Given how ineffective firearms are proving to be in the causes they have traditionally been promoted for - self-defense and political liberty - it has become clear that we in America have moved beyond the National Rifle Association, and are in need of a new level of armament activism. So, I am hereby proposing the National Grenade-Launcher Association (NGLA), which will highlight the security and liberty benefits of law-abiding citizens keeping and bearing high explosives and various delivery mechanisms for them.
Our plans will be more potent in the school system, where we have proposed that key staff carry multi-round grenade-launchers and mortars, man four .50-caliber machine gun nests in the quad to defend them from any armed crazy people (who aren't officially part of the team), and further arm every student with their own personal brick of C4 with triggering mechanism (just in case). Furthermore, since the scenario played out in Toy Soldiers is all-too-likely to happen at some point, we suggest preemptively wiring the entire school to explode and giving the triggering button to the most emotionally unstable and demented child in the whole school. It ain't perfect security, but it sure beats just not having grenade launchers, mortars, and C4 bricks in school - how stupid and pointless would that be?