Skip to main content

I can't cope right now.

Got off the phone with my mother-in-law; she told me that she has been lying to us (me and her eldest son aka Mr. Scribe) for far too long. She's weak, she thinks she's gone into dementia, and she's afraid she's running out of money.

I've seen her financial statements; my father-in-law did an excellent job with investments (maybe too good; he was never the "eggs in one basket" type so there are assorted IRAs and stuff scattered all over the place) so from my (admittedly brief) perusals there is plenty of money for her care (which was his first concern). This focus on money reminds me so much of what Dad-in-law went through in the months before he died of dementia (complicated by a fall which contributed to his stroke -- "vascular dementia" was just a handy catchall phrase to stick on the death certificate).

Mr. Scribe has been spending most of his free time at her assisted living place with her; it's been wearing on even his patience, which rivals his late father's (considering he has to deal with me as well, it's a good thing he's got that patience!). And I'm glad he's taking the lead on this, because whenever I go over there, I feel hopeless and helpless and like I've failed her, failed him, failed everybody.

I want to go curl up with my blankie and teddy bear and have someone tuck me in and tell me a bedtime story.

I'm not ready to be the grownup -- I'm only 54 years old.

8:00 PM PT: Shortly before publishing this diary, I called Mr. Scribe -- he said he would be there "in about 10 minutes".

Mom-in-law just called; according to her he hasn't gotten there yet.

Now I'm worried about him as well as her...

8:55 PM PT: Update to Update:

He got there, but while he was getting up courage to go in, he fell asleep in the car. If I wasn't so relieved I'd be fucking pissed.

He's on the way home -- we're going to go out for a drive so I can maybe clear my head. Tomorrow we're going to try and get an emergency sit-down with her primary care doctor, and then work with the folks at her assisted living place to figure out next steps.

You are the ones who put the "Community" in "News Community Action".

I love you all, even the ones I've never met.

Peace.


Originally posted to Just a thought... on Sun Apr 21, 2013 at 06:57 PM PDT.

Also republished by CareGiving Kos.

EMAIL TO A FRIEND X
Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags

?

More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

Meteor Blades, Angie in WA State, Alma, Brainwrap, teacherken, glitterscale, Gooserock, Powered Grace, Avila, cotterperson, xynz, polecat, Momagainstthedraft, jancw, susans, BlackSheep1, stevej, navajo, sidnora, aitchdee, revsue, Texknight, NYC Sophia, texasmom, Steven Payne, riverlover, zerelda, Steven D, Bluesee, SisTwo, chimene, KnotIookin, Alice Venturi, stagemom, Pam from Calif, Dem Beans, GreyHawk, lotlizard, skyounkin, markdd, algebrateacher, Shotput8, Ginny in CO, Ekaterin, fhcec, noweasels, begone, Philpm, vigilant meerkat, JVolvo, middleagedhousewife, Persiflage, Clive all hat no horse Rodeo, Dreaming of Better Days, NancyWH, john07801, BeninSC, Cronesense, gloriana, suejazz, JeffW, HappyinNM, GAS, Marko the Werelynx, Sixty Something, Youffraita, lineatus, Calamity Jean, Lujane, Cassandra Waites, petulans, suesue, Quilldriver, lissablack, jlms qkw, maggiejean, nchristine, LinSea, janmtairy, earicicle, CamillesDad1, EAColeInEmporia, Lefty Ladig, commonmass, Susan Grigsby, jakedog42, Polly Syllabic, renzo capetti, pixxer, Puddytat, Otteray Scribe, Oh Mary Oh, no way lack of brain, Reetz, yellow cosmic seed, MidwestTreeHugger, lady blair, freesia, Sand Hill Crane, mrsgoo, Lusty, worldlotus, wintergreen8694, peregrine kate, lovespiral, PDX, Mortifyd, SuWho, Chrislove, Eric Nelson, tb92, AnnieR, swampyankee, FloridaSNMOM, belinda ridgewood, radical simplicity, arizonablue, brook, Glen The Plumber, dotdash2u, Villanova Rhodes, Lily O Lady, nomandates, koosah, JayRaye, broths, weck, gypsytoo, Yo Bubba, Smoh, Jim Domenico, sensetolisten, OldSoldier99

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site