the Union: Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC); Sen. Richard Blumenthal (D-CT); Prop 8 Case Lawyers Dravid Boies and Ted Olson; Democratic Strategist Donna Brazile; Republican Strategist Kevin Madden; Jessica Yellin (CNN); Senate Chaplain Barry Black; House Chaplain Patrick Conroy; Reliable Sources: Eric Deggans (Tampa Bay Times); Carol Simpson (Formerly of ABC News); Jennifer Rubin (Washington Post); John Aravosis (AmericaBlog); Hamish McKenzie (PandoDaily); Katie Linendoll (ESPN); Brynn Gingras (WNBC NY4); Former Journalist Allyson Bird.

The Chris Matthews Show:  Howard Fineman (Huffington Post); Kelly O'Donnell (NBC News); Errol Louis (NY1); S.E. Cupp (MSNBC).

Fareed Zakaria GPS: King Abdullah II of Jordan; CEO of Reliance Industries Limited Mukesh Ambani; Russian Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev; Former Australian Prime Minister John Howard.

Evening lineup:
60 Minutes will feature: a report on new evidence that could free a man who has been in prison for 40 years (preview); and, a two-segment report on Sudanese refugees who have resettled in the U.S. (preview).

On Comedy Central...

Jon Stewart weighed in on gay marriage's slippery slope.

The Daily Show

Monday: Author Mary Roach

Tuesday: Author/Historian Jonathan Sperber

Wednesday: COO of Facebook Sheryl Sandberg

Thursday: Director Danny Boyle

And Stephen Colbert examined the GOP's latest rebranding efforts, which hit a few snags this week.

The Colbert Report

Monday: Actress Sigourney Weaver

Tuesday: Former New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey (D)

Wednesday: Author A.C. Grayling

Thursday: Director of the National Institutes of Health Francis Collins

Elsewhere...

A biology teacher in Idaho is facing disciplinary action due to anatomical correctness.

Tim McDaniel, an 18-year vetaran of the biology department at the public school in Dietrcich, Idaho, might have to figure out how to teach the miracle of life to his high-school students without saying the word "vagina" after a group of unhappy parents found the word offensive. Because now he's kind of in big trouble for, you know, doing his job in the teen pregnancy capital of Idaho.

According to what McDaniel told Twin-Falls's Times-News, four parents at the school complained that he taught their children "the biology of an orgasm" and said the word "vagina" during his sex-education lesson to a room of sophomores. Yes, sophomores, some of whom have had vaginas for 14 to 15 years. It's unclear whether the word "penis" was met with equal offense.

And, in related news...

The fucking morons on Fox News proposed killing two birds (and bees) with one stone.

GRETCHEN CARLSON: Here is a story you may scratch your head over, because it’s our daily edition of "what sequester?" The federal government is spending apparently $350 million for Planned Parenthood-style sex education programs in western states, including Montana, Idaho, Oregon, Alaska, for sex education programs starting now in kindergarten. [...]

STEVE DOOCY: It's so shocking because we remember the sequester, it was all about it's going to end everything, we'll have to close the White House tours, we'll have to close some small airport towers and things like that. So they did that, and a whole other list of things. Yet, they're still able to find $350 million for this program that is comprehensive and graphic. And essentially what it does is it talks about how no sex is unsafe unless it causes pregnancy. [...]

ERIC BOLLING: Now we find another $350 million is going to this program for kids as low as five years old. It's absolutely insane. $350 million, do you know how long that would keep the White House tours going? 100 years! The White House could be open for as long as us and our grandchildren would be around. Instead, they're going to learn — I don't even want to know what they're teaching them.

STEVE DOOCY: Well, no type of sex is wrong. The only unsafe behavior is getting pregnant. That's what it’s all about. $350 million!

Meanwhile...

Some teabaggers are now boycotting the network because of its clear liberal bias.

Among the demands the protesters have is that Fox News "be the right-wing CBS News: to break stories, to break information, and to do what news organizations have always done with such stories: break politicians," that the network have at least one segment on Benghazi every night on two of its prime-time shows; that Fox similarly devote investigative resources to discovering the truth of Obama’s birth certificate; and that the network cease striving to be "fair and balanced."

"We need Fox to turn right," said Hjerlied. "We think this is a cover-up and Fox is aiding and abetting it. This is the way Hitler started taking over Germany, by managing and manipulating the news media."

We're through the looking-glass, people!

- Trix

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