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I can't cope right now.

Got off the phone with my mother-in-law; she told me that she has been lying to us (me and her eldest son aka Mr. Scribe) for far too long. She's weak, she thinks she's gone into dementia, and she's afraid she's running out of money.

I've seen her financial statements; my father-in-law did an excellent job with investments (maybe too good; he was never the "eggs in one basket" type so there are assorted IRAs and stuff scattered all over the place) so from my (admittedly brief) perusals there is plenty of money for her care (which was his first concern). This focus on money reminds me so much of what Dad-in-law went through in the months before he died of dementia (complicated by a fall which contributed to his stroke -- "vascular dementia" was just a handy catchall phrase to stick on the death certificate).

Mr. Scribe has been spending most of his free time at her assisted living place with her; it's been wearing on even his patience, which rivals his late father's (considering he has to deal with me as well, it's a good thing he's got that patience!). And I'm glad he's taking the lead on this, because whenever I go over there, I feel hopeless and helpless and like I've failed her, failed him, failed everybody.

I want to go curl up with my blankie and teddy bear and have someone tuck me in and tell me a bedtime story.

I'm not ready to be the grownup -- I'm only 54 years old.

8:00 PM PT: Shortly before publishing this diary, I called Mr. Scribe -- he said he would be there "in about 10 minutes".

Mom-in-law just called; according to her he hasn't gotten there yet.

Now I'm worried about him as well as her...

8:55 PM PT: Update to Update:

He got there, but while he was getting up courage to go in, he fell asleep in the car. If I wasn't so relieved I'd be fucking pissed.

He's on the way home -- we're going to go out for a drive so I can maybe clear my head. Tomorrow we're going to try and get an emergency sit-down with her primary care doctor, and then work with the folks at her assisted living place to figure out next steps.

You are the ones who put the "Community" in "News Community Action".

I love you all, even the ones I've never met.


Originally posted to Just a thought... on Sun Apr 21, 2013 at 06:57 PM PDT.

Also republished by CareGiving Kos.

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